officially Infertile. (child ment, loss ment, pg ment) xp
hi all, some of you may remember me from around the place.
2 weeks ago yesterday I had a 2nd ruptured ectopic pregnancy. This resulted in emergency surgery and the removal of my right tube and the pregnancy.
4 years ago, I had my 1st ruptured ectopic. I lost most of my left tube. (it is still attached at the uterus but not the ovary).
I am grieving HARD. I know that I have lots of positives to look at, we can still conceive with IVF. IVF has worked for us before, I have a beautiful IVF DD.
I don't know why I'm so sad and angry. I'm so lucky just to have Sophia. I don't know, I guess I was just hanging onto what everyone says "After an IVF pregnancy, many couples go on to have "accidental" pregnancies". Well yes, I did have an "accidental" pregnancy, it just resulted in the death of my baby, the sterilisation of me and the loss of all hope of "just" getting pregnant.
I havn't just lost another baby, i've lost what little was left of my fertility. I think I'm mourning that more than the pregnancy loss.
Just sending some extra hugs your way hon. (((((((HUGS)))))))) You have suffered a tremendous amount. I'm so sorry. Your emotions of mourning / anger over the loss of your fertility certainly are understandable and in no way diminish your feelings over your loss. It is simply so very much to try and process at one time.
This is still really early in your journey to think about... but there is something that may help you heal a bit. Emily, you are an incredibly supportive and compassionate person. I have witnessed the gift you possess in reaching out to others with understanding -- on a number of topics that you have personal experience with. When you are feeling a bit stronger, maybe consider looking for ways that you can reach out to others that are struggling in this/other things that you have that first-hand knowledge of --onsite or IRL. I can share that while it sounds strange, that through reaching out to others a part of you may heal as well.
i feel your anger, that scares me..when you're little and you think about having a family no one mentions the possible hardships that can come along with bringing life into the world. i dont think this is something you will ever "get over" but learn to accept. love your daughter and be greatful you have her atleast you know...imagine all the women who can't conceive who have no children...it could always be worse. I know it isn't a comfort but i hope you some how manage to get through it. I'm here if you want to share you're anger though.
Em, well, I know you have had a few days to let all of this sink in. I do understand your concern but honestly, given your history, I could certainly understand going ahead to have the rest removed. I know you stated that July was the earliest appointment. Is there any way that you could at least get your doc to call you so that you could explain and ask for a general opinion on the phone? They can then at least let you know that yes, you need to be seen; or no, that there is no need and they can make a recommendation given your history.
I did giggle too at the comments regarding the need for bc. You have such a shining spirit!