1. "You're lucky that the loss was early in the pregnancy." (Am I?)
2. "Mother Nature is very wise" (This is meant to be comforting?)
Hmmm, and now for thoughtless comments from people who DON"T know that I ever m/c'd (a little background: I have raised a 19 year old stepdaughter, Mirei -- who is very much "mine"-- and a 7 year old, Emma, who was the result of my first and only full term pregnancy. I've had 4 m/c's since 2002). Comments from people who tend to see me when I'm only out and about with Emma:
1. "Aren't you going to try for another?" (I feel like a veteran at "trying")
2. "Just the one?"
3. "You should try for another -- isn't she lonely?" [she actually isn't -- thank heaven].
Grrrr-- these comments. In response, I used to throw at them that we DID try (repeatedly) to give Emma a playmate. Now I just respond with "I was unable to have any more children" which tends to shut them up right away, without embarrassment to either of us.
They just don't have a clue, these people. For if they did, they wouldn't say any of this rubbish.
Thanks for starting this thread and letting me vent a little. I feel better!
It just wasn't meant to be." Over and over thanks to my mother in law
"At least this one was early in the pregnancy." Referring to me losing Lance at 39 weeks during labor versus the latest pregnancy at 8 weeks
The ultimate, I should win an award for not ripping her head off remark!!!
"Did you name her?" Me "He was a boy." "Well, I guess I shouldn't say her. Did you name it?" When I was showing a picture of Lance to people at work. I'm clearly showing you a picture of my baby who was here on Earth at least physically, so how can you say something that heartless. I didn't know whether to cry or punch!
Thanks Missy for starting this one. I'm sure we can all benefit from it.
Last edited by nurseapril; 04-03-2008 at 11:04 AM.
People say some really dumb things about m/c. My friends were pretty cool about it because they didn't try to find the quick fix answers, but it's only natural to want to say something comforting and the reality is that... there's nothing to say.
I think one of the things that makes people the stupidest is that m/cing is horrible but just as horrible is the idea that you will never carry a baby to full term, so they try to reassure us that it is possible. That's when you start getting the "well you can always have another one" responses.
It sucks, big time, but it's nice of people to try to help. My mother was the only one who really knew what to say to me, by reminding me that early m/cs are usually because there's something wrong with the baby, which did help me stop blaming myself.