Hi-my name is meagan. I have had 3 miscarriages.
Baby #1: lost @ 12 weeks. It was hard, but I knew that the baby had not developed properly, and kind of saw it coming. Lost in June 2006
Baby #2: a healthy little girl in June 2008
Baby #3: a healthy little boy in October 2009
Baby #4: died @ 5 weeks, didn't find out until 11 weeks-D&C followed. This was in January 2011
Baby #5: lost @ 7 weeks after a high stress incident involving my job. This was in April 2011
I was fine after the first loss. Sad and emotional, but after a few months, I was counting down to time to try again. After the 2nd loss, DH and I spent the evening before my surgery weeping, and mourning the loss of the baby we had decided to name Morgan. After the 3rd loss, I was determined to be strong. It wasn't fair to my husband and living children to fall to pieces. I felt like I owed it to them to be the best ME I could be. And I did-I was fine for months.
But a friend was due on the same day as my 5th baby, and when she delivered her child, it triggered something in me. I am angry and bitter, and jealous of all pregnant people I know or see, and I find myself ignoring my friend. I avoid seeing her and pretend the baby isn't around if I DO bring myself to talk to her.
My OB thinks I am suffering from situational depression-and though my DH is extremely understanding, I don't think he understands how I could be fine for so long, and then overnight turn into a mess. My OB wants to put me on some medication, but I am resisting. I have read up, and the side effects scare me.
I need some advice...should I stick it out awhile longer (it's been 3 months since my emotions surfaced-almost a year since the last loss)? Or should I give in and take the drugs? Do the benefits outweigh the side effects?
If anyone has any experience with this aspect of loss, I would appreciate any input.