support and guidance

11 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
support and guidance

Ladies I need you. This morning has been hard. My anxiety is through the roof so much so that I have been throwing up. I feel so alone in this life. My husband is great but he is all I have. No one seems to understand what I am going through physically and emotionally.
Did any of you develop severe depression and/or anxiety after your loss?

If you believe in prayer can you please pray for me that the anxiety will lift and that my life will be happy again.

I am sorry I am so needed on the board but like I said before nobody else understands the internal pain one feels when they lose their baby. I feel like I have no control over my life.

Thanks for listening.
Robin

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Honey, you dont have to apologise for needing us. It's what we're all here for! Lord knows i have come here in my darkest times and you have all lifted my depression more than you know.

:bighug:

I was lucky enough last time to get away with not suffering any kind of depression, and although i feel a lot more depressed this time around i wouldnt say it was enough to seek medical help iykwim? I will be going for counselling, but hopefully i wont need medication of any kind.

I wish i had some words of wisdom to offer, but i dont. I know how that anxious ball of sadness and despair feels in your chest and when i have it i just bear with it until it lifts.

Perhaps you could get in touch with a local grief and loss support group? I know that it's wonderful to have us here online, but if someone was there in real life who has been through this too and can offer real life hugs you might benefit from that.

I hope that you find your way out of this soon honey, but in the meantime i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as always.

:comfort:

newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

Hi there,

We talked before and I explained I had the anxiety with my first loss. It still comes back on me from time to time but it didn't stick around as long as it is for you. I think Sarah was right, someone face to face to talk to could be the best thing if at all possible for you.

Maybe something I did will help you and that is ask myself exactly what is causing my anxiety. Initially I had a strong anxiety outside my house. I would think everyone was looking at me and knew I had miscarried. I didn't want to go anywhere. All these feelings were new to me after the m/c. So maybe asking yourself some questions as to its cause might be helpful in understanding it?

I am very sorry you are having a hard time these days. We all need to grieve in our own way and I am not sure we really have any control over when it will get easier....but I wish I could take it all away for you. I hope you are hanging in there and I am glad you came to chat.

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Robin

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. I think it is normal, if that helps. I have found reading anything I can get my hands on about infant loss to be helpful. There are also some support groups in my area for infant loss. Check with your local hospital or funeral home and see if you can get in touch with a bereavement parents unit.

I have also started to exercise (walking) and I think that is helping although it is hard to start, once I'm doing it I feel better.

Feel free to send me a private message (click on my name and view my profile) and vent whenever you need to. Have you gone back to work? I am a teacher too and just went back on Monday.

I assume this year of firsts is going to be very difficult for us. I just lost Lily on August 10th. Rebecca Allison has only been gone for just over three months and I think we have a long way to go before feeling a bit more resolution with our grief. Lily died when I was 7 months pg from fifth disease (which I most likely picked up at school). I'd love to hear more about your daughter, if you'd like to talk about her. I love writing Lily's name and find it therapeutic to talk about her. If you feel the same I am here to listen. We can also arrange a chat if that is easier for you.

I did a quick google search for infant loss support groups in delaware and found this link:
http://www.udel.edu/DSP/SGCF/supportgroups.html#children
There wer other links but I thought this could be a starting point for you.

If you are afraid of taking AD then seek a natural remedy. Perhaps even a massage or Reiki. Does you school board offer employee assistance for counselling? My board does (although it is only 2 sessions - it might be worth a try).

We are all here for you. It is Thanksgiving here this weekend so I am not going to be able to access internet very easily. I am traveling up North and my DH's aunt does not have high speed internet (she is in a very rural area). I will try to check though.

I am also going to visit Lily this weekend. She is buried up north in a beautiful country cemetary. It is about an hour and a half drive so I don't get out very often. I love the location as it is so serene and she is buried wiht DH's dad and nanny. Just wish it was closer.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

I think you have gotten some wonderful advice for you here. I just want to offer my prayers for you and hugs.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Thank you so much for allowing me to feel normal. As for what is causing me to be anxious I think it is the realization that I have no real control over my life. Nothing is guaranteed. I should have already realized that with losing both of my parents early in life, but I guess losing my daughter just confirmed it even more. That is scary, we really don't have control over our lives. Things happen to us and we must adjust and deal.

I am in therapy. I see a grief counselor once a week. It helps to talk about Rebecca. I know in time I will be alright. I am just glad I have you ladies for the real tough times in between.

Thanks again.

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

After a loss, you experience a new normal. Who you are is shaped by your experiences. I had a lot of anxiety, and depression after my loss. Time has helped. Even though DH went through the same experience, he experienced it differently. I'm glad you have a counselor to talk to. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Hope you are feeling more yourself soon.

Janel

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I think it is the realization that I have no real control over my life.

This is something i struggle with a LOT. This realisation hit us hard after loosing Zane because it was the first person we knew who had died unexpectedly. I'd only mourned grandparents and other old people before that, which is kind of expected iykwim?

So when we were pregnant with Ada we kind of expected something to go wrong and now we've been proved right. I was talking to someone earlier and i said just because something shit happens to you, you dont get a "get out of jail free" card that means nothing else shit will happen.

I am now acutely aware that DH could die at any moment or my parents, even my guinea pig! It's hard not to let it take over sometimes.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I would call your OB or PCP. It is possible to get PPD after a loss.
L/c Ment.

I had Alex in November if last year. I have suffered from PPD and anxiety since he was born. There is help available to help take the edge off.

Hannah502's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 66

I am so sorry for what you are feeling. But, what you are feeling is normal and all of us ladies come to the board to get help and support from each other. You are in the right place for that.

I did get to a point of depression with one of my losses. I beleive I got through it with prayer and more prayer. Not really my own prayers, because there were times that I couldn't pray, I had no words nor did I feel in the right place to pray. But, I had many people praying for me. And, the support from the ladies on this board helped make a difference too. I think seeing a counselor is a good thing as well. You need to talk about things when you can.

I do believe in prayer and will pray for you!

Bonnie

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Oh honey, we are all here for you. We know the pain that you suffer. I will send my prayers to heaven to lift the grief and ease the anxiety. Come here and let it all out whenever you need to. That is exactly what this board is for. Shelly