Is there anything you would do differently? (Preg ment)
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  1. #1
    mdfunk
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    Default Is there anything you would do differently? (Preg ment)

    Is there anything you would do differently or wish you had known prior to or just after the loss of your child?

    We are at a cross roads where in 3 weeks the doctors will tell us that our baby (currently 23 weeks) is declining and will pass away in utero or is trying to make a come back. Either way we are preparing ourselves for either a loss or a very premature baby (currently 12 oz)and would really like to learn from anyone who has been there what they wish they knew or wished they had asked.

    I support the doctors but feel it is my duties to go in with questions and to make sure if they urge induction that I insist the right specialists are on hand, etc.

    Where do I begin? What has your experience left you with that you could pass along?

    Sincere thanks!

    Either way is it not looking good for us.

    Melissa
    Last edited by missy8632; 07-09-2009 at 08:36 PM. Reason: title

  2. #2
    rh1430
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    Sometimes, they will deliver and try to save an baby if it has made it to 24 weeks.

    I wish I would have listened to my body more, I had strange feelings and the week before I lost my daughter I was desperate to have an ultrasound. I did not listen to the internal voice and I feel like if I would have insisted upon an ultrasound, maybe the outcome would have been different.

    I also wish I would have held my daughter longer and had a good camera with us. The photos are taken with a disposable camera and polariods. I only held her for 10 minutes because I had to be taken to OR to remove the stuck placenta. I wish I would had held her the next day before leaving the hospital. Everything just happened so fast for me.

    I hope the news is good, but please know we are here for you.
    Hugs,
    Robin
    Last edited by missy8632; 07-09-2009 at 08:01 AM. Reason: Remove Siggy

  3. #3
    Posting Addict HarleyGurl's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you are going thru this. I don't have any advice to offer just support.

    Last edited by missy8632; 07-09-2009 at 08:01 AM. Reason: Remove Siggy

  4. #4
    Site Moderator girlisrad's Avatar
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    Again, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

    This is a brief description of my story, although different, may help a little. (MC and Death ment)

    I feel like I did all I could. We were very very surprised to learn at 15 weeks our baby had already passed. She had stopped growing around 11 weeks.

    I made the decision to give birth, hold her, love her, and take her home with us to be buried. For me, it was the best thing as I was able to treat her exactly as she was, my baby. We took pictures, talked to her, talked about her, blessed her. I keep her things close so i can see them when I need to. She is now and always will be my baby, and that cannot change because she is not with us here on earth. She will always be with us.

    I am sorry if that was hard to read, but I feel very good about how we handled our loss. And I hope that helps in some way.

    I am so so sorry, and again will be praying for a miracle!!!

  5. #5
    Mega Poster min150mph's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you are at this horrible point. I don't really have any advice as I lost my baby at 9 weeks and wasn't able to have a natural m/c. You and your baby will be in my prayers.

    warning children mentioned.




    I know there is a parents of preemie board on here that might help you if you have a preemie with several born early in the pg. There is also a TTC after a loss board where I know there are at least one wonderful mom who lost her little girl after she had to deliver due to IUGR which it sounds may be what you're facing.

  6. #6
    Posting Addict kerina313's Avatar
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    Tips:

    Find doctors that will work with you - including a hospital. My first OB was a pain (I'd say something else but the filters will take it out). I looked until I found someone who had been through this before and would work with me no matter what. That included the hospital.

    Create a birth plan. Do it now and make sure both you and your SO/DH agree to all points. That way you come across as a team. Make sure that he is both of your advacates - as mom's dealing with birth - don't always get listened to.

    Take pictures (if you want). This includes u/s. I tried to "distance" myself initially in my pregnancy thinking it would help. It won't. Enjoy every little thing that comes your way.

    Journal. Sometimes the best thing to do is get your feelings (what ever they are) out. Journaling is a good theraputic way without having to deal with others.

    If you are expecting the worse to happen- be prepared early. Check out things - find out costs - see who will work with you. I personally let my DH do all of that - since it was his way of contributing to Sarah since I carried her.

    I saw your post on the other board.. I posted there as well. Let me know if you need more information - I'm more than happy to share what I've learned.

  7. #7
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    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. The wait and the not knowing must be so difficult for you. I gave birth to our daughter at 20 wks. We choose to have her a few days after her being diagnosis with a fatal birth defect. We researched our options and talked to doctors, our friends and families before making the decision. I would suggest you also do as much research as you can and seek out doctors who specialize in losses or very premature births to find out all you can about your situation.

    My other advice would be like others here have said - hold your baby, take pictures, videos, get foot & hand prints. This is your baby and no matter the outcome, you all deserve to have those moments together. We were fortunate to get to spend a few hours with our DD before she passed. We laughed, we cried, we had moments of still and quiet...I can remember all of it as if it were yesterday and I love having our photos & videos to look back at.

    We also got a locket that contains some of our DD's ashes. I haven't worn it and probably never will be able to, but I can take it out and hold it whenever I'm missing my baby.

    I'll be thinking of you and thinking positive thoughts for you and your little one.
    Last edited by hdme; 06-28-2011 at 03:11 PM.

  8. #8
    mdfunk
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    Quote Originally Posted by kerina313 View Post
    Tips:

    Find doctors that will work with you - including a hospital. My first OB was a pain (I'd say something else but the filters will take it out). I looked until I found someone who had been through this before and would work with me no matter what. That included the hospital.

    Create a birth plan. Do it now and make sure both you and your SO/DH agree to all points. That way you come across as a team. Make sure that he is both of your advacates - as mom's dealing with birth - don't always get listened to.

    Take pictures (if you want). This includes u/s. I tried to "distance" myself initially in my pregnancy thinking it would help. It won't. Enjoy every little thing that comes your way.

    Journal. Sometimes the best thing to do is get your feelings (what ever they are) out. Journaling is a good theraputic way without having to deal with others.

    If you are expecting the worse to happen- be prepared early. Check out things - find out costs - see who will work with you. I personally let my DH do all of that - since it was his way of contributing to Sarah since I carried her.

    I saw your post on the other board.. I posted there as well. Let me know if you need more information - I'm more than happy to share what I've learned.
    great tips. I've taken them down.

  9. #9
    Super Poster Rose15206's Avatar
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    Please visit this website. The little girl Kayleigh was born and only weigh 1lb1oz. The blog is about her life from finding ouy about delivering early to delivering to (Death Mention) her passing. Very emotional journey that many followed. If you talk to the family, they should also be able to offer you some support.

    http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/

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