I am absolutely devestated. I went for my 10 week scan yesterday morning to find out my baby had died at 8 weeks 5 days.
I knew something was wrong instantly as the sonogropher didnt say anything for ages and i couldnt see a hb. I thought i was going to pass out when she said those words ........... 'its not good news im afraid Angela'.
I was referred to the early pregnancy unit where i was left sitting in the corridor for ages. The nurse who then called me in to go through the next steps was so unhelpful. She just kept staring at me and not really saying much. She had a couldnt-be-bothered attitude. Nothing was explained to me. I was told to either wait and see if i naturally loose the baby or if i want an ERPC (evacuation of retained products of conception) - a D & C i guess. And she said i must tell her by 1pm. Nothing of this procedure was explained to me, no leaflets, anything.
I had a chat with a couple of friends who have had this. And my sister has spoken to one of her colleagues who work in the hosp. It seems im thinking by everyones advice it to go ahead with the procedure. I dont think i can bear to carry my baby knowing it is dead inside me. Now im crying.
I cant believe i have been carrying my baby for 2 weeks and not known - i still have all my symptoms. I even poas the other day for 'a bit of fun' (ugh) and it was showing an immediate beautiful bfp. There is no mistake on the u/s though.
I dont know how im going to get through xmas, im booked in for Monday for the d&c. Can anyone tell me how im going to feel physically after this? What is the recovery time?
My poor bf when the sonogropher said those words. He is so upset. I dont think he can fully understand what im going through tho. He is being so supportive and of course would give anything to change what has happened but i think at the moment his main concern is for me and what i am going through and and going to have to endure.
Please please can anyone advise me how to get through this. It feels like my life has been completely smashed and i dont know what to do.
Your emotions are normal. As far as the D/C I bleed for 6 days after. The first day after the D/C I was emotionally drained and just slept all day. Then again I had lost alot of blood and was anemic for sometime afterwards. You are going to have a rollercoaster of emotions. I lost my daughter 6 months ago and some days are empty again. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.
Just remember you came to the right site. We are here for you whenever you need to cry, vent or ramble on.
((((((BIG HUGS))))) I'm so sorry for your loss, hon. As far as the D&C goes, my doctor told me I'd be up and about after 24 hours. I did take it easy and rest most of the day of surgery and the next week or so did no heavy lifting. I bled for 12 days but not too heavily.
The worst part is, of course, the emotional part. I thought I'd feel horrible after the surgery but the fact is that I had already started grieving the loss and so parting with the physical tissue wasn't as traumatizing as I had thought. My baby will always be with me, no matter when she left my womb. That thought brought me comfort. Just allow yourself to grieve know that we are here for you if you need some words of comfort.
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
I am so very sorry you lost your baby
I have had many natural losses, but have also had 4 D&C's as well...Something to consider? Make sure your doc has signed off on all paper work...This way, if you want, you can ask the anesthesiologist to give you something for your nerves, as you wait....Now, this part is how *I* personally felt...Ask to be put out..Tell the anesthesiologist that you do not want to hear anything...out, out, out...You also should be given the option to request your babes remains if you so chose...The hospital would need to know this before hand though..You could also ask how the hospital handles the remains as well..If you are sensitive to medications...meaning, they make you nauseous...Ask the anesthesiologist to give you something prior to the drugs he administers....this way, less of a chance of vomiting afterwards. Make sure they give you pain meds prior to leaving, as the cramping can be minor...or strong....just depends...Better to be safe and have the meds, just in case. Wear clothing that is easy to get on....underwear that will hold a large pad as well..
Once you get home you will be drained...probably sleep....Even though you know that your baby has passed on..The reality of that will hit even harder, once the procedure is over...Know that when this happens, that you are not alone...We are all here for you, and understand, in our own way, based on our own experiences regarding loss.
Just an fyi...discuss Asher's syndrome with your doc. Some women end up getting this due to the doctor scraping to hard...causes uterine scarring, which can cause future implantation issues...Just ask him to be extra careful..
Sending you many ....I lost my twins Dec 13th last year..so, close to Christmas...Just makes it that much harder. I am sure I will be checking in on Christmas day, as many other women will be...My dh and I are going out to see a movie...no family coming to visit...just us...So, I should be around ...Will be looking for you if you are up to it.
Take one day at a time....Try not to think ahead..
I am so very sorry for your loss. I also found out at the 10 week appt that our baby's heart had stopped at 8 weeks 2 days. I still wonder how I didn't know for and entire 2 weeks, so I understand how you must feel about that. I asked myself how I could have done it just like you. I didn't have a D&C, I was given meds to 'induce' the m/c and sent home to wait. We decided to try this before the D&C because there is no chance of scarring and less chance of infection, also shorter recovery time. If it hadn't worked I would have had to have the D&C though. I can imagine how you must be feeling, just know that it does get better. It never goes away, but it does get easier . Please come here as often as you feel you need to. The women here are amazing and have helped me so much since our loss on Sept 11 of this year. Even times when I thought I was being crazy, someone here could relate. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care of yourself.
I'll be checking in from time to time on Christmas too. I know all of you will be in my thoughts.
Last edited by flutterby4; 12-23-2007 at 12:04 AM.
I am really sorry for your loss sweetie. I don't have any advice to give, but it looks like the ladies have pretty much covered it anyway.
We are here for you.
Mum to... Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006 Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.
I am so sorry for this loss...it is never easy to lose a child, but this time of the year is especially difficult. i had a m/c a few years ago and carried it for 6 weeks without knowing, so i know what you are going through-the complete, utter shock. I just had another d&c tuesday and just stopped bleeding yesterday. I felt fine physically afterwards-you will have some mild cramping but make sure they give you some drugs! the nurse told me even if i didn't hurt to take it to make me sleep! The worse part is the emotional part-take your time "healing" and don't be afraid to talk to people-this board is great! We all know what you are going through...You are so right in that men don't fully understand what we are going through-they don't have the physical changes we have, but lean on him if you can. The best advice i can give you is to grieve-let your emotions out and don't hold it in. You didn't do anything wrong and you have a right to be upset!