One week

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Jessa_2213's picture
Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 129
One week

Its been one week today... I seem to be getting worse instead of better everyday. This is hard... I don't even have words for what I'm feeling, I just feel wrong. And he doesn't want to try again, he keeps saying that it happened for a reason... that it must not be our time.
I want my babies so bad... its not fair that they had to leave.

.................
Jessa
Mommy to Angels:
Liam & Alana

mommyx6's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

I am sorry your having a ruff day today. I can't say it will get better but hugs.My hubby is not understanding my grief either.

preg men

He say now that I am pregnant again to move on and forget about it before I stress myself to much.So hugs and hope you feel better.

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I am so sorry you arent feeling better yet. Please dont worry about it too much though hun. It has only been one week and whilst i know it feels like forever without your baby, it is just a short time. Dont be hard on yourself and be patient with DH too. Man are very different to us and it affects them in different ways. They hate to see us in such pain and sometimes they think that if we dont try again we wont get hurt again. There is some truth to that of course, but he might come around, in time. He is healing too. :comfort:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Only one week, hon it takes longer for that for us just to acknowledge what our bodies went through no less our emotions. It will get better, but with my experience so far it has to get worse first. I lost my daughter 4 months ago and I am just now starting to see a happier future. Give yourself time.

((((HUGS))))

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

It is just a little over a month after our loss and although we are starting to have more good days than bad, this is a kind of healing that takes so long. We can never heal entirely. At least that's what it seems like to me. I know it seems like forever, but in one week, your hormones are still all crazy even. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It will get better, easy to say, I know. But try not to be too hard on your DH either. I know the things he says can seem insensitive, but he really means the best, I went through that with mine too. Right after our loss, I thought I wanted to try again ASAP, but he and I talked it over and he told me that he wasn't ready. I cried. I thought it was something about me that made him not want a child with me or something, like he had changed his mind, but he wasn't ready to chance what another loss would do to either of us. And he didn't feel that either of us had had enough time to grieve. It kind of hurt me when we talked about it, but he was right. I have since decided to wait just a few months before TTC again. I would like to chart for a few months first because in my mind, that's kind of a test I can do myself to see if there is something there that caused our loss. Crazy I know, but I guess it's one of the ways I'm coping. I'm not saying that you aren't ready, you know what is best for you, but try to remember that, as was already said, men grieve differently than we do, but the do still grieve, they grieve for the loss of their child and they grieve because of the pain they see us in. Sometimes they just need time too. I hope everything works out as best as possible and you feel better soon.

Amy

Jessa_2213's picture
Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 129

I guess I just feel so...useless. And when I want to do things to remember them, its like he's mad that I'm remembering them instead of loving him... but obviously you all know its not like that...that you can do them both at the same time.
Yesterday I cried... well, I kept crying for most of the day, things would just set me off... all I wanted was for him to hug me and say "I love you"... but he just seemed mad, maybe because he didn't know what to do... but it just made me feel like I was being a burden and that my feelings weren't 'right' like I wasn't justified to feel sad because it wasn't 'okay' with him. Then because I was crying he said "maybe you should go see somebody (ie: a therapist)"... like I was crazy or something just for being sad...
He doesn't seem to understand that its not just over fast... its not just something you cry out and get over.
And its like he feels like he can't be sad around me... he says he's sad when he's alone, or at work, or talking to other people about the babies... but he doesn't ever show his feelings around me. He won't ever talk to me about them, or about how they (or loosing them) made him feel...
I just don't know how to handle this... how to make it so we're on the same page...

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. You are so very new in your grief. It will be crushingly painful for quite some time. Then you will have some okay moments only to get knocked on your butt again by something unexpected. It is not an easy road to go down and unfortunately we have no choice but to travel it. When you are ready, it might not be a bad thing to talk with a therapist. It may take a while to get to that point. I am just now getting to where I might be receptive to outside help and it has been two and a half months. As for your husband, I can only suggest that that you take what he says with a grain of salt. I know that my husband would say things that hurt deeply even though he didn't mean to hurt. He is just so frustrated with not being able to help me with my grief on top of trying to deal with his grief that he lashes out sometimes. He told me that an old friend emailed him back the other day and that I could read it if I wanted. I did and found out that (like your husband) he seems to be able to talk to everyone else about the depth of his anguish but just can't open up to me. I know that he is trying to protect me from more pain but it hurt so much to know that he doesn't feel able to talk to me. He has become much more understanding of my breakdowns and now just holds me if I need it. I know that he tends to bury his grief and anger and right now pours out his despair in working on our hot rod. All I can tell you is that there will be decent moments in the future. You will develop a new normal and continue to go on. I wish you peace.

Shelly