today is just sucky (ttc ment, loss )

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newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93
today is just sucky (ttc ment, loss )

Well today is just sucky. I started charting to ttc again and it seemed to help me feel better as it was something I had control over. But lately my chart is acting up and it's not even clear that I O'd. You might be asking why does that bring me back to this board? It is because I feel kind of down today. Like nothing will ever go right for me. Just another thing not in my control these days. Some days I feel excited about the 2WW. Other times I realize I have spent almost the last year of my life just waiting for things.....first waiting for a beautiful baby only to find out my dream had ended, 2nd getting pregnant straight away and then seemingly I was waiting for something to go wrong (gut feeling) and it did....and now what am I waiting for...will it be happiness or end in sorrow again?

I am not really sure where these feelings are coming from today. Must be the wrong side of the bed. I guess this sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for news over the past months thing has taken it's toll on me who is already a constant worry wort anyway. At first ttc seemed great. I don't regret moving into that again. But now I realize if months go by and it doesn't happen for us it will also feel like we failed. I mean it is just the middle of my cycle and I am looking at my tummy wondering if there is a possibility again. What psychotic things our brain does to us.

Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

:bighug:

These kinds of mixed emotions are soooo normal when embarking on TTC again. Charting did help me feel like i'd regained some control though last time and it helped me with something to focus on.

Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 74

Unfortunately I completely understand where you are coming from. My chart has been a mess since our loss in Dec 06. It is so frustrating and feels like I will never end up with the end result, a baby in my arms.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. :bigarmhug:

Teresa

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

I think I can understand where you are coming from. I am just learning to chart, and I don't know if it would be messed up yet, but I do know that I can't even remember to take my temp and God only knows if I'm feeling for the right things (TMI sorry)!!! Then of course, one day I'm like 'oohhh one more month and we can TTC', then the next day I'm like 'will I ever want to TTC again?, I don't think so'. It is crazy what our minds can do to us sometimes. I hope it gets better for you soon.:bigarmhug:

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

sorry to hear that your chart is so wacky. and yes, our brains do psychotic things to us. no wonder my husband says he has such a hard time sometimes understanding me. half the time I don't understand myself. I hope things work out for you very soon and you end up with the healthy screaming baby that you deserve.

shelly

Joined: 03/08/06
Posts: 183

I'm sorry your body is not cooperating with you, mine isn't either. We are here to support, vent away, I know I have more than once. I know I have waited and waited the last year and a half away and I decided I'm not doing that anymore, its just too hard. Do something nice for yourself. I hope your BFP is just around the corner.
Best Wishes
Sarah