that Tessa was supposed to be born. I thought I was going to be ok...but I am not. I cannot stop crying. DH tried to console me by talking about Avery (our daughter that we will be adopting from China) but it feels like he is trying to REPLACE Tess. Oh my God...my heart is breaking and I still wish I went with her in March sometimes.
Today my brother in law told me that friends of theirs had their little girl this week. I am a horrible person because I wished it was them and not us...I don't think I believe in Hell in an afterlife anymore...I think that this is my Hell.
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
Lisa Our EDD's are so very hard I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing as it approaches
I know to you it seems as if your dh is trying to replace Tess with Avery...But you know deep down inside that this is not what he is trying to do...He is just trying to console you in the best way he knows how...
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, as you continue to mourn your little one, on what should have been one of the happiest days of your life
Know that we are all here if you need us....Sending many hugs, and crying many tears with you..
I was just thinking about this today Lisa.
I don't go to the Aug board hardly ever, but Jodi kept our names up and I like to remember I was there once.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a fog. Sometimes it just really hits me. Due dates are horrible reminders. I guess I don't have anything too positive to say right now, but I'm here for you.
EDD's are so very difficult to get through. DH has a co-worker whose granddaughter was born a few days before my EDD. He called me at work to tell me about it and after we hung up, I sent him an e-mail asking him not to send me pictures or talk about her anymore. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't even tell him my feelings...I had to write them in an e-mail. He was very understanding though and wrote back that he was heartbroken too and it was just as difficult for him. Although we were happy for this new little life, we were mourning the loss of our little girl and nothing was going to make us feel better. I'm glad your DH is so supportive, even if he isn't quite sure of the right things to say or do right now...
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how hard the EDD is as mine just passed a few days ago. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and die. I cried so much that day. All my dh could do was let me cry. I didn't even want to see my four year old. Talk about guilt the next day. It is not easy. I will not even try to say that it might be. I will promise you this. The day will pass. You will survive. We will never be whole again, but we will heal. I will be praying for you.
I did not know you were adopting from China. I know you miss your duaghter and will do anything to have her back. But, you have so much to look forward too! Take it from an adoptive mom. The world will stop spinning and time will stand still when they place that baby in your arms.