So sad lost my baby today....

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**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230
So sad lost my baby today....

I was 14 wks exactly today and they think the baby died just yesterday or the day before. There was no fluid around the baby at all. Sunday night I had a lot of pressure and felt the need to pee a lot like a lot a lot. I was concerned I had a UTI or something but had heard my precious baby on my doppler just a bit before that started. So I wonder if I lost the fluid then but my MW says she thinks I would have leaked fluid for hours even if it was just a trickle and I didnt. I want answers but know I wont get them most likely. My MW thinks that maybe the baby didnt grow kidneys properly and couldnt produce enough fluid to sustain it. I have had two m/c before and feel kinda mad that I have to go through this all again though my other m/c were early and this one will be tougher to go through they say. I wanted to have a d&c like I did with my first loss but I am too far along. My 2nd was on my own at home and it was painful and long. I have to go meet with an ob tomorrow moring just exactly where I want to go again. I may have to be induced with cytotec and I really dont want that but will do whatever the dr says is best. I have other children but we want to try again and I want whatever will cause the less harm to me. Gosh I hate this. I dont want this to have happened and it kiilled me to tell my kids that the baby died. They took it well though. I feel stupid for telling them that I was pg but I honstly thought I was in the clear I had even felt flutters. I alternate between numbness and crying and feeling sick to my stomach. Ugh this sucks. I know I will be okay and that I am lucky to have other kids but it just hurts and it sucks. I dont even know what to do with myself really.

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this sweetie. There is nothing that hurts more than losing a baby in my opinion. I lost mine two weeks ago at 9 weeks. In my case, the heart just stopped beating so they were thinking heart defect but I guess we'll never really know since it was early. I can't imagine going to 14 weeks and getting past that first trimester and feeling safe like they say you can and then having it happen. I understand how you're feeling. Especially right after I lost mine, I alternated between sobbing so hard I didn't know if I'd ever stop to just staring off at nothing for hours. I wouldn't leave the house and I couldn't sleep. I didn't change clothes for three days. It was pretty rough. My heart hurts for you hun. It's just such a horrible and indescribably painful thing to go through even if you know you can try again, have other kids, etc. It's amazing how quickly you bond with that little life inside you and the loss of that life is just crushing. I hope that you can get things worked out so that you can heal as quickly as possible from this physically. And don't feel stupid in the slightest for telling your kids. They always say the 12 week mark is best to tell everyone. I told most everyone at 8 weeks and lost it the next week so...I guess just anything can happen. It sure does suck though. You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending giant hugs to you sweetie! I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Tiffany, I was so sad to read this. Your story is so similar to mine. I was 14 weeks and 1 day, and I had just heard the hb earlier that day, then everything just happened. It was different from my other losses in so many ways. In some ways, it was more of a shock, because I was so far along. But in some ways, it was better, because I got to experience this little one before he passed away, even the little flutters like you describe. This may sound morbid, but holding him in my hand, even though it was traumatic, gave me a sense of peace and closure that I never had with my other losses. I also told my kids at around 12 weeks (after my u/s), thinking that we were in the clear. They were sad when we told them the baby died, but they took it well. I hope you decide on what is best for you. I didn't have a choice b/c I started having contractions at home without warning, and within about a 1/2 hour it was all over.

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Deb it is so awful what happened I am sorry we are both here. It sucks is an understatement. Did they have any answers for you on why? I just want to know and I know I may never and know it won't make things easier. I am worried as well about getting pg again someday and having the same thing happen and knowing might help prevent that. I am going in for an induction tomorrow morning. It's not going to be easy but I want to move on and this is what they recommend. I will have an epidural for pain and can have meds in an IV to sleep but I think I want to stay awake.

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

I just wanted to extend my condolences as well. So SO sorry for your loss. It is just so devastating, at any point really. But after hearing a heartbeat, and knowing that baby was there and alive it just makes it that much worse.

I was induced with my girl when I lost her at 15 weeks. I don't regret going through the "labor" and bringing her into the world. To hold her, to get to know her a little. It made all the difference for myself and my husband.

Keeping you in my thoughts.... I am so sorry.

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Joee (pretty sure that's right?) this may sound awful but your baby girl was "intact" when she was born? I've been warned that my baby might not be bc it's only 14 wks. That just sounds awful to me and I don't know that I want to see him/her if they are that way. I just don't want that picture of my baby. However I am hoping the baby is intact bc I would like to say goodbye that way.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Tiffany, my baby was perfect when he came out, just very small (fit in the palm of my hand). He was 14 weeks and 1 day. Of course, I wasn't induced. I don't know how that makes things different. I hope your baby is the same and you can say goodbye.

I don't know about laws in your state, but just warning you, with my baby, once it was in the hospital, the hospital would not let me have the remains back. I had to arrange to have a funeral home pick up from the pathology lab, and they arranged for cremation (my choice). I don't know if you even want the remains, but if you do, just be aware that you may have to jump through some hoops. The funeral home, btw, did everything at no charge.

I will be thinking of you and hope that you have peace and a sense of closure.

Oh, and to answer your question, there was nothing apparent wrong with the baby. The lab showed hemorrhage on the maternal side (explains the spotting). Other than that, I have no answers as to why things happened the way they did. I have my follow-up with the m/w next Tuesday and am going to ask for an appointment with the perinatologist. Maybe he can give me some answers.

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

Yes, it is Joee Smile

She was intact... very small, but intact. they warned me of the same thing too. She also fit in the palm of my hand.

For my experience, they just let me take her home. Because she was considered a miscarriage, not a stillborn I guess is why my hospital did not fuss. They even gave me a little box and a (tiny tiny) hand knitted blanket for her to rest in. We took her home and laid her to rest.
I was given the option of turning the remains over for testing. I did not choose to, because it just really did not matter to me why... but that might be another option for you if you are needing those answers.

I really pray that you are able to go through this on your terms, and are not forced to make even harder decisions. Nothing about this is easy, ever. Just know you are BOTH in my thoughts.

:bigarmhug:

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Big hugs.

MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3212

I wanted to check in and also offer my condolences to you (and all here that have experienced a loss.) Unfortunately, I've gone through several (varying stages) and each has its own unique +/-'s.... mostly minuses as it is so very far from the outcome we hope and dream for.

((((((HUGS))))) Please check in when you are able and know we are all here to help support you.

~Missy