Hello everyone! My name is Amanda and I am 22 years old. Me and my husband lost our little son Dustin Charles on May 16, 2007. Our sweet little boy was born on May 11 and we were blessed with 5 days to get to know and love our little bubby. I had a great pregnancy all my scans were great and everyone said I had a healthy bouncing baby boy. We were beside ourselves with excitement. We had his room all ready and his clothes laid out and I had just gotten done with my last baby shower. He was finally coming!! On the dreaded Monday when I was 34 weeks and 1 day pregnanct I went into our hospital triage for high blood pressure monitoring and my little boy was not giving good readings on the strips of paper he had no accels. This concerned the staff but I was none the wiser I mean his heartbeat sounded great. A little while later they brought me a sprite and told me that if our baby didn't improve they were going to have to section him I still wasn't that worried I mean he was healthy or so I thought I would just get to see him sooner... So they ended up doing the ultrasound for a bio and he didn't score very well. The tech was silent the entire time and looking back I can remember thinking mabe something isn't right here, but I was so excited I brushed it off. So they admit me and tell me my baby has fluid on his heart brain belly and testicles... I was floored. I asked if he could die and my heart stopped when they just shrugged their shoulders and looked down. These peoplhad no idea what was wrong they had me thinking down's or hyrocepholus we had no clue. The next day they sent in a specialist that I had seen prior due to my GD and she somehow knew that our little sweet baby boy had The Vein of Galen Deformation. Basically it is a really really rare occurance that happens when no capillaries form resulting in a weak walled vein that causes and aneryism. My little man was in heart failure before I could even hold him in my arms. Long story short we got sent to a hospital in Cincinnati and the WONDERFUL people there gave us the best chance we could. The told us that Dustin probably wouldn't make it out of delivery but if he did he had a chance at a surgery to help save his little heart. Dustin improved from Friday May 11 until Sunday (Mother's Day) my first he gave me the best mother's day on the planet. On wednesday the day of his surgery he went home to heaven in my dad's arms. Light shone in on his little face during the most cloudy day that week. I think of my baby every second of the day I hate that he can't fulfill all the plans his dad and I had for him. I hate seeing pregnant women and I don't like seeing newborn babies. I just have a chip on my shoulder and I am so thankful there is a community like this that sadly we have to join. Thank you so much!
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
I am so sorry your precious Dustin has passed on Your story is heart breaking....My heart just breaks for you, your dh, your family
Your feelings are completely normal....I have felt the same way, after every pregnancy loss....So has every other woman on this board.
I can tell you, over time, these feelings you are having...about preg. women, newborns....etc...will not be as strong....And one day, hopefully, prayerfully, they will be gone all together..
This board is a safe haven...You have come to a wonderful place....We will help you to get through those minutes in the day that are so difficult to face...Just take one day at a time...We are all here for you
Thank you so much!! I have started to realize that I will have to adapt to a new "normal" and it's hard. I am so sorry for your losses. It's so horrible that things like this have to happen but heaven needs angels too...
I like to think that too. That comforts me more than a lot of people could ever know. Honestly if I didn't think that I will see my baby in heaven I couldn't have gotten through this. My faith is so much stronger now because I HAVE to believe that my baby is waiting for me and his daddy.
Amanda, I'm so sorry that your precious son is gone. You will always be Dustin's Mommy and know that he will watch over you. Take care sweetie and know that you are in our thoughts at this difficult time.
... That comforts me more than a lot of people could ever know. Honestly if I didn't think that I will see my baby in heaven I couldn't have gotten through this. My faith is so much stronger now because I HAVE to believe that my baby is waiting for me and his daddy.
This is my thoughts exactly. I had faith before we lost our son, Zane. But now i just know that he is waiting to meet us in heaven. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. How can there be nothing when i can so plainly feel him here with us every day.
I am so sorry you lost your little man. It hurts to read your story, especially the part about the ultrasound and being on the monitor because i had that too. The feeling of waiting for them to tell you what's wrong and knowing that it isnt good is soooo awful.
I'm glad you found this board. The ladies here have helped me stay sane these past ten months since our baby passed.
We lost our son because of Vasa Praevia. I went into labour at 41.5 weeks and haemorrhaged. It was his blood, not mine and he lived and fought for 36 hours before passing away in our arms. I still miss him every day.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss I hope you are able to get some comfort here. I also know that my babies (lost through MC) are together and I know I'll see them in heaven (or some new reality) someday...God Bless...