Well today is just sucky. I started charting to ttc again and it seemed to help me feel better as it was something I had control over. But lately my chart is acting up and it's not even clear that I O'd. You might be asking why does that bring me back to this board? It is because I feel kind of down today. Like nothing will ever go right for me. Just another thing not in my control these days. Some days I feel excited about the 2WW. Other times I realize I have spent almost the last year of my life just waiting for things.....first waiting for a beautiful baby only to find out my dream had ended, 2nd getting pregnant straight away and then seemingly I was waiting for something to go wrong (gut feeling) and it did....and now what am I waiting for...will it be happiness or end in sorrow again?
I am not really sure where these feelings are coming from today. Must be the wrong side of the bed. I guess this sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for news over the past months thing has taken it's toll on me who is already a constant worry wort anyway. At first ttc seemed great. I don't regret moving into that again. But now I realize if months go by and it doesn't happen for us it will also feel like we failed. I mean it is just the middle of my cycle and I am looking at my tummy wondering if there is a possibility again. What psychotic things our brain does to us.
Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.