Silent Grief: Share your story

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MissyJ's picture
Last seen: 4 weeks 5 hours ago
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3289
Silent Grief: Share your story

Pregnancy & infant Loss is far too common. At least one in eight children are 'born too soon'. In recognition of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day October 15th, throughout this week will be focusing on various aspects of this rather unique grief journey.

For those who have suffered a loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, or beyond, we invite you to post and share your story here with others. While I wish that this did not impact any of our members, I am extremely grateful for the support and opportunity to connect with others here that truly do understand.

Many women do suffer a "silent grief" - as others around them - including family, friends, coworkers, and total strangers - all too often don't 'get it'. The well meant phrases or admonitions can fall too short or even worse... cause even more pain... coming across as callous and coldhearted instead. Many view this type of loss as "far easier" than losing an older loved one. We're here to proclaim that ANY loss of a loved one -- including those within a pregnancy/infant stage -- is painful and each with its own grief journey to go through. Every woman, every pregnancy, and every loss is different. So too are the paths towards healing.

Take time this week (and beyond!) to share your story. Together, we will honor and remember.

Please be sure to watch the announcements for more activities and resources available throughout the week.

~Missy (

P.S. We understand that at times writing out your thoughts and feelings may be difficult to do -- whether your loss was yesterday or 20 years ago. Stirring up those emotions can be painful even as you heal. Please let us know if you are in need of some additional support - either by creating your own post on the board or you may feel free to email me privately if you prefer.

MrsDisel's picture
Last seen: 3 years 12 months ago
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 338

I lost my son last year in April 2009. I know a lot of you had followed our story while I was pregnant with him, and want to thank everyone for your love and support during that time. Being a part of this community was a tremendous help in getting through one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.

You can read my sons story HERE if you are unfamiliar with his story.

My heart goes out to all the women who have suffered the loss of a little one. I know the pain of it all to well. I'm available to talk with anyone that needs someone to talk to Biggrin I'm always glad to help anyway that I can. :bigarmhug: to you all!!

Kayla1981's picture
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/04/07
Posts: 1529

I started a blog when I had a miscarriage in 2008. My whole story is written there if you want to read it but I will share a little here.

I learned of my miscarriage during a sonogram. I had already seen the heartbeat at a previous appointment with my RE but my first appointment with the OB was when we found out. We had already been trying for over a year and I had gone through two surgeries just to get pregnant. Obviously I was devastated. It took just over a year for me to get pregnant again. I had a couple of good appointments and then another heartbreaking blow. I was told I had miscarried again. I spent the weekend grieving with my husband and was told to come back Monday for a D&C. They always do a repeat ultrasound before, just to make sure they diagnosed the miscarriage correctly. It was then that we saw a heartbeat! I was shocked, my husband was shocked. We found out that I had miscarried a twin but we still had one strong and healthy baby in there. Now we have our sweet baby girl here with us and two angels in our hearts forever..

MissyJ's picture
Last seen: 4 weeks 5 hours ago
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3289

Thank you both for sharing your stories. ((((((HUGS)))))) I also consider it a real blessing or gift for me that I have been able to witness your paths to where you are today. You both are absolutely amazing women and an inspiration to others!

All the best,


Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
My journey

Present day or actually 2004 I married the love of my life. Together we tried for a year with no success. We went for testing and found out that I had PCOS. We tried 2 rounds of IUI with no success. We then ventured into the world of IVF. Scared but sure this would be it I ended up with 34 eggs retrieved and OHSS. Out of the 34 retrieved 11 fertilized, GREAT. We implanted one embryo and I found out I was pregnant. I was going to a fetal medicine doctor because of my history with depression and anxiety I was on medication for and we wanted to make sure all was well with the baby. At 15 weeks gestation we went for a typical u/s and learned that my bag was bulging and I was 3 cm dialated. I layed in the hospital for 5 days flat on my back with medication to stop the contractions. It did not work. On June 18, 2007 I delivered my Rebecca. Perfect but too small for this world. Fast forward 2008 I had a blighted ovum. 2009 I had a BFN after 2 embroys implanted. Then in April of 2010 I found out that I had a stroke and was told that children are not possible. My husband and I decided that we wouldn't prevent pregnancy but IVF was now not an option. On July 21st I found out that I was pregnant again, this time unexpected and naturally. We saw the heartbeat at 5.5 weeks and at 7 weeks the heart just stopped beating. I am now stuck on what to do next. I miss my babies everyday and I for one am tired of grieving in silence. We need to come together and stop the silence for good. Please share your stories, here and everywhere.

Dedicated to Rebecca Allison and Baby boy

CamelNoodle's picture
Last seen: 1 year 2 months ago
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

*****living children ment*****

I was just looking at my blog, and it was 4 years ago that I first started my journal for my son Joseph.

My son Joseph was stillborn at 29w5d, but his story starts much earlier. I found out at our 12 week ultrasound that he had a cystic hygroma. We went through many highs and lows during his pregnancy, thinking he was doomed, thinking he would make it. The saddest part to me is that we never really got to say hello. I had an appointment the Friday before he was born, I was spotting a little and we heard his heartbeat. I declined a cervix check, I can't remember the reason now. But I always wonder if I had had that check if we would have figured out I was dialating and then maybe he might have been born alive. I knew he wouldn't make it even if he were born alive, but I feel we would have been recognized as his parents.

We (general we) act as if there is a hierarchy of grief, that a miscarriage is not as hard as a stillbirth, that a stilbirth is not as hard as neonatal death, neonatal death is not as hard as the death of a young child. Well that's bull****. Anyone who's lost a baby LOST A BABY. I'm tired of him being forgotten, that nobody counts him as our child. I've had two children since Joseph, and a son before Joseph, and I'm sick of my dad calling my latest child my "number 3 son". He's #4. I've had 4 kids. I have had 4 pregnancies, I've had 4 labors. They just aren't all here.


gardenbug's picture
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Many of you followed the story of my infant grandson's death in 2008. Not a day goes by that our thoughts don't turn to Reed and his family.

This is a recent update for those of you who helped make it possible. The pavilion is in Waterloo, Ontario and another is in Edmonton. Alberta.

Much work has also been done at the Alberta North Country Fair, creating a children's playground and stage in his honor. Thank you for caring.

And also thank you for contributing fabric and kind words for the wonderful quilt made by the July 2007 Mamas.

Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I see so many strong women! :bigarmhug:

girlisrad's picture
Last seen: 12 months 2 days ago
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

I lost my daughter, Sweet Taylin Jo on May 30th at 15 weeks gestation. The previous day we had gone to an ultrasound for unexplained pain and discovered she had passed. They induced my labor and I was able to deliver her and take her home with us to be buried.

Not a day goes by that I do not think of my sweet daughter, and who she may have been. I know I will see her in Heaven and I cannot wait for that day.

Praying for everyone who has ever suffered a loss.

ashamom27's picture
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

My thoughts and love to all the Mamas and to beloved grandma Marie- hugs.

******living children mentioned*****
I lost my baby in April. We went for the routine 20 weeks sonogram at about 18 weeks ( there were discrepancies in my due date) and we then found out that our baby passed away. It was a complete shock, it was our first loss after nine healthy pregnancies, so we were kind of blindsided. I had a D&C. Two weeks later I found out it was a partial molar pregnancy...
I miss my baby. I think of her daily, I want to hold her. I know she won't be "counted" in society, but I will always remember her. I am thankful for the one ultrasound picture of her I do have. She existed.