One more reason I love DH

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monkeycat's picture
Joined: 07/21/06
Posts: 132
One more reason I love DH

Today my LO would be one. Today's not quite as bad as last year, but it still sucks especially since DH is out of town for work Sad Anyway, the reason I love DH is this - several months back, he created a flower bed for our LO, complete with an angel statue. It looks like crap right now because spring hasn't really sprung yet, but it should look great as everything grows. (He used baby plants - he loves to garden.) Last week he surprised me with something else for the garden. He got a piece of granite, probably 18 by 24 inches, and had it engraved with the name we gave our LO and a poem (which he wrote back when I m/c). If I could figure out photobucket i'd post a picture, but since I can't, I'll just write what's on it:

Morgan Kinsley R****
The future that could have been
The life that we never knew
The love that we created
Our first child

It made me cry. He never ceases to amaze me. Thanks for letting me share.

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

That is such a sweet thing your husband did. I am glad you have him. The memorial you have made for your LO sounds so nice.

I hope you are doing ok today. I know birthdays and holidays, any milestone really, are so hard to cope with, especially the first ones. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

That is truly beautiful. What a great DH. Thanks for sharing.


KaellyNicole's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 219

That is beautiful!

vbear's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 83

Awwww,what a great man,you are a lucky girl with him Smile

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

what an amazing man.

Joined: 04/21/06
Posts: 96

That is very beautiful TFS

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

That's so sweet! I'm so glad your DH is supportive and understanding.

monkeycat's picture
Joined: 07/21/06
Posts: 132

Thanks for all the replies. DH has been wonderful through everything. He really took charge when I was a mess. I think he's had a harder time than me dealing with it all. He took care of me and didn't mourn for a long time, and then it really hit him hard. It doesn't help that he blames himself. He thinks it's his fault that we lost the only baby we may ever create due to him being Type 1 diabetic and the whole MFI thing. I feel very lucky to have him.
PS. He's not always sunshine and roses. Sometimes he's an ass just like almost every other DH, but I wouldn't trade him for anything! Wink

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

Thanks for sharing! I got an engraved river rock for the garden that we created after the loss, too, and it's brought me so much peace. Your husband is so awesome for thinking of that and surprising you with it, not to mention writing the poem himself.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Dear Carolyn

It's really beautiful what your very sweet DH has done. 'Men might be from Mars, and women from Venus' but I believe we have more in common than we have things that are different. And the daddies of our angel babies are grieving too -- they're just socialised to not show it. And I think they suffer more as a result of internalising their feelings, the poor fellas.

So I'm really glad that your DH has done these things -- it's for you, but I'm sure it also helps him. Me, I've done all kinds of things to shift through my grief; but my DH, the classic strong and silent type, hasn't engaged in any of these activities over the years since we lost our first angel, Alex (11 Dec 2002). He seems to have gotten well over it, but I think he would have shifted through his grief faster if he had taken active steps like your DH.

So I say to your DH: "Way to go!" I also hope he will soon stop blaming himself for what happened -- this kind of inner torture doesn't serve to help anyone, especially himself. I first blamed myself for losing each of our angels, making it extra hard on myself -- I mean, racked with guilt AND weighed down by grief! (Whoa! What a bad combination). I really hadn't 'done anything wrong' nor could I have prevented my m/c's, but this early stage of my grief was not rational. However, once I stopped blaming myself, I released myself from these mental "chains" -- and I was then finally able to start really working my way through the grief. Until then, I was 'stuck', you see, despite the counselling, and doing a bunch of other suggested things -- I wasn't able to get unstuck till I forgave myself. Now this is only my personal experience I'm sharing, but I don't think it is uncommon.

Please show this message to your DH, and encourage him to forgive himself. I'm sure that neither yourself nor anyone else blames him, so I hope he can stop blaming himself -- it's really a form of self harm. I'll keep him in my prayers.


"Happiness is an inside job"

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

I am sorry that your DH has to be out of town on your angel baby's first birthday. It is sweet that he surprised you with that beautiful addition to your garden. I don't know any other man who has written a poem for his angel baby. You are lucky to have him.