Today is four weeks since our loss. This morning I had my follow up appointment with the doctor. It was really depressing, sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of hugely pregnant women. The doctor asked if I wanted to go on any type of BC, and when I said no, he said that he prefers that I wait two or three cycles before TTC again. He said he would see me in May for my yearly, unless I am pregnant before then. I just said thanks, and left feeling so sad and depressed, knowing that my DH isn't sure he wants to have another baby, and that this pregnancy could have been my last (This pregnancy was a "surprise"). I've tried to explain to my DH how sad I am not only for losing this baby, but because the whole situation puts us at odds in our relationship. We've been married 4 1/2 years, and in all that time have never had a "major" disagreement. We've always worked things out. But there doesn't seem to be a comprise on this one - I want to get pregnant again, ASAP, he doesn't, and thinks that maybe we shouldn't have any more kids (we have one DD together, and I have a DSD). ARGGHHHH! Getting pregnant by accident was great in the regard that it wasn't a "decision" we made, it just happened. MY husband never makes "decisons" lightly, and always has to think about things forever, and tries to be very practical and analytical. I don't want to be "practical" or think about it forever - I just want to be pregnant again!
Sorry that this turned into a rant, thanks for reading (if you made it this far) and for letting me get that out...
Last edited by LauraT; 11-14-2007 at 04:48 PM.
Reason: to remove signature
It is still an early time in your loss. Things are still fresh and sensitive. Give you husband time to deal, he may come around. Waiting 3 months maybe the time he needs to change his mind. I hope things work out the way you want.
I agree with Robin in that it is still early days for both of you. After our loss DH and i said to each other that we would never try for children again because it was too painful to loose them. It took a while before we finally came around to the idea of trying again and even so DH wants to wait a lot longer than i do. We have come to a compromise in the time we will wait.
I know that there is no compromise i guess when it comes to whether you actuallt will have more children or not, and i feel for you in that situation. I honestly think it would put our marriage under a lot of strain if DH said the same thing to me, although that may be because we dont have any living children yet.
Hopefully he will come around in time and you will both be on the same page.
Let it out hon. We are all here for you. It is really hard to feel like that and know that your partner doesn't feel the same way. I was like that immediately as well. Men grieve differently and don't express things in the same way that we do. I cannot say that he will come around, but it is possible. I thought my DH would never come around. It took about three months and not mentioning it (that killed me) before he did. I hope that you two can work this out. Shelly
You poor thing, Im in a similar situation, although only at odds over the amount of time. just the thought of having to wait 5 months is torture for me! DH doesnt want to try until March/April......I want to wait one cycle and jump right back in! His idea is we will relax and enjoy the honeymoon etc. Mine is I would rather be pregnant than riding rollercoasters!! I would be quite happy to relax around the hotel.
I think his issue is he doesnt like seeing me hurting. It hurt him to loose our first children, but it hurt him more I think to have phonecalls with my mother hearing me in pain in the background, and coming to the hospital to see me with tubes everywhere. This time I bounced back much quicker (physically only) and didnt have any pain, so I think I might be able to convince him that I am not fragile enough to have to wait.
Maybe your DH will come round when he sees that although it hurt you really badly to loose your baby, you can move on, and would really like to try again. I have heard many similar stories from women, and the common factor always seems to be that their men care so much about them that they dont want to see them in pain. So think that by not trying they can avoid that. Maybe he thinks that it is just your grief that is driving you to want another baby at the moment, and he will reconsider when he realises you are serious??? I don't know, but I really really hope for your sake he comes around and you can try again.
Thanks, ladies, for all your responses. I think he truely believes I only want to try again because I am greiving. Which is not the case. Being pregnant just really made me realize that all along I had wanted another child and had stuffed those feelings aside in order to be "practical". I think he is also worried about having another loss, because this one did really affect him strongly, plus, like most men, he hates to see me in pain. I'm just going to try not to mention it for awhile, leave him alone about it, and see how he feels in a few months. In the mean time, I'm going to focus on trying to loose some of these extra pounds I'm carrying around (I gained 4 pounds while pregnant PLUS 3 more after the miscarriage - EEEK!). And hopefully potty training my 2 1/2-year-old. That should keep me busy and keep my mind off the baby issue!
I'm so sorry hon. My DH freaks a bit after a m/c because he hates seeing me torn up and doesn't want to get his hopes up again just to have them shot down. I think that giving him some time is a great idea! Maybe he'll feel differently in a few months.