I am new to this board. I have lurked on here before, but never thought I'd have a story to post on here. I think I'm still in shock.
Here's my story.
I found out I was pregnant the day after Christmas and was so overjoyed. DH and I had been trying for 7 months for a second child and were getting really stressed.
I went in a week ago for my first ultrasound and instead of measuring 6weeks, I measured 4.5-5 weeks. We could see a gestational sac and a yolk sac, but no embryo. I knew immediately that something was wrong. I had been charting and knew when I ovulated. In addition to having to deal with a very unprofessional and inappropriate tech (i'm too drained to go over that horrible experience, but I'll share it later if any is interested), we had my blood drawn to check my hcg levels.
I went two days worrying and worrying and on Thurs. I got my blood drawn again and found out that my first number was where it should be. The nurse was so reassuring and told me my number was fantastic and consistent with being 6 weeks. I briefed a sigh of relief and tried to think positive. The nurse called me on Friday and had bad news. My second draw came back and my numbers had only risen by 2,000. (went from 14,272 to 16,000). She told me that it didn't look good and the doctor wanted me to come in and see here to discuss my options. I went in later that afternoon and she sat my DH and I down and told us she was really sorry, but this wasn't a viable pregnancy. She said that with my numbers being where they were, we should have seen a heartbeat on Tues. She also talked about how my numbers weren't doubling or going up nearly enough. She told me I had two options. Wait it out at home and miscarry naturally or schedule a D&C. I was so devastated and knew that emotionally I wasn't going to be able to wait around for something to happen. We scheduled the procedure for Monday and were sent home to make it through the weekend.
That night and Sat. morning, I started to panic because I started to have some doubt and knew that if I went through with the D&C with even the slightest bit of doubt, it would affect my recovery and mental state. I called around and found an awesome guy who owns his own private ultrasound business who happened to be open on Sat. We paid $200 and told him that I needed some closure and to be sure that we were doing the right thing. I must say that I NEVER expected to see anything. It was really just so I could find some peace and emotionally prepare for Monday. Much to our surprise, we saw an embryo and a heartbeat. The embryo measured a week behind and the heartbeat was slow. We were shocked to say the least. My DH got very angry and tried to make sense of what just happened. We couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't come in. Earlier that morning, he had given me a hard time about spending the money and didn't want me to have it done. He told me that I needed to face reality. I just knew I had to be sure. He felt so riddled with guilt and apologized to me. I know he is taking this really hard.
We were definitely not jumping up and down, but along with being shocked and confused, we now had some hope. We canceled the D&C and called my doc on Monday. We obviously had lots of questions for here. Yesterday, we had a long meeting with my doc and we expressed our concerns. I had my blood drawn again and the number went up but not by much. (16k on Fri to 21k on Mon) I also started spotting yesterday so we feel pretty hopeless. I know that I am losing this pregnancy, it is just a matter of when.
The plan is to wait it out today, tomorrow, and Thurs. On Thurs. we are going to have my blood drawn again and are expecting my number to have finally gone down and we are scheduled for an ultrasound. We told her that after everything we've been through in the last week, we wouldn't feel comfortable having a D&C until we had an ultrasound to confirm the heart stopped beating. My D&C is scheduled for this Friday. She was very understanding and accomodating. Unlike our first visit, where we feel she was very quick to make a conclusion, this time she was VERY cautious with us.
This past week has been excruciating. It felt like a never-ending roller coaster ride. I haven't cried today (the first day since Tues.), but I feel like I just don't have any tears left. I am so emotionally-drained and just exhausted. My spotting seems to have gotten a little heavier. My doc doesn't think I'll miscarry on my own before Friday so more than likely I will have the procedure on Fri. ( I would have been 7w5d) (assuming we don't have anymore surprises on Thurs)
I feel so bad that those of you on this board have also had to deal with loss. I am hoping that I can ask you lots of questions and use this board as a source of support in the coming weeks. I am still in shock I think, but I know I am going to be dealing with lots of different emotions.
