That time of year again

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becky42's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 11
That time of year again


Well it's that time of year again, this week is full of so many bad memories, today is the day that my world was torn apart after finding out my dear sweet boy Charlie had spina bifida 5 years ago, after making the heart wrenching decision terminate my sweet boy was born silent on 12th October, I will always remember that beautiful little face. I miss him so much and there's not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I have no regrets about what I did the only regret I have is that I never held him, I would give anything in this world to go back to that moment and hold my precious son. It feels so hard that I have two beautiful children who will never get to meet him, my soon to be 7 year old ds knows a little about him and has even spoke about him at school as his brother who has the hole in his back, I was a little taken aback when a teacher approached me on the subject and said that he was really upset, but I just don't know how to even talk to him about it as it's still so hard for me.

3 years ago on the 9th October my lovely nana died after a long battle, I hardly even shed a tear when she died as I knew she was going to take care of him just as she did me for all those years, I have so many wonderful memories of when I lived with my nana and grandad and I just know he'll be safe with them until my time comes.

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

Im sorry that this month has so many bad memories for you. I know that certain times are easier for me then others. I hope things get better. :bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Im so sorry that this month holds such hard times for you. That is such a nice way to remember your nana and baby boy together! I have no doubt that your nana is taking great care of your little angel. Big huge hugs!

Joined: 10/09/04
Posts: 74

:bighug: I'm sorry you are having a hard time with the upcoming anniversary. We are here to help you remember Charlie and keep his memory alive.

You say you have difficulty talking to your 7yr old about Charlie. Have you looked at books written for children that deal with the subject? I lost a brother when I was 3 (he was nearly 2) and I know that at different times through my childhood when my understanding of what had happened broadened, I almost went through a separate grief process each time. This may be why your DS seemed so upset to the teacher. Perhaps he has reached an age where he understands what happened a little better than at the time it actually happened. I know our local library has several books on grief for children and a quick search on Amazon throws up a good number too. It might be a way to help him talk about it that is easier on you.

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

Becky-I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't even know the horrors that anniversaries bring as my loss was so recent but please know that your nana is with your son Charlie, they are both watching over you now.


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am sorry for your loss. Know anniversaries can be very hard and bittersweet all at the same time.

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

I am a lurker here but just wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers to you during this rough time.I lurk here alot to offer prayers for the ladies here when they suffer a loss or when they are having a bad time.I am glad however that you find comfort in your nana being with your little one.HUGS

becky42's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 11

Thanks ladies for all your kind words, I think I needed a little rant which has made me feel a whole lot better, I can't believe no one has even remembered well apart from ds little sweetie , he'll never understand just how much he's brought me through it all he even mentioned him today and said I don't need a brother because I've already got one, I was just welling upside but couldn't show it because we were out shopping at the time.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

what a sweet son you have. Smile I'm so sorry that this is such a hard time of year for you, but I am glad your nana is there to take good care of Charlie.