I went to see my mum this afternoon as she has had a chest infection all week. On the way there I stopped to get her a boquet of flowers to cheer her up. When I pulled up I noticed my sister was there (she is pg, which she announced 2 weeks after my d & c) I had not seen her since my d & c as she did not bother to come visit etc, and I could not face her knowing she was pg and so inconsiderate of my feelings, especially with it being so close to my loss. So anyway I debated just driving home and not going in to spare my feelings, but then decided against this I felt so selfish knowing my mum was ill. I felt sick and shaky going in knowing i would have to face my sister etc. But I took a few deep breathes, put on a happy face and told myself to deal with it. Boy, do I wish I had gone with my gut instinct and drove away!!!
When I got in I noticed my Mum was in tears and I asked what was wrong. Straight off my sister jumped down my throat saying she was upset I had not been to see her (I live 15 miles away, and my 5 year old son has been ill with concussion for a bad bang on the head all this week. She only had a chest infection so figured I would wait till the weekend - I did not complain that no-one had been to visit my poorly 5 year old!!!!) Well I just stood there in complete shock, and then before I knew it I had said 'no-one came to visit me and I had been in hospital to have my baby surgically removed from me, and at least I am here now with flowers!!!!' (also my sister lives 2 streets away from my mum, does not work, and had not been to see her either!!) My sister just started screaming at me telling me to get over my m/c, it was only a ball of cells (I was 9 weeks!!!) She said no-one cares about m/c and it means nothing to anyone. She said I was pathetic for being upset. Wonder if she would feel the same if this happens to her when she goes in for her scan next week! I did not want to upset mum anymore so I just stood up and said I was leaving. She then said to my mum 'dont worry you have got me here you dont need that selfish cow' I practically fell out of the door in shock, and was in floods of tears for hours. I will honestly never forgive any of them for this. My children always come above any of the rest of my family, and this baby was my child, and to sit there and hear my sister discount it dying as nothing, was more than I could take. I pick standing up for my baby, whether it is here in my arms or not, above the rest of my family any day. I will always fight for my children, and I always do, just never thought I would have to fight for my little angel too.
Sorry this was so long, thanks for listening
After my sister left my mum's I went back and spoke to my mum and dad about how I felt. They just did not get it at all. They kept saying 'what are you so upset about? you have to move on' I was a tearful mess!! They refused to understand that it was a big deal. I left feeling even worse. I had not made my point at all. My mum did give me a brief hug when I left, but only cause I was so upset, not cause she recognised why. I told them I could not be around my sister for the next few months, they called me silly and unreasonable. My sister and I dont have a good relationship anyway she is incredibly selfish and can be very nasty with what she says. I woke up this morning feeling so dreadful. I dont even feel like taking mothers day gifts to my mum and in-laws but I know I have too. My H booked dinner for us, but its at the restaurant he took me to celebrate my pg!!!! I really dont want to go back there on mothers day when I should still be pg! He is so mad with me cause he wont understand. All his family will be there and it will be the first time I have seen them since d & c, I know they will start bringing my m/c up, and ill get another whole ton of comments such as 'at least you have 2 children', 'oh well, perhaps its not meant to be etc' and ill just have to grin and bear it. I am so not in the right frame of mind for all of this. I just feel broken-hearted and like I have a ten ton weight on me pulling me down. Happy mothers day to me!! Sorry for such a pity party, I know there are a million people worse off than me, and sometimes I feel so guilty for moaning. I am also ovulating for first time since d & c and H and I has decided not to try yet since our rented house is not renewing and we have to be out in 2 months, and as of yet we have no-where else lined up to live (another stress I could do without) but it still makes me sad to know I am o'ing and cant ttc. At the moment, I just cant see any light at the end of my tunnel.
Thanks for all your kind words of support and comfort. I rely on your girls so much right now, cause its my only form of understanding.