my baby boy would have been due.
I called in to work.
I am trying so hard to not think about it, but then I feel guilty because he deserves to be thought about today.
I hate that I had to make the choice. I hate that I'm still not pregnant yet. I hate that when I told DH I was calling into work today he didnt know what today is. I hate that I feel like I am hurting so much more than he ever did or ever will. Its like the day doesnt even phase him. I hate that no one around me knows what today is. I hate that I am still hurting so bad inside. I hate that I cant help but to lurk my BB and see everyone else get their babies, when I cant have mine.
this isnt fair...but I would rather live feeling tortured daily than to have my son suffer like he would have.
I miss him.
I am so scared that if I were to get pregnant again something would go horribly wrong. I couldnt go through this again.
I am in such a dark, dark place.