I haven't been here in a long time... but am hoping for some support/empathy/advice.
I became pregnant for the first time ever at age 35 in Oct 08, and had a miscarriage with D&C at 10/11 weeks on Dec 19, 2008. My EDD was July 13, which happens to also be my father's bday - he passed away two years ago on June 12.
So, had my baby survived, I would be about 7/8 months pregnant right now... and I feel like everywhere I look are women with perfect round baby bellies. It hurts to see them. To see the happiness in their faces, see them shopping for baby gear.
I don't know if I will ever have another 'chance' to be pregnant again...
I don't know how to handle this. I'm sure at this point everyone in my 'real' life thinks I should be 'over' this and have moved on long ago. But I think I will always have the "should be x months preg now... should have a x month old right now... ' and I don't know how to make it better.
I'm single... had broken up with the father of the baby before I found out I was pregnant... and truly, if I were to get pregnant again I would like to be married... but I keep wondering if I should explore conceiving again now... on my own.... I know that I want a baby, children..... what if I never meet the 'one' and get married? I'm already 35.
I seem to to be doing the same thing. Seeing pregnant women everywhere (I think they're stalking me), looking at their cute bellies and trying to estimate how far along they are. And then thinking where I would be, how my belly would look. And staring at my very flat belly in the mirror and hating it. I do my best to simply avoid being near the aisles where they congregate, but there's no avoiding them at the check out. It hurts, it sucks, and I wish I could tell you how to deal with it, but that would mean that I knew how, and I don't. I just try not to see them.
I can relate on the subject of the father, I broke up with my angel's father just before I found out I was pregnant. I told him, as I think it is his right to know, but there has been very little support. While I see myself as a strong woman, sometimes it feels like there should be another person grieving for that baby, and I want to scream at him that the baby was his too. Why doesn't he hurt?
And I don't think you should be "over" this. I got told that three months after my d&c, and couldn't imagine how anyone could think that. A friend of mine who lost her baby told that this will never get better, never hurts less. Eventually it will hurt less often, but never less. There will always be that loss in your life. She shared a poem with me that I think sums it up very well.
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Hugs! I have found a great amount of solace talking with women who are also wearing these horrible shoes. Knowing that other people understand the pain that you are going through and being able to talk to them helps.
I wouldn't give up hope I was married and divorced and then found my beautiful soul when I was 34. We didn't have our first until I was 37. I just had my 2nd at 40 - even if she has passed. We're still planning on completing our family - so if I have time - so do you
Even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment - there is always a reason for a loss. Just know that there are others out here just like you and you have become a stronger person for it. Take courage and keep hope
Hugs hon. I struggle to see pregnant bellies and infants as well. It really really bothers me. I have avoided many church activities and other activities where I know there is an abundance of bellies or babies, because I can not handle it. I don't think you need to be over it, because as others said, you never will be. Hugs and prayers.
Have you thought about having your eggs frozen? It prevents the damange that could lead to chromosomal abnormalities like Down, Patau, and Edwards syndromes. That way if you don't feel ready for a child now, but you're worried about late maternal age and damaged eggs, it leaves an option open. I'm kinda in the same boat; I lost a fallopian tube and an ovary, so my fertility was cut waaayy down. I'm not ready for a child now and I need to finish my schooling (medical school and residency) before I feel like I could have a child. By the time all that is done, I'll probably be infertile. So having eggs frozen gives me that back up and some time. Just a thought.
I know what you are going through. The loss of a child is something you never "get over". but eventually the hurt subsides. To me it is only natural to resent seeing these women. After 2 years, I still hate seeing them. a friend of mine was due at the same time as me. I lost mine but she gave birth to a beautiful little girl that i still cannot look at after 2 years. As far as getting "too old" to have babies, I would discuss it with your OB/GYN and see what they have to say. Good Luck to you!
I really hear your pain. I loss two pregnancies 3 years ago and not a day has gone by that I miss them or is reminded me of my loss. I live on a Military Base and everywhere I go I see pregnant women, mommies and daddies with their children and babies so young that look like they were just born recently. My heart just aches for the two that I lost. I used to have this friend whos son was born the same year as my last loss EDD and it gives me tears thinking about the son or daughter that could have been. I could no longer be this women friend when she could't respect our feelings or asked for all of our stuff for free (Includes brandnew furniture). I told her she's no longer my friend but she doesn't get the point and still stops by and talks about TTC her 9th kid with her current DH even though they are 100% getting divoriced. She just want more money out of him. When she said she was pregnant, me and her DH dont believe her as she wont prove it ( she refuses to take a pregnancy test or get an U/S) she comes over and shows off her stomach.