No one Told Me It Would Hurt This Much

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cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126
No one Told Me It Would Hurt This Much

I know it's not something people like to talk about but I know many women who have lost babies. Why didn't they tell me how much it hurt? Physically, I mean. Even after I told people that I was going to loose the baby no one told me what to expect during the actual miscarriage. I'd never say antything to any of them, but what the hell, a little hint at what was ahead would have been nice. I mean, I'm not stranger to pain. i've had kidney stones, IBS and cervical scaring. But I didn't expect that! I read a few things on boards like this that let me know what to go to emergency for and thank god for that. If I hadn't known, I would have went to emergency and suffered all that in public with strangers. I might have complained about my husband's lack of misery over this whole thing but I was being unfair. He was grieving in his own way and when i needed him yesterday and today, he was here for me 100%. Most of the actual pain has gone away. I still have waves and clots every now and then, but I'm going to try to work tomorrow. I can't stand the idea of staying home all alone for a whole day. DH took today off but we need the money so he has to go in tomorrow. Thanks again for the support girls. I can't tell you how much it means to have others who get what I'm going through.

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

I wish more women would break their *silence* in regards to pregnancy loss... I am sorry that the physical pain that you suffered as a result of your loss was shocking to you because of this Sad

I am glad your dh is there for you now...It is so important to have that support..

Let us know how your day goes tomorrow....I will be thinking of you..



Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry that you were shocked by the agony. That would have made it so much worse, I'm sure. Wow -- you poor thing. I'm glad you're venting here. Best place to do it.

I was lucky that I asked my ob/gyn: the first time for me was a missed m/c. (That is, that they couldn't detect little Alex's heartbeat but I still felt pregnant, and there was no natural m/c -- Alex was still my precious cargo at the time). Despite my shock, denial, etc etc etc I managed to ask the ob/gyn what I could expect to happen, and he mentioned that I would "feel pain akin to labour pain". So I knew beforehand that it was going to be agonizing.

I'm going to be proactive and write a letter to all the ob/gyn's and GP's I can find -- to let them know:
1. about this website and this board;
2. that they need to tell the woman how painful the m/c will be;
3. that a lot of their 'stock responses' don't help (only hurt) -- see the thread of 'words I hate'
4. [I'm sure there'll be more things in my letter!!].

Time for them to stop being so darn clinical, and maybe become more helpful and compassionate. Thank you for spurring me on to take some action here.

And again, I'm so sorry that you weren't informed about how bad it would hurt. Hang in there, sweetheart, and keep writing in to this board whenever you need to. We're here for you, and we're going to help you through this. We care about you.

Great big cyber hugs to you,

lanlaiely's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 26

I don't think a miscarriage experience is something that too many people want others to know about or to talk alot about. When I had my miscarriage, I know that I didn't want anyone to talk to me about it at all. I was given 3 different kinds of pain medication prescriptions and didn't even get one of them filled. I didn't want to mask any of the feelings that I was feeling. While it was horrible experience that I don't want anyone to have to go through, I wanted to be sure that I felt everything that I able to feel. I guess in some kind of way, it was my feelings of being pregnant and I didn't want to let go of that.

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

I am so sorry that you didn't know about the physical pain beforehand. I was lucky enough to not have very much physical pain, but many women are not so lucky. That is one of the reasons that is so important. Women can come here to give and receive emotional support and information. I think that Nicole's idea of sending letters to gynecologists is a great idea. My doctor only saw me once, during my miscarriage, and wasn't even concerned enough about me to even ask me to come back for a follow-up appointment. She even told me that my baby still had a chance, but I miscarried a few hours later. I think that I am going to look for a new gynecologist.

nurseapril's picture
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

First of all, I'm so sorry about the pain you endured. I had a procedure done similar to a d n c, but it left a lot of clotting behind. The doctor put me on methergine to induce cramping so that I would pass these. After taking it for 24 hours with no bad cramping, I thought I was okay. Skip forward a day and I woke to horrible cramping that only brought memories back of me laboring with my son Lance. I don't know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental pain of reliving the experience of losing my son.

The difference was that this time the team of people I see at the OB office were wonderful. It didn't feel like they ditched me because I didn't have a baby anymore. They have and continue to keep close tabs on me. If you aren't receiving the care you feel you need, don't be afraid to find someone who can give it to you. There are great caregivers out there.


cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I too went to the OB the same day I m/c. He did tell me that it looked like I had lost it but he didn't tell me anything else. I don't actually know if I have a follow up or not. I'm getting an ultrasound done on Monday to confirm a complete m/c but thats all I know. I find all of this very overwhelming. I had a hard time getting into any DR when I was pregnant. I'm not looking forward to the process now that I'm all sad and angry.

Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 10

I'm so sorry for you loss, and that you had to suffer so much. I had a natural m/c but my OB gave me a note that I could take right up to the unit where they do D&Cs if the pain got too bad so I could just have it over with and not have to wait in the ER in that state. Thankfully I didn't need to use it, but I really appreciated the gesture...I wish all OBs were like that!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm sorry for your pain. I, too, was surprised how painful it was.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am sorry you had physically pain too. It ios like rubbing salt into the wound. It is bad enough to have all the emotions that go along with a m/c, but to add the pain really...... well sucks.

I'm lucky that I had percocet that I use for my fibromyalgia pain.