Im so sad and upset. My h (not worthy of dh) and I were just having an argument because our landlady is not renewing our rental contract so we have to leave our house by end of May!!! I desperately want to buy as I cannot stand the insecurity of renting. The housing market is a little unstable around here at the moment so h wants to rent. We got in to a fight, and I broke down saying I have just lost my baby and now my home, and I dont have the energy to move, especially not to rent again. He told me to pull myself together, and why am I not over the m/c and d &c yet! I dont think ill ever forgive him for this. he also said to me that I have to make up my mind what I want, I tried to explain that on new years eve I had all I wanted, dd, ds, and a baby on the way - then I lost the baby. He then compared losing the baby to losing a job!! When you lose one, another comes along!! My baby is so not comparible to a b****y job!!!Everyday my life feels so bleak, he has been awful and moody the past week, offering no support whatsoever, and I cant take it anymore. Im wondering around in a daze, and just feeling so miserable and sad. Im having weird nightmares at night, and waking up exhausted also. On top of that he has now said he is not even sure he wants another baby, and even had doubts when I was pg before m/c!!!!!! Im so unbelievably hurt. My hopes of ttc again now are dashed, and that was what was helping to get me through all of this. How do I begin to move on and feel better. There is just no light at the end of my tunnel. Im going to make a docs appointment on Mon to see about getting some meds to help me through, I have always been proud of the fact that I have always mananged to pull myself through everything without ever needing them. This time I cant. I was hoping she may also suggest someone I can talk to, as I feel so alone. Im worried about how low I feel as I have a dd and ds, and I need to get through this for them. I feel like I have a shorter fuse than normal, and I cant tell you how many times I have had to tell dd I have something in my eye to disguise my tears! 'pull yourself together' was the worst thing he could have ever said to me! A hug, and some comfort would have helped. Valentines was awful, he complained I only got him something on the actual day - at least he got something! When will he see, I dont feel like celebrating anything. I want to shut myself away and cry. When will this get better?
Last edited by kt1981; 02-16-2008 at 09:14 AM.
I am so sorry that your h is being such a ? (fill in that question mark with whatever you want).
It is hard to put on the brave face for anyone let alone your other kids. You want to protect them from pain and the experience of loss. Did your children know that you were pg?
H might just be freaked out about ttc because he fears what will happen to you if heaven forbid you have another loss. Give it a bit of time. Men and women do not grieve the same. The were raised not to show their emotions. Just give it some time. Try to find a support group in your area that you can get some help from.
Sending you hugs.I just bumped a thread by amy with two items I think you may want to read.
I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time hun.DH's can be so stupid sometimes.After my 1st m/c mine acted the same way,turns out he was just worried about me and how hard it would be on me if I had another loss.At the time though I wanted to kill him.I hope you can find someone to talk to,I think that might help you alot.
I'm so sorry hun! I wish I could give you a big hug. I can totally relate. My DH told me yesterday I needed to get a grip. He doesn't understand why I'm not all smiles and why I'm not all that fun to be around. Him telling me to get a grip only made me feel worse. I really would have loved a nice hug and something along the lines of "I know you're in a really awful place and you have every right to be pissed off." Having someone acknowledge your feelings is really therapeutic. I try to tell my DH all the time that all I really want is for him to hear what I'm saying and validate my feelings. He doesn't have to agree with me or even like how I'm feeling, but please don't try to argue my feelings or try to convince me I'm not really feeling that way.
I can totally see how miscarrying and then finding out that you have to move would be incredibly overwhelming and almost too much to handle right now. I understand how hard it is to really grieve for your loss while at the same time taking care of your family and tending to your kids. It sometimes feels impossible to do both at the same time.
Hang in there! I bet your DH realizes that he's being really insensitive and comes around. Men seem to have their own way of dealing with things. I'll be thinking of you.
Thanks ladies for all your kind words and support, I guess I just really need to hear that my feelings at the moment are not abnormal. Im being made to feel that I should block my sadness away and move on as it makes others uncomfortable. We are supposed to just keep this sadness in our heart and smile for everyone else. Its not that easy. I printed off some info on the emotional effects of a m/c last night for my h to read so he could perhaps try to understand where I am coming from and why I feel this way. He did not even read it!!! He just bought it downstairs and watched superman!!! I cant tell you how much that hurt. My feelings just dont seem to matter at all. Im seriously doubting the strength of my marriage, and my h's love for me right now. If he loved me, he could not treat me this way im certain of that. My dd said to me this morning 'why do you have such a sad look in your eyes mummy?' that almost broke my heart. I need to try harder for my 2 children. I said to her that I was ok, and look I was smiling and happy. Then she said, 'but your eyes are still sad'. She is only 7!!!! I cant believe I cant even fool her. I really must try to feel better for ds and dd's sake. I dont want them worrying about me. Im going to go to doc tomorrow and asked for a referal to a counsellor. I think (hope) it may help. Once again thanks again for your support. It all just seems alot to deal with right now, the loss, the house and my now marriage problems. Im determined ill get through it though. My dd and ds need me too. I really dont know what I would do if it was not for all of you ladies being here to support me. It helps to come here and just write down my feelings. This is a wonderful and much needed board. (hugs to you all)
I am so very sorry that you had to deal with him being like that. I hope that the doctor visit goes well for you. I have found great comfort in my therapy sessions. I hope that you find the peace that you deserve.
I'm sorry he is being such a jerk now. Guys just don't get it sometimes (or should I say most of the time?).
I think finding someone to talk to will really help you. I just actually found a person to go see, a counselor with the hospice that I plan to call tomorrow.
Have you tried journaling? Sometimes it helps me just to write things down. Also what helps me is reading...I just ordered like 10 books about losing a baby and it does help knowing what I am feeling is "normal".