A poll of sorts

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TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
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A poll of sorts

What is worse, Feeling like you should have done more to prevent your loss, or knowing that there was nothing you could have done to prevent your loss?

I am struggling with the "If I would have only....." and I am struggling with the fact that he had problems that no one knew about. I guess the question is more "which is worse, guilt or helplessness?"

vbear's picture
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with my 1st m/c I blamed myself alot but with this 2nd on I knew there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.Either way though ,the loss is still tough

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"TyrantOfTheWeek" wrote:

What is worse, Feeling like you should have done more to prevent your loss, or knowing that there was nothing you could have done to prevent your loss?

I am struggling with the "If I would have only....." and I am struggling with the fact that he had problems that no one knew about. I guess the question is more "which is worse, guilt or helplessness?"

*If I would have only...* doesn't mean that *he would have done*....Remember that... :bighug:

In the beginning...I did have some guilt..thinking that I did not do enough to try and find out what was wrong with me....I felt I failed my babies..

Over time, I had every test done...and nothing was found...So, helplessness..

The above said...After I dealt with the helplessness..the weight that I carried (trying to control my pregnancies successful outcome even though I had no answers...The pain of the loss of my babies is always with me...though I know that they are in heaven with God) was lifted tremendously...

I suppose depending on what ones beliefs are...That this will have alot to do with ones answer..

Marie

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Helplessness here. Then I also feel like If I had bonded with my baby more or gotten more excited about being pregnant agian then nothing would have happend. I know this is not true but I still have the feelings. I am a mom of a 8, 6, and 15 month old so I was so busy that at times I forgot I was pregnant. I kinda blame myself even though I know I did nothing.

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Helplessness. If I hadn't been living alone I wouldn't have lost the baby, but how could I have changed that? It makes me angry more than anything.

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I feel guilty for getting pregnant at the age of 18. I feel like it was selfish and irresponsible of me to get pregnant in the first place. During the 8 weeks that I was pregnant, I felt a range of emotions: everything from shock to fear to resignation. The week before I miscarried I actually started to get excited and happy about my pregnancy, but I started bleeding on Wednesday, January 31, and my baby left me on Friday, February 1. It all happened so quickly, I didn't really even have time to think about whether I could do anything to stop it.

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I think feeling like you could have done more is worse because (theoretcially) it puts some of the "blame" on your shoulders, where if you didn't know about any issues, you truly can be "blameless" I hate using those words, but I"m sure you get what I'm meaning.

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DH and I had a long talk last night. I said we could sit and spend hours listing the "what ifs". In the end, there was nothing we could have done or nothing we did that made me lose the baby. All the psychoanalyizing would just drive us nuts.
:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

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I hate living with the guilt. I drank pepsi max when pg (contains caffeine and aspartame) and I am now convinced thats what caused my loss. I hate that thought, and I just cant shake it.

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I would say helplessness, for me, is the worst. There's nothing I could have done to prevent my ectopic pregnancy, and nothing I could have done to prevent my most recent loss. Top that with 'unexplained infertility' and I've got a whole heck of a lot of helplessness on my part.

It feels like trying to grab a shadow and hold onto it.