Questions from my brother (m/c ment)

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Joined: 09/22/06
Posts: 1
Questions from my brother (m/c ment)

My brother and his wife went in yesterday for what was supposed to be their 2nd routine prenatal checkup at 15 weeks only to discover that their baby had died somewhere around 11 weeks. I'm sure they were in shock yesterday and didn't think to ask questions of the doctor but today he is wondering if they will be able to see the baby, will they be told if it's a boy or a girl and if there will be a funeral or do they just consider it bio waste? He's asking me because I've had 2 miscarriages myself. Mine were at 6 1/2 weeks though and I never had to have a D&C or D&E like she is scheduled for. I don't know the answer to his questions and can only be there for him emotionally.

Can anyone tell me the answer to his questions? Or should I just have him call the hospital and ask?


squirlyj's picture
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 121

If it's important to them, they should absolutely be allowed to see their baby and take it with them to have a funeral or whatever they want. Some hospitals do memorials, too. I would suggest to them that they take pictures, hand and foot prints if possible.

Many doctors just do a D&C by default, discard the baby and never even ask what the patient wants. There are other options.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 672

I would have them ask.

If the baby passed @ 11wks and they are just finding out @ 15wks i'm going to guess that the normal process of decompostion has already started taking place. The Dr's probably won't let them see the baby depending on that alone.

Gender = They would probably need the genetic testing done to tell that. I think it would be too early to be able to give them a definte answer.

They should absolutely be able to have a funeral if thats what they want. I know quite a few people who got the remains and buried them in their yard with a tree/plant dedicated to the baby.

On a personal note: I know how hard it was to see my own sister go through her losses. I really does trigger our own memory's. Please be gentle on yourself too and remind them that you made it through.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

If she has a D&C or a D&E they will not be able to see the baby. For them to see th ebaby she would have to be induced and have a delivery, something they usually do not due at that age.

You can ask for the remains.

I;m sorry for their loss.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I have nothing factual to add (the above posters said it all for me).

But I just wanted to extend my heartfelt condolences to your brother and SIL, and also to you: I'm so sorry for the loss of your niece or nephew.

Please encourage them to memorialize their baby however they wish to. It's very healing. Also, please invite them to come here too.


shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for their loss....and yours.