Hi all. There are so many new people here. I'm sorry that you need this board, but as always, I'm glad it's here for all of us. I used to post here, but got the point it kind of felt as though being on the board so much was keeping me from moving forward. I do stop in from time to time to check in on everyone, and of course keep in touch with some through e-mail. Anyway, for those who don't know me, I had a missed m/c in Sept at 10 weeks, our baby stopped growing at 8 weeks 2 days. My EDD was 4-7-08 and it is so much harder than I ever thought possible. I had it in my head that it would kind of be a relief and I guess in the end it still may be, but the days leading up suck. I have a wonderful b/f, who has been more than supportive, he has an 8 year old son he has raised virtually on his own who lives with us, so I think somehow that makes him understand how I feel just a bit more than a typical man. But as these days get closer, he just isn't there for me. I feel like such a selfish b*tch because he has been absolutely wonderful since our loss but as our EDD comes closer, just in these last few days, he just gets more distant and I know it's because of how that is affecting him. It makes me feel even more guilty than I already did. I feel responsible for his grief too, I know I shouldn't, it isn't my fault, but I do and that's just how it is. I just really need him right now, but how can I expect him to be here for me when I know that he too needs to grieve in his own way. I just feel so alone. I have people to talk to, one of my very best friends had a loss at 12 weeks and one at 24 weeks (healthy 4 year old though!) and she is great to talk to, but I just want him. I want him to hold me and tell me that this will be ok. That we will be ok. That I will be ok. I just don't feel as strong as I did before. At almost 29 years old, I feel old and tired and just aged. I can't believe how much this all can wear on you. I've had this 'approach' or 'philosophy' to our loss and my grief...I cry when I need to cry, no matter what, no matter where I am, even if I have to excuse myself for awhile and it has helped so much...but today I have tons of things to do and I just can't get a grip. The three of us are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days out of town, we just don't want to be home Monday and I have to get ready for that. I guess if I just get myself ready, being out will help take my mind off it all. Thanks for listening if you made it this far. I'm sorry for your losses, hugs to all.