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  1. #21
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    "The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool;
    the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions,
    affecting many, many people."

    --De Frain, 1991

  2. #22
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    Don't Tell Me
    Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
    Unless you have lost your child too,
    Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
    Because that is just not true,
    Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
    Though it is true, I want him here with me,
    Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
    Beyond today I cannot see,
    Don?t tell me it is time to move on,
    Because I cannot,
    Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
    Because denial is something I can't stop,
    Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
    Because I wanted more,
    Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
    I'll never be as I was before,
    What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
    That you will listen when I talk of my child,
    You can share with me my precious memories,
    You can even cry with me for a while,
    And please don't hesitate to say his name,
    Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
    Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
    But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

    Judi Walker

  3. #23
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    Letter to Mom
    by Joy Curnutt


    Mom, please don’t feel guilty
    It was just my time to go.
    I see you are still feeling sad,
    And the tears just seem to flow.

    We all come to earth for our lifetime,
    And for some it’s not many years
    I don’t want you to keep crying
    You are shedding so many tears.

    I haven’t really left you
    Even though it may seem so.
    I have just gone to my heavenly home,
    And I’m closer to you than you know.

    Just believe that when you say my name
    I’m standing next to you,
    I know you long to see me,
    But there’s nothing I can do.

    But I’ll still send you messages
    And hope you understand,
    That when your time comes to “cross over,”
    I’ll be there to take your hand

  4. #24
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    lauriesch22 Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:29 pm Post subject: Quote from Dr Seuss I can finally agree with

    After losing Brennan, I came across a quote. I thought...."this will NEVER happen". But now 8 months after losing Brennan, I can finally say I understand the quote and can agree with the sentiment behind it.

    For all you newer-grieving mommies this can and will happen for you too. Someday you will be able to understand, even if you think I am crazy right now.

    Here is the quote:

    "Don’t cry because it’s over,
    Smile because it happened."
    Dr. Seuss


    I wish you all peace and happiness!



    Laurie
    Shee_Na Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:30 pm Post subject:
    Another good Dr. Seuss quote is:

    "A person's a person, no matter how small."

    I don't know if that really fits in with what we're going through but it always touched me.

  5. #25
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    When My Grief Was New
    by Ferna Lary

    Bury my head in the sand
    til my heart no longer cries
    for there’s no pain like the pain you feel
    when a loved one dies.

    Bury my heart in the ground
    til the very last moment in time,
    for there’s nothing left inside me to give,
    no poems left in me to rhyme.

    Bury my soul in the sea
    till the waters turn into clay,
    for there’s nothing left to hope for now
    that my love has gone away.

    Bury my hopes and dreams
    and my laughter and smiles, too,
    for there’s no one left on the face of this earth
    that cares if I ever do.

    Bury me last but not least
    in the grave by my loved one’s side,
    and let peace return to this lonesome beast
    since my loved one died.

    Along Grief’s Journey
    I hear little children laughing
    and the sound brings my soul such pain.
    Yet I know in my heart that life goes on
    and I must learn to live again.

    Some days I stay so busy
    I don’t even realize you’re gone.
    Then there are all of those other days when
    I feel like I can’t go on.

    Sometimes I think I dreamed you…
    that you never existed for real.
    You’ve been gone so long and I’m just not strong
    for my life has become surreal.

    They tell me it’s time to let go
    and build a new life without you.
    But the builder is weak and I can’t even speak
    and I don’t know what else to do.

    How long will this pain last, Lord?
    How many tears have I already cried?
    It seems like forever since my world fell apart
    when my loved one died.

    Peace in My Soul
    It was such an awesome day
    and I stopped to stare up at the sky.
    My heart skipped a beat as I heard you speak
    when you asked the angel, “Why?”

    “I wrote ‘I love you’ in the sky
    as big and as plain as can be.
    How can she stand down there and look up here
    and still not be able to see?”

    The clouds were broken and thin,
    and swirled randomly through the air.
    I searched and strained at all that remained
    of the swirls of white still there.

