One step forward, two back ~ttc ment~
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Thread: One step forward, two back ~ttc ment~

  1. #1

    Default One step forward, two back ~ttc ment~

    Yesterday was 83 days since our daughter died. I know it is dumb to keep up with the number of days. I don't mean to, it is just the first thought I have had every morning since she died.

    I got home from work yesterday. My sister in law called me to tell me that she thinks that she is having a girl. She is an ob nurse and they did an ultra sound at work the night before. I know her baby is not mine. All I can ever think of is that her baby was getting life at the exact same time mine was dying. Now, she gets a girl. She has a boy that is four. All she freakin' needs is a white picket fence to make her whole damn life perfect. It isn't fair. I almost hate her...and she is my best friend. I started crying when she told me. She started crying too. She tried to console me by saying that she thought Tessa had something to do with this. She said that her baby had some of my Tessa's soul. All I could think of was that she has my baby then.

    Now, I KNOW that the baby she is carrying is hers and not ours...but I am so scared, helpless, and dead inside. We are doing ivf in June. I am so scared that I am going to lose my mind. I am scared that I am going to ruin everything with all the stress that I am feeling. I'm just scared.

    My sister in law didn't mean in any way to hurt me. Just seeing her hurts. What do I do?

  2. #2
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board


    I am so sorry the news of your SIL possibly having a girl is hitting you so hard edited to say: could you try and keep some distance till after IVF??

    Focus on the babies you will have...envision your own white picket fence..

    You have so much to look forward to, with June being right around the corner. Just think, you could be pregnant again in the next 2-4wks, holding your dream in 9 months.....

    Try to sense the hugs Tessa is sending you, during this very difficult time..

    If you don't mind sharing?? When is your IVF scheduled for?


  3. #3


    ~ttc ment~

    I am on BC pills and I have 11 more days to go. I will have an ultrasound on June 13th to see if I have ovarian cysts. I get them when I am on BC, they will aspirate them that day and I will start Gonal F the next day for 6 days. We are planning to do ER the last week in June and 3 days later put embies back in.

    I'm so afraid. I'm afraid it will work and I'll miscarry again. I'm afraid it won't work and we will have to live childless. I was meant to be a mother. I don't know how people afford to adopt. I wish I could just turn my brain off.

    I have been avoiding my sister in law...but she was so good to us when Tess died....and honestly, I hate being around her now but when I am not, I miss her. ~sigh~

  4. #4
    BLP is offline
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    Join Date
    Feb 2007


    Oh you poor thing. I feel so sad for you, I wish you weren't going through all of this.
    Try and not stress too much, you have your IVF to focus on. Good luck to you

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