I have never been on this board before. Previously I have been lurking on the Natural birth and First Trimester boards.
However yesterday I got some heartbreakingly devastating news. At a routine visit, I happened to ask my doctor if he could do a quick ultrasound so that I could send the pic to my DH who works away......during the scan (10wks 4 days) he discovered that he could no longer see the heartbeat.
An agonising 4 hour wait for a specialist ultrasound technician revealed that we hadn't just lost one angel, but two. Identical Twins, Due on 30th May next year.
They think that the babies were too close to each other, and their cords fused together so that instead of feeding off my body, they were trying to feed off each others.
It is our second loss in 6 months, and both have been twins. On the one hand it helped alittle to hear that it was twins, because at least they could give me a reason. Before the second opinion scan all I knew was that I had no pain, no bleeding, and extremely severe pregnancy symptoms, and yet here was this doctor telling me that my precious baby was gone. When they explained the rarity of identical twins, and told me that if it hadn't happened now it was sure to have happened later, one on hand it eased my pain because at least I knew that it wasn't that my body had rejected it. On the other hand it hurt ten times more to know that instead of loosing two babies, I have now lost four. four darling bundles I will never get to meet.
We are getting married in February, which gives me something to look forward to, and we will be trying again when we get back from our honeymoon.
But Im sure you can all understand my pain. I know it will be a moment I will treasure forever, but I was supposed to be 6 and a half months pregnant when we are married. To think of waking in the morning, putting on my dress, and then look in the mirror at a flat tummy that is meant to be holding my beautiful children....................
We want children soo badly, as many as we can have, but I don't know how many times I can go through this. the excitement and then the disappointment. Hearing everyone say that it's "not you fault" and "you're young you can try again" just makes it worse.
Thank you for reading and Im sorry its so long. But I'm all on my own at the moment and trying to hold it together, but its just not working.