Someone sent a gift for the baby???--UPDATED
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Thread: Someone sent a gift for the baby???--UPDATED

  1. #1
    Joshiesmom
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    Default Someone sent a gift for the baby???--UPDATED

    (child ment)



    This week we got a box from my MIL filled with various presents to put under our tree from her. She has recently started dating a very nice man whom I have never met. One of the boxes is a small gold box that says "To: Joshua and the baby to come" from: (his name).

    My DH was handing me the boxes from the big box to put under the tree and I was commenting, "oh, this one's for Josh and this one's for me..." etc etc. I got to the one that said it was to my son and the "baby to come" and just got pale and felt like I wanted to cry and throw up at the same time. I totally don't understand. I know that she must have shared with him we lost the baby and I know she saw what he put in the box to send to us. My DH seemed to know the box was coming and didn't seem the least bit bothered or uneasy about it. I just said "why would he write this? why would he send this? why would somebody do that?"

    We don't have a "baby to come". What could possibly come from a total stranger to our "baby to come"? Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive but I just cannot make any sense out of this and it pains my heart to read that label or see that box.

    Elicia
    Last edited by Joshiesmom; 12-20-2007 at 10:23 PM.

  2. #2
    rh1430
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    I am so sorry. I am not sure who would do something like that. I don't know maybe it is an ornament for both children or a rattle for the little one or something to remember your baby by. It might not be sent to hurt you but to let you know that he acknowledges your baby. I don't know just trying to help you make sense of it. You might want DH to open it and tell you what is it and then rewrap it just for Joshua.

    Sorry again. People can be so hurtful sometimes.

    Robin

  3. #3
    Joshiesmom
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    Quote Originally Posted by rh1430 View Post
    I am so sorry. I am not sure who would do something like that. I don't know maybe it is an ornament for both children or a rattle for the little one or something to remember your baby by. It might not be sent to hurt you but to let you know that he acknowledges your baby. I don't know just trying to help you make sense of it. You might want DH to open it and tell you what is it and then rewrap it just for Joshua.

    Sorry again. People can be so hurtful sometimes.

    Robin
    (preg mentioned, loss ment)



    Thanks, Robin. I am really trying to see it that way. Why wouldn't he have written to "the baby" and not "the baby to come". He knows the baby is not coming. I love the idea of our baby have a remembrance item of some kind. But the "baby to come" part I can only read 2 ways: 1--completely forgetting that we lost the baby or 2--trying to say that someday we will have another baby. #1 is obvious why someone would be upset/hurt so won't even talk about it. #2-I don't want to forget our baby and I am darn well aware that at some point we may TTC again and hopefully would not experience the devastation we have had with this pregnancy. Maybe after the box is opened I'll post an update and let you all know what was inside. Maybe it will all make perfect sense..........

  4. #4
    Skygirl
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    maybe he wrote the tag a while ago and forgot it was like that? I agree though, he was likely trying to acknowledge the baby.

    Don't wait for Christmas to see what it is. I think you'll feel better if you aren't wondering about it for a week. Then you can put it (the gift) behind you instead of dealing with it on an already emotionally hard day.





  5. #5
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    I agree with the pp's....I also think you should open the gift now....May make what your mil's boyfriend was trying to do/say, more clear...

    You mentioned that he is a *nice man*...I would hold onto that thought if you decide to wait...

    Or, if you open it, try and discern what he was trying to do/say...based on the way that you see him, even though you have not met him...being kind.

    Marie

  6. #6
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    Elicia

    I want to believe that he wrapped and wrote out that card awhile ago and doesn't realize that that is what it still says. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. Do you feel comfortable asking your MIL?

    Will they be there when you open the gifts? If so perhaps just take the tag off (as if it fell off) and then when it comes time to open it ask who the gift is for? I am so sorry that this has hurt you. I truly hope that he did it inadvertently and not trying to say that it is a gift for a future baby when/if your are ready ttc.

    Antionette

  7. #7
    Posting Addict Uropachild's Avatar
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    Ack! I can understand why that would be seen as insensitive, but i am also hoping that he was just trying to say "I have not forgotton your little one who passed"

    Hopefully it will become clearer when you open it.

    Sarah
    Mum to...
    Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
    Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
    Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

  8. #8
    Posting Addict shellyhudson's Avatar
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    I agree with the posters who said that you should ask your MIL, or to have DH (if he is up to it) unwrap it and see what is in it. I am so sorry that something so inconsiderate was done. I have to hope for the humanity of it all and pray that it was an honest mistake.

    shelly

  9. #9
    Joshiesmom
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    UPDATE:

    I had decided to just move the box to the back of the tree and do nothing. A couple of days ago I was laying on the floor next to the tree and commented to DH that having that box under there really made me blue.

    Today out of nowhere I got a call from MIL with profuse apologies for the box---apparently DH told her it had upset me. She explained that her boyfriend wanted to send silver dollars to all of the grandchildren and that he knew that we had a loss and would keep trying for another child. She acknowledged that it was very insensitive to send a gift to a child that we are not even TTC'ing at this point. It was not sent as a commemorative gift to our lost baby. I forgave her/him and that was the end of it.
    Last edited by Michelle; 12-23-2007 at 06:43 AM.

  10. #10
    missy8632
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    I'm sorry. Men mean well but do not think like women. I think he was staying positive that you will have more babies, if you choose. Maybe he thought I would be encouraging.
    I do not think he meant anything by it or to hurt you.

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