officially Infertile. (child ment, loss ment, pg ment) xp
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Thread: officially Infertile. (child ment, loss ment, pg ment) xp

  1. #1
    oimiloy
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    Angry officially Infertile. (child ment, loss ment, pg ment) xp

    hi all, some of you may remember me from around the place.

    2 weeks ago yesterday I had a 2nd ruptured ectopic pregnancy. This resulted in emergency surgery and the removal of my right tube and the pregnancy.

    4 years ago, I had my 1st ruptured ectopic. I lost most of my left tube. (it is still attached at the uterus but not the ovary).

    I am grieving HARD. I know that I have lots of positives to look at, we can still conceive with IVF. IVF has worked for us before, I have a beautiful IVF DD.

    I don't know why I'm so sad and angry. I'm so lucky just to have Sophia. I don't know, I guess I was just hanging onto what everyone says "After an IVF pregnancy, many couples go on to have "accidental" pregnancies". Well yes, I did have an "accidental" pregnancy, it just resulted in the death of my baby, the sterilisation of me and the loss of all hope of "just" getting pregnant.

    I havn't just lost another baby, i've lost what little was left of my fertility. I think I'm mourning that more than the pregnancy loss.

    *sigh*

    sorry to blurt that all out.

    I just can't get past the anger.
    Last edited by oimiloy; 04-11-2009 at 09:35 AM.

  2. #2
    missy8632
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    I am so very sorry for your loss. This was a big double whammy that you were thrown.

    Preg ment




    I wanted to let you know that my SIL lost both tubes and got pregnant with IVF with twins. Do not give up on your dreams.
    Last edited by missy8632; 04-11-2009 at 08:24 PM.

  3. #3
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    Emily, I am so very sorry for your loss, and yes, devastating news at the same time. Hugs and prayers!

  4. #4
    oimiloy
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    thanks girls

  5. #5
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    Just sending some extra hugs your way hon. (((((((HUGS)))))))) You have suffered a tremendous amount. I'm so sorry. Your emotions of mourning / anger over the loss of your fertility certainly are understandable and in no way diminish your feelings over your loss. It is simply so very much to try and process at one time.

    This is still really early in your journey to think about... but there is something that may help you heal a bit. Emily, you are an incredibly supportive and compassionate person. I have witnessed the gift you possess in reaching out to others with understanding -- on a number of topics that you have personal experience with. When you are feeling a bit stronger, maybe consider looking for ways that you can reach out to others that are struggling in this/other things that you have that first-hand knowledge of --onsite or IRL. I can share that while it sounds strange, that through reaching out to others a part of you may heal as well.

    Sending you continued thoughts and prayers!

    ~Missy

  6. #6
    Contributor ArmyWifeNJ's Avatar
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    i feel your anger, that scares me..when you're little and you think about having a family no one mentions the possible hardships that can come along with bringing life into the world. i dont think this is something you will ever "get over" but learn to accept. love your daughter and be greatful you have her atleast you know...imagine all the women who can't conceive who have no children...it could always be worse. I know it isn't a comfort but i hope you some how manage to get through it. I'm here if you want to share you're anger though.

  7. #7
    oimiloy
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    thanks again everyone, Missy, thanks for your kind words.

    I had my post op appt yesterday, if you want to read about it I posted on the dealing with infertility board here. It is very long and contains loss and pg.

  8. #8
    missy8632
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    Sending some hugs. I am glad that you feel a little better after your appointment. Grief works in strange ways and one never knows when it may hit us, so do not be hard on yourself.

  9. #9
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    hugs and prayers Emily. I am glad the doctor was able to answer lots of questions, but yeah, b/c does not sound fun.

    It is such a rollercoaster, just keep your arms and legs inside for the duration of the ride!

  10. #10
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    LOL @ Rachel. Isn't that the truth!!!?

    Em, well, I know you have had a few days to let all of this sink in. I do understand your concern but honestly, given your history, I could certainly understand going ahead to have the rest removed. I know you stated that July was the earliest appointment. Is there any way that you could at least get your doc to call you so that you could explain and ask for a general opinion on the phone? They can then at least let you know that yes, you need to be seen; or no, that there is no need and they can make a recommendation given your history.

    I did giggle too at the comments regarding the need for bc. You have such a shining spirit!

    ((((((HUGS)))))) Always the best for you!

    ~Missy

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