Seeking help...

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Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56
Seeking help...

So, it has been almost three weeks and I have been told by several people that not only am I not getting better, that I have basically become a different person. So, I have emailed my doctor in hopes that he can recommend someone for me to see. I am still crying almost every day, I don't go out to do much of anything, even a trip to the gym the other day did nothing to lift my spirits. I've tried walking home from the Metro station, that doesn't make me feel better either. I barely sleep on work nights, and then stay in bed or nap half the day on weekends.

I feel like even more of a failure now. Not only could I not take care of my own child, now I can't even manage to take care of myself. My only goal each day is to make it to work, so I don't fired. Guess that counts for something, right?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Honey, please be gentle with yourself. You are not a failure! Losing a baby is not an easy thing to deal with and it is common to suffer from depression. (Even PPD as cruel as that seems.)
Kudos for reaching out and asking for help, that was very brave of you!!! Everyone deals with loss differently and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to cope. The pain does ease with time. Please PM me if you need to talk.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Call one of the local hospitals. Many times they have loss support groups they are aware of. PM me your zip code, I have some resources that may be able to help in your area.

iceblink's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 2

I just wanted to say I read your other posts and you need to give yourself a break, you are not a failure and losing your baby had nothing to do with anything you did/didn't do. And you ARE taking care of yourself by eating, sleeping, going to work, asking for help!! What you are going through is extremely difficult, and starting a new job on top of everything...it takes a lot of effort when you have gone through something so traumatic.

Don't be afraid to feel the way you do, it is healthy to work through all this and grieve on your own schedule. And anyone who thinks that you would be exactly the same after losing a baby has obviously not suffered a loss or has the emotional capacity of a robot.

I think it would help to see a professional. Just voicing how we feel with someone who can listen and not judge is profoundly helpful.

:bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Three weeks is not a long time. After my first miscarriage I developed depression and panic attacks that made it impossible to work. If you are working and getting the "courage" to face day in and out you are on the right track. PPD is also a possibility depending on when you miscarried.

Good luck and take the time you need. You are not a failure.
Robin

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I know how you feel. I finally spoke to my Dr. after almost 4 months. Now I'm on pills (that prevent me from trying again should I want to anytime soon) and seeing a shrink. But at least I feel like i'm taking control again of my life. I cry a lot still and I have days where I still don't want to get out of bed but I'm feeling a little better. I'm capable now of faking it when I don't feel good. I too just wanted to keep my job. My hubby, my co-workers and my family were very, very worried about me. I only sought help to make them feel better. But I'm glad I did. I told my job to back out of my personal life though. But that's another story. I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand the feelings of failure and being upset that your dissapointing the people around you. I still feel that way a lot but I'm able to have a good daily life again too. I hope you get to that point sooner then I did. My thoughts are with you.

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

Ps, the girls are right, you do need to give yourself a break. You don't deserve the pain your going through and your are not a failure in any way.

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

I ditto what the previous posters said. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time :bighug:

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 66

It's ONLY been 3 weeks. You lost a dream. Of course it is going to be difficult. You are in mourning. Nobody would expect anyone to get over the loss of their spouse in just 3 weeks.

I know I just want the next few months to go by quickly at this point, because it is depressing and difficult. I think it's a good idea to see someone. Part of the problem could be hormonal as well.

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

I took two big steps today.

1st - I sent my ex-SO an email, asking him to not get in touch with me at all. After discussing with my best friend and mom, I determined that at this point, he is only making me worse. He continues to mess with my head and confuse me. One minute he loves me, the next he is talking about seeing other people and telling me I should to. He did not contact me all day, so I think he will at least honor my wishes.

2nd - I went to dinner with a woman who just moved to D.C. also. Our parents are friends, so that's how we got in touch. It was still difficult, as she is only a year older than me and has two kids. It makes me feel even more lonely, not have kids at almost 32. Anyways, it was nice to just go out and have dinner and talk about non-baby related stuff.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am trying....but getting up every day is still very hard. Maybe that is why I don't sleep at night, because I know what is on the other end. The morning, realizing what I have lost all over again.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

No man is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.
~Danielle Ireland

Good for you! Baby steps, honey. You do not need to "prove" anything to us, we have all been in your shoes. :bigarmhug:

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Saw a therapist today...and probably getting on meds tomorrow. I am feeling a little better. Talked to my dad and he said at least I am taking some action to get better. In the meantime, I am putting together a puzzle, which gives me something else to focus on.

Just wanted to give you guys an update. Smile

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Do not feel bad about taking medication for depression. I am glad you are reaching out to get help.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh boy, your story takes me right back to my last m/c and how depressed and inconsolable I was. My SO and I split not long after this m/c (our 2nd) and I have no doubt my depression was a huge part of that. But! Someone who can't stick by me when I'm at my lowest is not someone I want to be with.

Hang in there! Things will get better, but it won't happen fast. Unfortunately, time is really the only thing that I find lessens the pain...

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Thanks for the votes of confidence. It is getting better, a little at a time. Oh, and I haven't been on much lately because my internet keeps screwing up. Ugh!