Today was to be the day that i was to have delivered my lil angel. I am going through a range of emotions. This lil angel was the third baby we lost and we thought for sure he would make it to be held in our arms. Sadly he didnt make it as i had an ectopic pregnancy. Its just so hard making it through the days of when our lil ones were due. I go from being so mad to just being a total wreck. We had thought we were ready to try again, sicne i had lost the baby in march, but now i just dont know. In the back of my mind i think this next one will make it, but then i think i am going to be right where i am again today. It tears my heart into pieces when i sit here and think of what he would look like, if he would have my husbands eyes or my smile. But i do want to think of everyone who makes all of us women on this board get through another day. Some of us wouldbe lost without all the women on this board, i know i would.
I am so sorry that you don't have your little one here with you. I can't imagine the heartache of losing os many babies. I can't really advice you on ttc as I am not ready to go down that road yet but I hope when the time is right I will know it in my heart.
Now that you have had multiple losses will they take your care more seriously, when you are ready to ttc again?
Well the last pregnancy i had they tested my beta levels every two days, and the numberse were going up like they were supposed to. They never did any ultrasounds because with the numbers going up correctly we didnt think anything about losing this baby again. Then when i got to nine weeks my tube ruptured and i was bleeding to death internally. They had no time to do anything, but they did do an ultrasound which confirmed our worse fear. The doctors ran some tests on me while i was in the hospital and could not find anything wrong with me. They have me on progesterone suppositories for when we do try again and i think i will be demanding more ultrasounds to ensure my baby is ok.
I can totally understand not being ready. I pray that when you are ready you will be able to carry a healty full term baby. my heart goes to you as well.
I am so sorry you are having a bad day, but I think it is normal. My lit angels due date would be Dec 3 and I am not sure how I will react or deal on that day. You have every right to feel the way you do. So many losses, I think you are brave to have tried so many times. I am not ready to go down that road again, but you will know when you are or not. I hope you find some peace down the road.