today is the day...(xp)

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woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61
today is the day...(xp)

my baby boy would have been due.

I called in to work.

I am trying so hard to not think about it, but then I feel guilty because he deserves to be thought about today.

I hate that I had to make the choice. I hate that I'm still not pregnant yet. I hate that when I told DH I was calling into work today he didnt know what today is. I hate that I feel like I am hurting so much more than he ever did or ever will. Its like the day doesnt even phase him. I hate that no one around me knows what today is. I hate that I am still hurting so bad inside. I hate that I cant help but to lurk my BB and see everyone else get their babies, when I cant have mine.

this isnt fair...but I would rather live feeling tortured daily than to have my son suffer like he would have.

I miss him.

I am so scared that if I were to get pregnant again something would go horribly wrong. I couldnt go through this again.

I am in such a dark, dark place.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieve how you need to, you're allowed.
We're here as you need us.
-Lisa

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Due dates are so difficult and often no one remembers but us. You are not alone. We all wish that you had your son with you. It is not fair.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Antionette

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

I too am sorry that your little man doesnt get to be here with you, but feel that the awful choice you were forced to make was the right one.

It's really sad to look at our BB and see all the new babies. It's so unfair!

I think of you and Matthew Jr often and wish i could be there IRL to give you a hug.

When you get pregnant again i will be completely over the moon for you, i really will! I hope that it happens soon chick. Smile

Sarah. x

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

**PG MENT**

:bighug: Starr-just wanted you to know I think about you often and wish so much that little Matthew was here with us now. Fingers crossed that you get your BFP soon. I understand the "feeling the loss more than DH does" issue, it was the same for us in October when our EDD passed for our baby, he seriously was like "oh, yeah, I hadn't really thought about it" :roll: I couldn't even look at the October board once their babies started coming, even now I don't like lurking there b/c it still hurts, even with me VERY pg and ready to have a baby any day Sad Anyway, wanted to send you a big ol cyber hug and let you know I was thinking of you.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

~Megan

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

Starr,

Thinking about you and DH and your little guy. :bigarmhug:

Janel

HopefulK's picture
Joined: 09/30/07
Posts: 16
Hi

Hi hunny, sadly these days are tough and will always be tough. Try to be gentle with yourself. Just get through each minute. Soon the day will be over and you can move onto the next day.

As for your dh, he is grieving in his own way, men just do it differently. I know it doesn't help you but maybe thinking about it is just too hard for him to.

Sending big big hugs.

x

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Starr,

I know the EDD's can be hard. I felt the same way you did. Only you know the true grief you are experiening today. It was difficult for me that no one else remembered.

I am glad that you shared your feelings with us. I wish you the best of luck.

I will be thinking of you.

Melissa

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry. My due date was Monday and on Tuesday I had a terrible break down. If you go to the vent board I am on there venting how angry I am. I understand how you are feeling. We should have our little ones right now.

(((HUGS)))) I am thinking of you.
Robin

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry. Please let it out to us. Every gut searing pain and back wracking sob. I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I wish that I could just wrap my arms around you and give you a hug. It is not fair and there is no reason that something like this should ever happen. I hope that you find the peace that should so rightfully be yours.

Shelly

Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 74

:bigarmhug:

abbyrocks2427's picture
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54

:bigarmhug:Im so sorry honey my heart aches with you...

abbyrocks2427's picture
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54

Today is one of those days for me where I woke up so sad I had no idea today was your due date till I saw this post and though wow! I know its not the same but I feel so sad ...I have all the christmas tree decorations out and my mom and dad are comming on the 23rd and I should be totally excited but Im so depressed today..I would have been about 51/2 to 6 months pregnant by now...when I first found out me and hubby had dplanned to buy an all white x-mas tree and decorated with the colors of the baby if it was a girl it was gonna be all pink decorations, rattles,booties,bibs and if it was a boy it was gonna be all blue..its funny but I always felt in my heart I was having a boy I have even dreamed of holding a beautiful baby boy dressed in all white and I feel thats my baby...always...so we have decided to decorate our tree which is green with diffrent color blues like royal blue,metalic blue, light blues and silver..I guess subconciensly I wanted a tribute to my baby eventhough it was blue.....Im sad:( I just wish we all had our babies Sad im so sorry star...I could only wish for you to have your miracle soon...I hate this this happenes to people like us we dont deserve this..And its weird that I miss my baby today on your due date its a sign for us to stick together...and eventhough I dont know you I want you to know im there with you in spirit and im grieving with you as well...

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs. I'm so sorry that you lost sweet Matthew. I'm sorry that others are not aware of his day. I'm sorry that you are not pregnant yet. Thinking of you today, and hoping that you are pregnant again soon.

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

Starr- you are an amazingly strong woman. I can't imagine being faced with the decision you had to make. You are so right about it not being fair- I hope you get a BFP soon. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am sorry for your loss and remember we are here for you (((hugs)))

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::comfort::comfort:

Hi Starr I am sorry I missed your original post but I wanted to send you some hugs and comfort as you greive your due date. There are no real words of comfort but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers often!

Lori

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:bighug:

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