New here, just wanted to post

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Last seen: 6 years 2 months ago
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New here, just wanted to post

I guess I just want to post what I'm feeling somewhere.

I m/c at just over 5 weeks this past weekend. I want to start by saying my DH is a great guy, very supportive, but I'm feeling unsupported right now. My DH doesn't understand why I'm upset, he keeps saying it was nature's way of "getting rid" of a baby that would not make it. He says I really wasn't that pregnant anyway, so it's just like getting AF a bit late. I've explained to him that I am upset, I am disappointed, I'm feeling like my hormones are all over the place, and I feel like I lost a "real" baby. He's backed off now, and I think he's starting to get it, but don't think he'll ever really get it.

I'm just feeling really sad today. I had started to get my hopes up, starting to think about next June and what I would need to get done before then.

I guess this past weekend was just so rotten. I was visiting my parents, half way across the country when it started on Saturday, I couldn't tell anyone what was going on because I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant (except DH), plus my family is going through a rough time with my sister (she's very ill), so I didn't want to stress anyone out. So all weekend I had to attend all these visits and functions, and seem happy, and all the time I'm just feeling so rotten (physically and emotionally). We finally got home last night, and I finally got to lay on my bed and cry.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this down somewhere. Just get it out of my head I guess.

Lalm's picture
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Last seen: 4 years 8 months ago
Joined: 09/07/07
Posts: 316

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and no matter how many weeks you were it's still upsetting. You've definitely come to the right place for support and the ladies on here are wonderful for that and so much more. I also felt like my DH didn't understand, but it's important to be open and honest about how you are really feeling. I recently bought a book on miscarriage and it explains quite well why husbands do not seem upset and it makes a lot of sense. For example, they are not the ones that are pregnant and they have not formed a bond early on in the pregnancy. This usually doesn't happen until they hear the heartbeat or see an ultrasound. I hope that you are able to take sometime for yourself now and find peace.

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Last seen: 10 months 1 week ago
Joined: 02/03/06
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((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You feel like you lost a "real" baby because YOU DID! No matter "how pregnant" you are, you had a little person growing inside of you and you grew attached to it- its only natural. I know how hard it is when nobody really sees that, so I hope that you can find some comfort here with others who have unfortunatly gone through the same thing.

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Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
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I am so sorry you have cause to come and join us, but i'm glad you did because this is the right place to vent your feelings.

:bighug:

Your DH was maybe just trying to convince himself of all the things he was saying to you? Even if he wasnt, blokes just dont feel the same way we do about these things. At least he backed off once you explained how you felt. It's so important to maintain open and honest communication during your grief.

So sorry for your loss. :comfort:

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Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 03/20/07
Posts: 36

So sorry for your loss. I've had 2 m/c's and we are TTC again. I just got a BFN the other day and I came home from work a bit upset and DH asks "what's wrong?". Well, what does he think is wrong.....they just don't think/react/express the way a woman does. We can't change that, but it is so difficult that I do alot of the crying and see this reaction from him. Hang in there, communication is definitely the key....

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Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your lose. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your lose is very real no matter how pregnant you were. Feel free to vent anytime. The ladies here are great.

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Last seen: 6 years 6 months ago
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

i am sorry for your loss and this board is the right one to write how you feel.huggs

shellyhudson's picture
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Last seen: 6 years 4 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. For every mother I know, it is no longer just a bunch of cells once that positive test shows up. That is when it becomes a baby, at least to everyone that I know. All the dreams, hopes, fears, and aspirations we have for our child are born in that very moment. I hope that you find the comfort here that I have. I honestly don't know how I would survive, even now, without these amazing women. I wish you speedy healing and great peace.

Shelly

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Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 66

I am so sorry for your loss. And, as others have posted a loss is a loss no matter how far along you are. All of my losses were between 5 and 9 weeks and they were real losses. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Bonnie

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Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

Honey, I'm so sorry. I kind of know how you feel. I miscarried around 6 1/2 weeks, which really isn't that farther along than you were. My midwife was SO great. She told me not to let anyone make me believe that this wasn't a pregnancy, and that I had already bonded with the baby so I should mourn it as though it were a loss of any other family member.

I lost my baby just 4 days before my sister's wedding. My family did know about the baby and the miscarriage, but most of the guests and wedding party didn't, and so I absolutely know how it feels to try to pretend everything is OK when you feel like your world is crumbling.

I hope you find all the comfort and support you need here. We're all here for you!

:bighug:

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Last seen: 8 years 2 months ago
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

I know the things people say can really hurt more than they help. I try to remember that they are only saying these things because they do want to help and they love me. I know that doesn't really make it better. I'm sorry for your loss and that you had a need for this board, but the people here are wonderful and have helped me so much. When I first found out about my loss, I ignored the things loved ones said, but when I couldn't take it anymore, I sent them an e-mail. I posted it here, it's probably a few pages back, but I think I called it something like 'e-mail I sent to family' or something. You can go back and read it, and even have your DH read it, or write your own, maybe it will help. I've always thought that people sometimes understand things better when they see it in black and white like that. I hope you find the peace that you need, and a way to cope, finding this board was a good start for me.

Amy

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Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 03/08/06
Posts: 183

I am so sorry for your loss, and you're right, you lost your child! My DH was the same way and I was 9 weeks, after a lot of tears for months he finally got it. I am glad your DH is becoming supportive and am glad you were able to express your feelings. Come here anytime you need to, you will find nothing but support.
:bigarmhug:
Sarah