I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm still not over mine that happened in '07 as there are still days that I think about him. I do say it does get better with time, but there are always things that triggers a reminder for me.
Lots of hugs to you as I can imagine it is even harder on you since you feel like you had a choice, which from what you said it doesn't sound like you really did odds wise.
As for burial - I had to have a D&C and the hospital is of chatolic affiliation so they provided burial with other babies at a cemetary in the town where the hospital is located.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Three months is not a long time at all. It has been nearly two years since my loss (full term s/b) and I have my moments where I break down and just want to hide under my covers.
A loss of a pregnancy, no matter what length of time you were pregnant, is a devastation. There are so many hopes and dreams that are lost along with the mind numbing feeling that you have failed your child in the most primitive of ways. I still have days where I wonder what is wrong with me? How could I fail my son so horribly? I mean, as a woman, I am built first of all to procreate and I have failed at this most basic of human actions.
Time is the only thing that will help. Eventually you will have more decent days then bad days. At some point you will even be able to smile and actually mean it. However, when you first realize that you have done so, please don't be surprised if the grief comes crashing back down on you.
In my personal experience, grief comes in waves, ebbing and flowing in its own time in its own way. Eventually you will adapt to a new "normal". However, you will never be the woman that you were before your loss as your world will never be the same.
please come to this board and vent, cry, whatever you may need. The support here is phenomenal.
I have stayed away from this board as it breaks my heart to hear of new losses as I am now in my third trimester. I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. It can happen. Hugs to you my dear.
Thats actually exactly what it feels like, a failure, like my body betrayed me. I've always been incredibly healthy (I run marathons), how could my body fail in something so natural, something it was designed to do? I know the medicine of it, there is really no way that I couldn't. But my healthy, young, problem-free body couldn't do this and betrayed me, as weird as that sounds (or maybe not, to anyone who has gone through it).
There isn't a day or an hour yet that goes by that I don't think of my baby. I can go through my day and even smile and laugh at jokes and be in a reasonably good mood, but she's always there. And I share a couple of classes with the father, which in a way makes it worse. As much as I would dearly love to throw a yelling, screaming fit at him and tell him that the baby was his too, that he should be hurt, be grieving, I know that would do little good. Might be vaugely amusing though. So I come here to share my grief, which is amazing. The women here are all astounding women, who have gone through the hurt and picked themselves up and are moving forwards as best as they can figure out while supporting others. That forces me to go forwards as well.
This is exactly how I feel. I KNOW it's not my fault that I lost my baby. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs and I cut cafine three weeks before trying. I eat healthy and I'm in shape. And yet, I was unable to stay pregnant. it's not my fault. it's my body's fault. My husband says I feel guilty and that I shouldn't but I don't feel guilty at all. I feel angry. I feel betrayed. My body seems incapable of doing that which it was created to do. I'm not incapable at all. I'd be a good mom. My hubby would be a great Dad. Sometimes I feel like he's being punished too by my body. I mean, he can't have kids either and it's even less his fault. I guess that's where he gets the guilt from but like I said, I don't feel guilty at all. Just very, very angry. For both of us.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through It's been nearly 2 months for me and I'm still very angry. All I do is think about where I should be right now and I just want to break down and cry. Know that you're not alone...we're all here for you hun. Take as long as you need to to grieve for your baby.
After my first loss in '07 I went into basic hermitage for a few weeks. I didn't talk to anyone, including my Dh for roughly a month. When my next period came I felt a little less down, because I was that much closer to trying again. We named the baby, and planned on getting a memorial tattoo. A week before our tattoo appointment, I got an unexpected BFP. That baby was born a year ago yesterday. As much as I love my son, I do still think about that baby. We have had 2 more losses, one in Dec '08 and one this past april. I ended up with a salpingectomy after the loss in april, and although we've been cleared to TTC, I still feel anger and pain for my loss. In July it'll be 2 years since my first loss, and it still hurts just as bad as it did then.
I have felt like a failure more than once, especially with the 2 more recent losses. It's one of those things though... I just don't think the pain ever really goes away.