New here (pg/mc mentioned)

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Legal Gal's picture
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Last seen: 7 years 3 weeks ago
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New here (pg/mc mentioned)

HI all. I am new here. I just suffered through a miscarriage Thursday night and into Friday. I was 11 weeks along, but dr. thinks that baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. I went to the ER and my doctor decided to do a D&C. I am not dealing with it very well right now. Crying a lot and don't really know how to look forward to much of anything. In addition, the father and I are not really getting along and he is being less than supportive right now. Anyways, although this is a terribly sad thing for me and I really wanted this baby (it would have been my first), I know the timing was bad and the relationship with my SO was less than ideal. Ok, enough about me. Just wanted to introduce myself.

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Last seen: 6 years 11 months ago
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I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the additional struggle of not having the support of the father. ~hugs~

I know how hard it is to go through the loss and the d&c without much (if any) support, where you were perhaps expecting more. The father of my angel and I broke up about the time that I found out I was pregnant and that the pregnancy was not viable. He made some motions at being supportive (he brought over a pack of maxi pads which I had forgotten to buy the day I had the d&c), but it simply didn't work.
I hope things work out better for you, and know that you know you have support and comfort here. I worked through by looking for small things in the day; playing with my cats, planting my garden, talking with a friend who knew what I was going through and knew when to bring up the loss or when to leave the topic alone. The early days are really hard...it starts to hurt less often, eventually. I have anyways. Know that we're all here, cry, vent, yell, whatever you need.

Legal Gal's picture
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Thanks for the input. Just spoke with my mom. She did her whole "God has a plan for you" speech, but all I feel right now is mad at God for taking my baby away from me. It is so difficult to not feel anger all the time. I manage to stop crying long enough to run an errand or two, but then I come home and just cry and/or sleep. Why is this happening to me?

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Last seen: 6 years 1 month ago
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Oh Leah...I'm so, so sorry. Miscarriage sucks. Big time. And (my opinion), D&Cs really, really suck. Yes, it can totally be the right thing to do (and sounds like it was for you and I know it was for my 3rd loss), but there's just something about that procedure that rips my heart open. I'm even sorrier your SO hasn't been supportive and it sounds like your mom is trying...but isn't saying just what you need. Vent to this board...sometimes it is the only thing that helps me. It isn't super active, but I wish people posted more...it helps me to feel less lonely in all of this to see what others are thinking / feeling / doing to cope. Do you have any friends who knew of your pregnancy and loss? Have any siblings who would be helpful? Anyone that can cry with you? That helped me some. And taking time off of work. I took two weeks...tomorrow will be my first day back and I'm terrified. Do whatever it is that helps you and focus on you for as long as you need. This sucks and I'm so sorry...
:bighug:

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Last seen: 6 years 11 months ago
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It always seems like very few people, other than those who have gone through this, actually know what to say to a woman going through the loss of a pregnancy. People mean well, but its an akward subject to approach and people don't know how to treat the loss. I was lucky enough to have one friend irl that I could really rely on, and she has also been through a mc. Know that your mother, and other people you encounter, mean well but they just don't know how to treat the loss.
I hope your d&c goes as well as it can. Phsyically, I think the d&c is easier than m/c naturally. I only had the d&c, and there wasn't an option of a natural m/c. But from other's descriptions I think physically it sounds easier. Pyschologically and emotionally the whole thing sucks. Have a hot water bottle, some nice tea, and maxi pads ready at home. Let us know how is goes. And don't feel bad about getting angry or sad seeing other women and their babies (or bumps). It's natural, and I think all of us feel that way.

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I am so sorry about your loss.
People really do ean well but sometimes say the most moronic things to help comfort you. I never understood the "God's wil" when you see all these drug addicts and poeple like Octo-mom have children with no problem. I think that pharse is just so back-a**ward.

--Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
Author Unknown

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Part of me wishes I could take some time off, but I just started my new job today! I managed to make it through the day and am happy that our office is really busy. I should have lots to keep me busy through the day, which is definitely a good thing. I am new to town and don't know anyone here, so talking to people who know nothing about me and just being around others all day is nice too.

I actually already had the D&C (my doctor did it since I was already in the hospital, they just kept me overnight once I showed up at the ER). What's weird now is that I have this need to go back to the hospital. It's like I feel at home there, safe there. I can't really explain it. It was the first time I stayed overnight in a hospital and even though I was there for a terrible reason, I feel like being there would be comforting somehow.