Tuesday I m/c at 12wks. I was in the hospital for a day do to hemorrhaging. It was a bloody nightmare. I was put in the O.B., an incubator and crib were in my room. I've been home for two days and I can't seem to move. I haven't even taken a shower. I still have dried blood behind my knees and between my toes. My DH is tore up about the baby but doesn't have time to grieve because he's taking care of me. I sent my mother out to get cigarettes. A habit I gave some time ago. I'm now smoking 2 pks a day.
This was my first pregnancy. I was told I was infertile, and thought at the age of 33 and DH at 41, we was given a miracle. I have two beautiful step-children and 5 month old granddaughter. I use to think that was enough, and was very happy.
After TTC for 5 months, we finally got PG only to MC at 8 weeks. For me, it felt like God was playing a practical joke on me. I was angry at him for a long time. Until I had a talk with him one night and I felt him touch me. That helped me.
One other thing about my MC that my doctor told me is that it proved that I'm able to get pregnant. He said that even though I didn't agree with him, it was a GOOD thing that I got pregnant, but that means that it's possible. Many people aren't able to get that far.
Unfortunately, everyone must grieve in their own way. There's no easy answer as to how to stop hurting. Everyone deals with pain in their own way. However, we are all here for you, to help you talk out your anger. It does help to get out what you're feeling. Especially to people who have been there and knows what you're going through.
Last edited by LauraT; 03-21-2008 at 04:16 PM.
Reason: to remove signature
I am so sorry for your loss. You will always grieve the loss of your little one but time just makes that raw ache get better. Getting up and into the shower may help you feel a bit better but unfortunately you are still so new to your loss.
I read every book I could on infant loss. I went to support groups (contact the hospital or local funeral home to find out about ones in your area) and I lived on boards like this one.
It has been over 7 months since I delivered my little girl. I miss her like crazy and these holiday weekends make it worse. But I can get up everyday and and get showered and dressed and get back to "normal". Your DH will grieve differently then you. Right now you need him to be strong so that is the role he is taking on. There may come a day when your roles reverse and you will be the strong one or your DH may just take the "boys don't cry" and sweep it under the rug.
I hope you are eventually able to give up smoking again but it is going to be difficult. For me it is a battle of weight. I just can't seem to lose it and then I get frustrated and feed my emotions with more junk. Some of us tend to go for whatever brings us comfort - even if it is not healthy.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl a week ago today and I am still a mess. I am feeling better than I was but at times it is very hard. I also gave up smoking over a year ago and I have found myself sneaking one here and there. I wish I could say the pain will go away but so far for me it is still here. This is my first loss so I really am not much help at all, the other girls on here are great. I am so so sorry, if you want to chat feel free to PM me. Tori
There is no timetable as each person will grieve and heal differently.
I am so sorry that the two of you went through such a devastating loss. Please let your DH know that he is in my thougts and prayers as well.
Please just allow yourself to experience any and all emotions that come your way. There will come a time where you actually make it through a day without crying. That is okay and try not to feel guilty about it.
Eventually you will reach a place where you have adapted. There will be a new "normal". I wish you both peace.
I am sorry that you have been going through so much emotional and physical pain. I think that it would help if you took a warm shower, even if you cry the whole time. I think that it feels good to cry in the shower. Everyone grieves in different ways for different lengths of time. Your DH is probably just as sad as you are, but doesn't want to show it because he wants to be strong for you. Eventually as time passes the raw pain will fade to a dull ache. Know that you can always come here for support. Have you considered doing something in honor of your baby, such as planting a tree or something? Many women on this board have said that making a memorial for their babies helps them through the grieving process. I think that it would be nice to have a place to go and sit quietly and think about your baby.
Last edited by StephanieJune; 03-22-2008 at 01:43 AM.
PG MENT and CHILD MENT...but there is a point to it
Hello sweetie. First of all let me say how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I just wanted to share my story in the hope that it might help you just a little bit. I had been TTC for 8 years when I got pregnant, on my honeymoon no less. We were absolutely thrilled, this was a miracle as we had been taking fertility drugs in the past with no luck. So it was devastating when we found out at 8 weeks I´d had a hidden miscarriage. The baby was still there but no heartbeat.
I was given tablets to take at home, which caused agony for 3 days but didn´t work. Then I was taken to hospital for a D and C. Me and my husband were living in Ireland (his home country, I´m from Iceland) at the time, so going to a hospital for surgery in another country without any of my family except him was horrible. When I woke up from surgery I was put in a room with another girl, another 7 months pregnant girl ! That was on a monitor, so all I could hear was her babies heartbeat. I was then sent home, still in pain, which just increased so that two days later I went to the ER, turned out I had developed an infection and had to have another emergency D and C. This time I got a bed in the pre-natal ward. 8 women, all pregnant, were in the room with me. At this point I just became numb. Later I got furious. I´m just mentioning this because I can so relate to how hard it must have been to see that incubator.
But to the point of my story. I was just a ball of anger and bitterness after this. I just thought it cruel enough for god to take away my miracle baby, but why make me go through all the physical and emotional trauma AFTER he´d taken it away. Losing the baby was enough, what followed just felt like torture. I felt like fate was just kicking me while I was down.
Well this made mine and my husbands mind up. We decided to move to my home country Iceland. We had been thinking about it, but he was dragging his feet a bit. But like I said to him, there is no way on earth I am staying here where the health care system puts a woman that has just had a miscarriage in a room full of pregnant women ! So a a little less than a year later we moved to Iceland. Within a month of the move, I was pregnant again. Completely by surprise again as my body had almost shut down after the miscarriage and I was missing months of my period.
I believe, truly in my heart I believe in fate. That there is a reason and meaning behind the things we are put through. If I hadn´t lost the baby and if I hadn´t lost it in the way that I did, with all the pain and suffering I had to go through, I don´t think my husband would have made this decision with me to move. He understood I had to go home, that I needed my family. I´m not sure he would have had this not happened. And me getting pregnant within a month of us having made the move almost seemed like it was meant to be. My babies were meant to be born in my home country (yes babies, naturally conceived twins).
I know this is a horrible , horrible time. I know it feels like the pain will never go away. But it will ease, and hopefully you will find a meaning in what happened, a higher purpose to why you had to go through this. And I hope and pray that you will have another miracle soon.
I´m sending you warm thoughts and strength and my deepest sympathies.