Hi ladies, I'm having a hard time with my grief. I had a ruptured ectopic (my first and only child) almost six months ago and I thought I'd be so much better by now. In many ways I am. I sleep through the night, I'm able to be intimate with my husband (there was a month in which I didn't want him to touch me) and I'm peaceful about TTC or at least letting it happen.
The problem, though, is that I've realized that I'm isolating myself. My main friends were usually through my church group but, at around the same time as the loss, the group started changing and a lot of the older members dropped out...due to having children. I was so excited to be expecting and joining them at their mother's events and now I still don't fit in there. Just two years ago we would have fun girl's night out events and now they're more likely to hang out at some kiddie place (think people walking around in costumes and cheap pizza).
The group now is young singles just out of college and I don't fit in there, either. They're sweet but my bar days are long over.
If that wasn't enough, my closest friend, who I shared my infertility with, is due--a week before I would have been. What should have been the biggest bonding event of our lives is now the biggest divider and I'm the one putting up the wall between us. I'm polite and listen as much as I can bear it but it'll never be the same. I've lost my best friend over this:-(
I looked into grieve groups for miscarriage but there are none within a possible drive. I have so few girlfriends left. My friends from college are so far away and their lives are so different from mine. I love to hear what they're up to but we don't have much in common anymore for sharing.
I feel like I'm stuck, like I can't move on. The grief of the loss and of my ongoing infertility (almost two years including the loss) is just compounding on itself as my due date nears. My husband and I talk about adoption but we can't decide so we don't do anything (although we can't afford it for a long time anyway).
Anyway, I just needed to share where y'all might understand. If you've been there then your stories/advice would be welcome. Otherwise, just please pray for me if you can. Thanks! I needed to get that out. These next several weeks until my due date are going to be so hard.