Please, don't ask us if we're over "it" yet.
We'll never be over it.
Please, don't tell us they're in a better place.
They aren't with us.
Please, don't say, "At least they aren't suffering".
We haven't come to terms with why they had to suffer at all.
Please, don't tell us you know how we feel
unless you have lost a child.
Please, don't ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please, don't tell us, "At least you had them for a time".
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Please, don't tell us, "God never gives you more than you can bear".
Please, just tell us you are sorry.
Please, just say you remember our children, if you do.
Please, just let us talk about our children.
Please, mention our children's names.
Please, just let us cry.
We little knew that day, God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone, for part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide. And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same. But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
If Tears Could Build A Stairway
If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No on will ever know
But know we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you’ll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you’ll always stay
Not Like You
I am a mother, though not like you.
You cradle your sweet baby in your arms,
Mine are empty, but I hold him in my heart.
You brush her soft curly hair, and tie pretty pink bows just right.
A lock of his hair is tucked neatly in a book
You pick daisies and tie them in a chain to wear around her neck
I cut lilacs and arrange them in a vase to set them at his grave.
You look forward to dreams and plans. I hold on to memories.
I am a mother, though not like you. Sheri Hess
In Memory of Dakota Rain Hess
Just Those Few Weeks
For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me a small glimpse of eternity. Susan Erlin
Forgive me if I do not cry
the day you die
The simplest reason that I know is
Fathers are not supposed to cry
I figured you would expect me
To be strong
To act the way I would have taught you
Forgive me, my son, if I do not cry
The day you die...Forgive me if I do....
1. I wish my baby hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my baby's name. My baby lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby, I wish you knew it isn't because you have hurt me. My baby's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my baby, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
5. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my baby, my favorite topic of the day.
6. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my baby's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my baby until the day I die
8. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my baby, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
10. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
12. When I say, "I'm doing okay, " I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So, please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
14. Your advise to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
15. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly it is not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my baby died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my baby died, and will never be that person again.
17. I wish very much that you could understand-understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT, I pray that you will never understand.
When God calls little children
to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometime question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to His fold,
So He picks a rosebud
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
Psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
What Makes A Mother
Though this was written by someone else in memory of her son
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today,
I asked him, what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say...
A mother has a baby this we know is true
But God, can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you?
Yes you can, he replied, with confidence in his voice.
I give many wonem babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day,
And some I send to fill your womb but htere is no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, cleared his throat and then I saw a tear,
I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other children and say...
We go to earth to learn our lessons of love, life and fear
My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me,
I learnt my lessons very quick my Mommy set me free,
I miss my Mommy so very much, but I visit her each and everyday,
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow there I lay,
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad, I'm your baby and I am here.
So, my dear sweet, your children are OK,
Your babies are in my home and here is where they will stay.
They will wait with me until your lessons are through,
And on the day that you come, they will be at the gates,
Waiting for you.
So now you know what makes a Mother, YOU.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of right from the start.
Though some may not realize until their time is done,
Remember all the love you had
And know you are a special MOM.
Don't cry for me daddy
I'm right here
Although you cannot see me
I see your tears
I visit you often
I go to work with you each day
And when it's time to close your eyes
On your pillow is where I lay
I hold your hand and stroke your hair
And whisper in your ear
If you're sad today daddy
Remember I am still here
God took me home
This I know is true
But you'll always be my daddy
Even though I am not with you
I am daddy's little girl / boy
We will never be apart
For every time you think of me
Please know I'm in your heart
Love from your son, to you Mommy.
Letter to Mom
by Joy Curnutt
Mom, please don’t feel guilty
It was just my time to go.
I see you are still feeling sad,
And the tears just seem to flow.
We all come to earth for our lifetime,
And for some it’s not many years
I don’t want you to keep crying
You are shedding so many tears.
I haven’t really left you
Even though it may seem so.
I have just gone to my heavenly home,
And I’m closer to you than you know.
Just believe that when you say my name
I’m standing next to you,
I know you long to see me,
But there’s nothing I can do.
But I’ll still send you messages
And hope you understand,
That when your time comes to “cross over,”
I’ll be there to take your hand.
Daddy please don't look so sad,
Mommy please don't cry.
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you,
and then he changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I am needed up above.
I am the special gift you gave him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you,
so watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that gleaming,
that's my halos brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from the wind that blows That's me,
I’ll be there, a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug.
