People who say stupid things

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
People who say stupid things

It's hard to know how to deal with the situation.

I have a busy-body neighbour who I've been avoiding since my loss. The one time she cornered me she told me all about her loss and how she 'knows exactly' how I feel because her loss took place at the same point in pregnancy. But she doesn't know. I can tell by how she talks to make it all about her that her pain and mine are not the same...neither more nor less, but not the same.

I made the mistake of putting my FF chart up on Facebook so my sisters and BF could look at it. She lurked and found it (whoa, I put it up YESTERDAY and she found it between last night and an hour ago). She said that she saw I had started charting. I told her I was because I'm the kind of person who does better when she knows what's going on with her body. I start to worry and stress when I'm NOT charting because I don't know. I told her we weren't TTC yet...I was just keeping track of things.

She told me, "Oh good. When I had my loss my doctor told me not to try for at least three months. I agree with her too...any less than 3 months and you're not giving that baby the respect it deserves."

WTF? I changed the subject and quickly made my goodbyes. I know she wasn't thinking, but that kind of judgemental statement is not what I needed to hear. DH and I have decided that after my next AF (first post m/c) we will let nature take it's course. I didn't tell her that though. Sigh.

I wish people would think a little bit, that's all. Thanks for letting me rant.

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456


Man, sounds like you have a stalker on your hands (tracking you down on Facebook) ...

I can't believe she said that!!! yikes!!! I had no choice, due to my age, but to try as soon as all was clear...This was not easy...But being almost 43....every month I let slip by, was another nail in my coffin in regards to ttc....

I say ttc when you are ready...This will be different for everyone...No one should judge another as to when this time ends up being....As it is none of anyone else's business..

I am so sorry you are having to deal with someone like that!!!


Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I am so sorry, what a PITB neighbor. You know what is best for your body and your family, she should really mind her own business. I hope you can avoid her! Smile

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

You handled it much better than I would have. I would have let her have it with both barrels. Having experienced a loss she should be more sensitive to the power of our words. Who does she think she is?!? Whether or not you try again is between you and your DH. When you try is the same thing, between the two of you. If you guys are ready then go for it. Only you know what is best for you. Is there any way to block her from your Facebook? I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone like that. I wish you the best of luck in however you handle things.


Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567


Sorry you have to deal with that crap Emily. It comes with the territory, but it shouldn't. And given her history, your neighbour should be much more sensitive. I'd remove her from your friends list on Facebook if I were you. Then she can't see your profile. And what she said about waiting 3 months is totally off the wall. I ovulated and conceived again 6 weeks after my m/c. It's been very difficult, but worth it. And it has in no way diminished the loss I feel from losing my first baby or changed how I remember him. You should TTC again when you and your DH are ready, not when other people *think* you should be ready or think that you've grieved long enough.


Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

How rude of her and completely thoughtless. You are going to be grieving for your lost little bean a lot longer than the "alotted" 3 months. Geez! It's not like after that period of time a magical switch gets flicked and you stop hurting. You do what you want to do and everyone is different. For some people the only way to stop hurting is to focus on getting pregnant again right away. For others the best thing is to wait a lot longer than 3 months. You decide what to do yourself.

I find it totally wierd that she is stalking you like that on facebook too.

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