I wish that I didn't have to post here, but I feel like this is a place where everyone can understand what I am feeling. On Thursday night I went to bed, happy and excited about the new life growing inside me. On Friday morning I woke up and discovered that I was bleeding and everything changed. I called the doctor who told me to go to the ER where my worst fears were confirmed. I can't adequately put into words the depth of my sadness. I had to go in for a follow-up appointment today and the nurse was asking the routine check-in questions and she asked when my last period was and then said, "so you are pregnant..." and I had to tell her, "no, I'm here as a follow-up after having a miscarriage." Saying that word makes me lose it. I feel like I am in a bad dream and I can't wake up from it. IRL I have only told the few people that knew about the pregnancy- immediate family and one friend. So far, talking about it does not help...I think partially because I haven't talked to anyone that has been through this hell themselves. I don't know what I expect people to say, but what they have been saying so far- ("at least you know you are fertile" "at least you already have a child" (because I have a DS who is almost 2) "hang in there- you'll get over it" "at least it was so early", etc.) is not helping. I can't get it out of my mind when I was in the ER and the corpsman that was assigned to me asked why I was there and I told her that I was pregnant, but that I was afraid that I was having a m/c and her response was, "oh, congratulations on being pregnant! That is so exciting! Do you want a boy or a girl?" I wanted to slap her!
I do have some friends IRL that have been through this in the past. In most cases, I didn't know about their losses until a long time after they had happened. I am torn about contacting one of them to talk because I don't want to re-open the pain for them. I feel alone, even though I know that this is way too common.
I am so sorry. People can be extreamly insensitive (most of the time they don't even mean to be). I know how much it hurts every time someone says something stupid. It's been five months and I'm still a bit sensative. I had similar things happen with Drs. and nurses. I can't believe so many of them are so bad at thier jobs. Thank god for the few really good ones. Again, I'm so sorry.
Hugs hon. I am so sorry for your loss, and I too get tired of the stupid things ppl say (it wasn't the right time, at least it was early, you are stronger than I am, blah blah blah). A nice, I am so sorry would suffice. When I found out about my first m/c I called the two women I knew well who had also suffered losses. I don't think it would reopen the pain, as it is always there, and both of them were just wonderful. I am sorry for the stupid er doc too.
The women here are wonderful and have been my solace in the past year.
It is hard to hear what people have to say, even though they are trying to be comforting and helpful.
The pain will come and it will go much like waves in the ocean. It has to be felt in order to fully grieve and to heal.
Please, come here and vent, cry, babble, whatever you may need.
Oh and that "at least it was early" crap is just that crap. We all know how instantaneously we become a mother at the sight of that BFP. Your loss is no less devastating than for someone who has lost their child at full term.
I am so so sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking to go through this and so many "why me's" and "what if's" will follow. Mine is still a fresh wound, but every day gets a little easier. We are here for you and talking with people who understand really helps!
Im so sorry that you had to go through that! I would have lost it and hit someone I sure hope that you can find, As I have that this is a great place to come, and Ive only been here for a week! No matter when your loss it is very real and felt just as painfully as the next! I sure hope that you are feeling well. Please pop in when you need to.
Last edited by Michelle; 08-22-2008 at 08:55 AM.
Reason: to remove signature
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please let things people say roll off your back. They really do mean well, but lack the common sense since they have not been through it.
I hope this does not offend you, but I find it comforting.
Most loving God, losing a child is devastating.
Bless all women, and especially those who have had a miscarriage. Comfort them in their loss. Give them hope for children to come. Bless them with an abundance of love that as their bodies heal, so too may their hearts. Give then the courage to face each new day in the confidence of your love; in the name of Jesus Christ we pray