That's when I'll be there, giving your heart a hug.
So, Daddy Please don't look so sad, Mommy don't you cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus, and he sing me lullabies.
I'm pretty sure these are 2 poems but not sure where one stops and the other ends.
Poem Without a Name
To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.
To those who change the subject when I speak my sons' names, change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life.
To those who roll their eyes and say that we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school,their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.
To those who say we can have another, we did. I thank God for her everyday, but even if I have twenty more babies, I will forever have two in the grave, and that is two too many.
To those who say to get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!
Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.
Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.
You asked, "How are you doing?" As I told you, tears came to my eyes...and you looked away and quickly began to talk again. All the attention you had given me had drained away.
"How am I doing?" I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two. This pain is indescribable. If you've never known it, you cannot fully understand. Yet I need you. When you look away, I am again alone with it. Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know! They're nature's way of helping me to heal. They relieve some of the stress of sadness, . . . but you are wrong. The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me, it's only a thought away. My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not give me the pain, it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing what to do? You are not helpless, and you don't need to do a thing but be there. When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow, you've helped me. You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient - do not fear. Listening with your heart to "how I am doing" relieves the pain for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter. Talking to you releases what I've wanted to say aloud, clearing space for a touch of joy in my life. I'll cry for a minute or two... and then I'll wipe my eyes and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight, my chest aches, my stomach knots - because I'm trying to protect YOU from my tears. Then we both hurt ME, because my pain is held inside, a shield against our closeness and YOU, because suddenly we are distant.
So please, take my hand and see me through my tears.
Mourning can go on for years and years.
It doesn't end after a year, that's a false fantasy.
It usually ends when people realize that they can live again,
that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole,
and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.
Letter From Heaven
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those could have been loving years.
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
And I will always love you from that land way up above,
Will be in touch again soon
P.S. God sends his love
This is what I wrote about a month after Jeremiah died. I'm no poet though just my rambling thoughts.
I’ll never see you smile
Hear you laugh, talk or giggle
Never will watch you crawl, walk, jump or play
I remember your cry
I remember your skin
The softness of your skin
Touch of your hair
The first time I changed your diaper
The last time I held you to my chest
I watch the commercials on tv
Seeing toys you’ll never play with
I look at all the books Grandma bought you
We’ll never get to read
I keep waiting to wake up from this horrible dream
Wishing you were still inside me
Wish I could once again give you life
I remember the kicks inside me
The first time I felt you move
How scared I was when you were born
The relief when I heard your first cry
I watch your daddy sleep at night
You looked just like him you know
The way you slept with your arm above your head
No matter how tightly the nurses tucked you in
You never fussed or yelled
Unless awoken from your sleep
You look just like an angel.
The day God took you back
I cried so much inside
Know I want you here with me
But I loved you enough to let you go
We’ll meet again one day
Until then please watch over us
I promise your life taught me more
Then I ever could have learned
18 days of joy
and for the rest of my life I’ll mourn.
When Jeremiah was in surgery Miles mom was reading from the bible to us. Jeremiah was named that because Miles Maternal Grandmother used to call him that instead of "J" he was a Junior she would froget his name. His family always said she had visions so that is why Miles wanted to name his son Jeremiah. This always makes me think. Maybe it sounds crazy but to me it means something.
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."
These are some that I have saved, but I don't know who the authors are!
You are felt in the raindrops that fall from the skies
You are felt in the tears that fall from my eyes
You are felt in the sun that shines from above
You are my everlasting love
I'll never hear you laugh or cry
Or see you run and play
But in my dreams at night, my child
I still can hear you say,
"Mommy, I'm an angel now
And though I'm not in your arms
I am all around you
I will keep you safe from harm
When you feel a gentle breeze
Blow upon your skin
That's my gentle touch you're feeling
To show you where I've been
Although you cannot hold my hands
Or kiss my cheeks, you'll see,
If you look up high into the sky
The brightest star is me."
When I Must Leave You
When I must leave you
For a little while
Please do not grieve
And shed tears
And hug your sorrow to you
Through the years
But start out bravely
With a gallant smile
And for my sake
And in my name
Live on and do
All things the same
Feed not your loneliness
On empty days
But fill each waking hour
In useful ways
Reach out your hand
In comfort and in cheer
And I in turn will comfort you
And hold you near
And never, never
Be afraid to die
For I am waiting for you in the sky!