Is it normal?
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Thread: Is it normal?

  1. #1
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    Default Is it normal?

    Is it normal for me not to want to be around people? I can't stand spending time with realitives or anyone else. They drive me nuts... I used to visit my grandma almost everyday. It seems like everyone wants to ask how I'm doing. I say okay but we all know what that really means. I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to go off on someone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kar19831 View Post
    Is it normal for me not to want to be around people? I can't stand spending time with realitives or anyone else. They drive me nuts... I used to visit my grandma almost everyday. It seems like everyone wants to ask how I'm doing. I say okay but we all know what that really means. I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to go off on someone.
    I say it is completely normal....but thats just me. I did not even tell my family of all my losses till 7wks ago....

    When I told them I also made it known that what I was willing to discuss, was all that I was willing to discuss..To please respect my privacy..That if in the future dh and I wanted to share more...we would let them know....

    So far, with the exception of one or two that got a bit nosy, resulting in me having to make myself *very clear*...We have not had problems...

    This arrangement keeps *me* from going *off* (in anger) on people...

    Marie
    Last edited by mom@41; 10-12-2007 at 04:56 PM.

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    Posting Addict Uropachild's Avatar
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    I think it's perfectly normal! We had a lot of people around us all the time for both of our losses and i didnt mind it at all, but there were times when i just wanted to be alone with DH.

    Don't feel like you have to tell people you are okay though chick. Sometimes it's okay to "go off" on someone if you feel like you need to offload some feelings. I know that we dont want to start telling randoms how depressed we are, but if someone you know and trust asks there's nothing wrong with sharing. It wouldnt be a burden to them. I think family and friends sometimes just need to know that we are talking to someone and not just bottling things up. I'm quite bad at opening up, but i try and do it when i feel i can because i know it's good for me.


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    Prolific Poster careyayn22's Avatar
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    At first, for me, I didn't want ANYONE around except my DH. It took me about three weeks to want to really talk about things to anyone. We didn't do a memorial until 4 months later (on his EDD). By that time, I was happy and ready to be around all of those who loved and supported us along the way...but that first month or so was really really hard (and it was Christmastime).

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    It's absolutely normal. And I agree about not saying you're "fine" when you're obviously not. After my loss, whenever someone (who knew about my loss) asked how I was doing, if I didn't really feel like going into details, I'd just say something like, "I'm hanging in there." That way, I didn't feel like I was lying, but I didn't have to get into the deeper feelings.

    I figured out after a while that I could tell when someone really wanted to know how I was doing vs. just asking out of habit. They would slow down, make eye contact, and their faces would soften. Then if I really needed to talk, I knew that was someone I could talk to but didn't have to.

    Deb

  6. #6
    rh1430
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    I think it is completely normal. I was in shock for the first month after my loss until I had a panic attack in Hawaii. Then I did not want to be around anyone. It has been 4 months since my loss and I am just now starting to want to talk and to be around people.
    It is alright to be upset. You don't have to be perfect for everyone. Come here and share anytime you want.

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    I think it's ok and normal too. I didn't even leave the house for like a week after and then not to see anyone I knew for a week after that. Now it's more situational. Certain people or topics, and we have to go home for Christmas (both our families are in the same town in IL) and I would do anything to not have to go. we just found out younger family member is expecting and I don't think I can do it. Those things haven't bothered me at all, but for some reason this one does. Take all the time you need. The way I looked at it, the world would still be there when I decided to come back...

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    The problem is we can't go anywhere without someone saying something. We live in a super small town and well that has its positives, this isnt one. For example a trip to the bank this morning including a brillant person asking... "Did your baby just die?" Yea.... "Well at least she wasn't 5 or something- then you'd be attached." WTH... saddly this person has two kids of their own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kar19831 View Post
    The problem is we can't go anywhere without someone saying something. We live in a super small town and well that has its positives, this isnt one. For example a trip to the bank this morning including a brillant person asking... "Did your baby just die?" Yea.... "Well at least she wasn't 5 or something- then you'd be attached." WTH... saddly this person has two kids of their own.
    I am so sorry that someone said this to you.

    I think it is normal to want to avoid people. I hope that other people in your small town are not as insensitive and can respect that you need some time. I don't know what the "normal" length of time is before you are ready to emerge back to a somewhat "normal" day to day again. But just take the time that you need and if need be perhaps DH or a friend can explain to others that you aren't ready yet.

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    Posting Addict shellyhudson's Avatar
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    100% normal. I didn't want to be around anyone at all for a while after we lost Damien. It was so life shattering that I didn't want to hear "I am sorry" or any other platitude that would be given. I was hurt/devastated/angry you name it. When I was asked how are you I just responded with crappy. I didn't care if people thought that I should say fine I wasn't fine and wasn't about to say that I was. Even now, if I am not fine I will not say fine as my answer. Some of my "canned responses" are "I am surviving" or "I am just taking one moment at a time" or just an honest "Not so hot." I have those that I can totally unload on when I need to and others just get simple, short responses. If I really need to pour my heart out, I do a couple of things. First, I come here. Then, I use my journal. I can just let it all out in my journal. I just let it all flow out of me. It doesn't have to make sense later. It doesn't even have to make sense now. I do end up feeling unburdened by the time that I am done writing. Maybe give that a try? Just a suggestion. I hope that you feel some peace soon.

    Shelly

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