    The angel’s voice was soft and low
    as I smiled and raised my brow,
    and I heard her say in the strangest way
    “She’s starting to see it now.”

    There’s a bittersweet peace in my soul
    and a sense of awesome pride
    knowing you’re up there writing words in the air,
    and our love has never died.

    (About the author: A poetic trilogy describing the journey through grief. Each poem is complete, describing one aspect of the journey, yet the three together combine into one poem about grief recovery.)

  6. #26
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    A Grieving Parent Is...
    A grieving parent is someone who will never
    forget thier child no matter how painful memories are.

    A grieving parent is someone who yearns to be with their
    dead but connot conceive leaving their living ones.

    A grieving parent is someone who has part of a heart as
    the rest is buried with their child.

    A grieving parent is someone who begs for relief from
    the memories whch plague them and then feels guilty
    when they get it.

    A grieving parent is someone who pretends to be happy
    and enjoying life when they really are dying inside.

    A grieving parent is someone who can cry or laugh at
    the drop of a hat whenever they remember their beloved child

    A grieving parent is someone who feels as if they just lost
    their child yesterday no matter how much time has passed.

    A grieving parent is someone who fears for their remaining
    family because they cannot bear to have any more losses.

    A grieving parent is someone who sits by their child's gravestone
    and feels a knife stabbing their heart.

    A grieving parent is someone who wants to help others who
    have lost loved ones because somehow their loss is theirs
    all over again.

    Auther Unknown

  7. #27
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    This is a great one too.





    Who Gets in Your Bucket?
    By Doug Manning
    Oklahoma City, Oklahoma


    The best way I know to picture how we receive help from others in grief, is to imagine you are holding a bucket. The size and color doesn't matter. The bucket represents the feelings bottled up inside of you when you are in pain. If you have suffered a loss, hold the bucket and think through how you feel right now. If you are reading this to learn more about helping others, then imagine what would be in your bucket if a loved one had died very recently.

    What is in your bucket?

    Fear. Will I survive? What will happen to me now? Who will care for me? Who will be with me when I need someone near?

    Most likely your bucket is almost full just from the fear. But there is also:

    Pain. It is amazing how much physical pain there is in grief. Your chest hurts, and you can't breathe. Sometimes the pain is so intense your body refuses to even move. There is enough pain to fill the bucket all by itself.

    Sorrow. There is devastating sadness; overwhelming sorrow. A gaping hole has been bitten out of your heart and it bleeds inside your very soul. You cry buckets of tears and then cry some more.

    Loneliness. There is no lonely like that felt when you are in a room full of people and totally alone at the same time. Loneliness alone can fill any bucket ever made.