Thank you for listening to my story.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It does sound like an emotional rollercoaster. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better, but I know there isn't. We are here for you.
I am so sorry honey, it is so terrible for anyone to have to go through this. I also wish there was something I could do to makes it easier but there isn't. Just know we are all here for you whenever you need us. Take care of yourself.
I am so sorry for you. This sounds terrible. Losing a baby at any stage is hard. I can imagine especially when you know it is coming. I think you are doing the right thing, even though it is hard. We are all happy to be here to support you and answer in questions you have. Most of us never expected to be here either. It sucks that we are, but it is also good that we have each other for support and for help when we have questions, etc.
i'm so sorry you are going through this...i went in on a friday because of cramping/light spotting and was told everything looked great, only to really start bleeding over that weekend. when i went in on monday because of heavy bleeding i could see that everything was shrinking...it was so hard to wait for everything to happen-you feel so helpless. i hope that you get some closure soon-i will pray for a miracle for your baby...i'm glad you are being so careful before doing anything. stay strong and know we are all here for you.
I am so so sorry to hear of your loss, and totally understand what you are going through - I was there just last week. I had a scan on the 11th and was told I had had a missed miscarriage, there was no heartbeat. I should have been 9 weeks (for definate) baby measured around 7 weeks, and no heartbeat. I had a d & c last Fri (18th) after waiting a week to see if I would miscarry naturally. I know what turmoil you must be going through - I just kept changing my mind on what to do. It must be even harder for you having seen a heartbeat! That is just so devastating. I went in for my pre-op on Thurs before d & c and insisted they gave me one more scan - just in case of a miracle -unfortunately nothing had changed, but I at least felt that I could have the d & c knowing the miscarriage was 100 % certain. I definitely advise you to check it again on u/s before the d & c. You wont ever want to live with 'what if's'. The procedure was not half as bad as I had worried about - the place you are now is definitely the hardest bit. But please know that it does get a little easier - even if only a tiny bit. Please feel free to private message me or ask me any questions that you need to. Its all still so fresh in my mind, that I am certain i will be able to help you and answer any questions you might have. If nothing else has come from my loss, I at least hope I can help others going through the same thing. You will get lots of support here. Huge hugs to you.
I am so very sorry that you and your DH are having to go through with this. It is devastating. Good for you on insisting on the u/s. Please come here and ask any question that you need to. These ladies are so amazing and helpful and comforting. I don't know how I would have survived my loss without them.
She said that with my numbers being where they were, we should have seen a heartbeat on Tues. She also talked about how my numbers weren't doubling or going up nearly enough. She told me I had two options. Wait it out at home and miscarry naturally or schedule a D&C. I was so devastated and knew that emotionally I wasn't going to be able to wait around for something to happen. We scheduled the procedure for Monday and were sent home to make it through the weekend.
That night and Sat. morning, I started to panic because I started to have some doubt and knew that if I went through with the D&C with even the slightest bit of doubt, it would affect my recovery and mental state. I called around and found an awesome guy who owns his own private ultrasound business who happened to be open on Sat. We paid $200 and told him that I needed some closure and to be sure that we were doing the right thing. I must say that I NEVER expected to see anything. It was really just so I could find some peace and emotionally prepare for Monday. Much to our surprise, we saw an embryo and a heartbeat.
I'm sorry for your loss... but I have to tell you that this similar situation happened to me a week ago. DH and I went to the dr that was covering for my dr because my spotting was slightly heavier than normal (spotting normal? that's what they told me for the first 6 weeks) anyways we had an u/s and the dr wouldn't let us see the screen... she showed us both my ovaries and then scanned over the baby... She said "This pregnancy has ended do you want to exspell this on your own or do a D&C? She then suggested we go to the hospital to have everything confirmed... At the hospital to our surprise the baby had a heartbeat... 92 beats (slow, but definately there)...
Unfortunately this was on last Fri and on Mon... no heartbeat... It made it harder to handle because they ripped our hearts out... gave a little hope... and then crushed it again. My D&C was on 1/29/08...