    I could go on, but that's enough to get the idea across, and hopefully get you started thinking through your own list. What is in your bucket?
    Now picture someone like me approaching you and your bucket. I also have a bucket. My bucket is full of explanations. I am armed and ready to explain why your loved one had to die, how they are now better off and how you should feel.
    I am also well equipped with new ways to look at your loss. In politics they call that "spin doctoring," but most human beings seem to know this skill by instinct.
    I have almost a bucketful of comforting words and encouraging sayings. I can also quote vast amounts of scriptures. I seem to favor the ones that tell you not to grieve.
    So we face each other armed with full buckets. The problem is, I don't want to get into your bucket. Yours is scary. If I get in there, you might start crying and I may not be able to make you stop. You might ask me something I could not answer. There is too much intimacy in your bucket. I want to stand at a safe distance and pour what is in my bucket into yours. I want the things in my bucket to wash over your pain like some magic salve to take away your pain and dry your tears. I have this vision of my words being like cool water to a dry tongue. Soothing and curing as it flows.
    But your bucket is full. There is no room for anything that is in my bucket. Your needs are calling so loudly there is no way you could hear anything I say. Your pain is far too intense to be cooled by any verbal salve, no matter how profound.
    The only way I can help you is to get into your bucket, to try to feel your pain, to accept your feelings as they are and make every effort to understand. I cannot really know how you feel. I cannot actually understand your pain or how your mind is working under the stress, but I can stand with you through the journey. I can allow you to feel what you feel and learn to be comfortable doing so. That is called, "Getting into your bucket."
    I was speaking on guilt and anger in grief to a conference of grieving parents. I asked the group what they felt guilty about. I will never forget one mother who said, "All the way to the hospital, my son begged me to turn back. He did not want the transplant. He was afraid. I would not turn back, and he died."
    I asked her how many times someone had told her that her son would have died anyway. She said, "Hundreds." When I asked her if that had helped her in any way she said, "No."
    I asked her how many times she had been told that she was acting out of love and doing the right thing, she gave the same two responses. Many times and, no, it did not help."
    I asked her how many times she had been told that God had taken her son for some reason, and she gave the same responses- "many" and "no help."
    I asked how many times someone had told her that it had been four years since her son's death and that it was time to "Put that behind you and get on with your life."
    This time she responded with great anger that she had heard that from many wellmeaning people, including family members, and that it not only did not help, it added to her pain and made her angry.
    What I was really asking her is, "How many people have tried to pour their buckets into yours?"
    I then said, "Would it help if I hugged you and said `that must really hurt'?"
    She said, "That would help a great deal. That would really help."
    Why would that help? Because I was offering to get into her bucket with her and to be in her pain, instead of trying salve over her pain with words and explanations.
    If you are in pain, find someone who will get into your bucket. Most of the time these folks are found in grief groups or among friends who have been there. It is not normal procedure. It is hard to swallow our fears and climb into your bucket.
    If you are reading this to find ways to help others in grief, then lay aside your explanations and your words of comfort. Forget all of the instructions and directions you think will help and learn to say, "That must really hurt." I think that is the most healing combination of words in the English language. They really mean, "May I feel along with you as you walk through your pain?" "May I get into your bucket?"

    Healing happens in their buckets

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    Prayer When One's Child is Stillborn
    written by Naomi Levy

    I never got to know you.

    I felt you inside me, I worried over you. I dreamed about you. I grew with you. I picked a name for you. I was expecting you. I was so looking forward to raising to raising you and watching you grow. But that's not ever going to happen. And I feel very angry and very sad. I wanted to keep you safe, but I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you from everything that went wrong.

    Heal my heart, God, restore my soul. Be with me in my sorrow, surround me with Your comfort. Revive my hope, God; help me to believe that I will come to know blessings and joy once more.

    I entrust him to You, God. Take care of him. Watch over him. Protect him. Shelter him with gentleness and love. As I would. Spread Your Peace over him.

    Hear me, God. Heal me, God. Amen

  9. #29
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    Homesick
    by Mercy Me

    You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
    And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
    But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
    Is how long must I wait to be with you

    I close my eyes and I see your face
    If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
    Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
    I've never been more homesick than now

    Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
    The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
    But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
    Cause I'm still here so far away from home

    I close my eyes and I see your face
    If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
    Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
    I've never been more homesick than now

    In Christ, there are no goodbyes
    And in Christ, there is no end
    So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
    To see you again
    To see you again

    And I close my eyes and I see your face
    If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
    Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
    Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
    Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

    I've never been more homesick than now

  10. #30
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    Barely A Mother
    By Erin McSparron

    If I am a Mother,
    It seems I’m barely so.
    For it was for only weeks or months
    That I held my baby close.

    But God is helping me to understand
    He made me a Mother that day.
    The day He gave me a precious life to hold
    And no one can take that away.

    For Motherhood is a valuable gift
    Given by the Father above.
    Conception is the only condition
    Not a living child to love.

    God also gives another gift
    A gift of love so wild
    A Mother feels this gift most strong
    When she’s separated from her child.

    For grief is not a symptom given
    To those who know no love.
    It’s not a sign of weakness
    But proof of God above.

    So God knew that I would be sad
    When He took my baby home
    But He promised to be by my side
    And never leave me alone.

    So if you’re told that Motherhood
    Is reserved for Moms of the living
    Remember the honor that God gave you
    When He chose you for your baby’s beginning

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