Trying Again: TTC/PG After a Loss
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    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    Default Trying Again: TTC/PG After a Loss



    After a loss, the very thought of trying again can be frightening. Unlike before you have gone through a loss experience, now you have been robbed of that innocence and forced to be made aware that a pregnancy doesn't always have a happy ending. Still, at some point, you may decide that you are ready to try again with a new pregnancy. How did you conquer the obstacles, fears, and concerns (or perhaps the question should be 'what are you having difficulty moving past?')

    Please take part in today's Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Event discussion and share this part of your journey!

    Please be sure to check out our other announcements for more activities and resources available throughout the week for Pregnancy & Infant Loss. If you have not personally experienced a loss, we're certain that you know someone else - including a fellow Pg.org member that has. Please know that you are still welcome and encouraged to participate and show your support.

    ~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

    P.S. We understand that at times writing out your thoughts and feelings may be difficult to do -- whether your loss was yesterday or 20 years ago. Stirring up those emotions can be painful even as you heal. Please let us know if you are in need of some additional support - either by creating your own post on our Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support board or you may feel free to email me privately if you prefer.

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    Posting Addict MrsDisel's Avatar
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    Trying again after the loss of my son was very frightening because we were told that there was a 3% chance that it could happen again. 3% may not seem like a whole lot to someone who's never experienced a loss, but once you've been there.....3% can feel like 300%. It was terrifying to say the least.
    Getting pregnant though, was at the top of my list of things to do though. I don't know why, but I just felt that as soon as I was pregnant.....everything would be okay and my heart wouldn't hurt so much any more. Thats all I could focus on after I lost my son.
    It didn't take long for me to get pregnant, but the waiting was excruciating. My 2WW was more like a 2 month wait. That 3 minutes it said to wait before looking at the pregnancy test was more like 3 hours.......
    I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant, It was like walking on air. I felt alive again. I don't know how long it had been since I felt like that.

    To those who are thinking about trying again after a loss. Just remember that TTC can add more grief to what you are already going though. You may not conceive the first try or even for several months. Every BFN, and AF is heart breaking even more so after a loss when you are trying to get pregnant. I think I cried everytime I got a BFN or each time AF showed up. So keep that in mind and keep your head up
    Last edited by missy8632; 10-15-2010 at 09:18 PM. Reason: remove siggy

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    Posting Addict marymoonu's Avatar
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    It is so true that it is 100% different before a loss as opposed to after a loss. My first pregnancy went perfectly. Of course I had all the normal fears of loss, but everything went great, so it was just a minor thought in the back of my mind. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. It was the most traumatic thing I've been through, physically and emotionally. I decided to try to get pregnant again right away, and I did. 5 weeks and 2 days after my m/c, I got my BFP. At the time, I just wanted to be pregnant again... The thought of becoming pregnant again didn't scare me...

    But the weeks wore on and I felt more "invested" in this bean. I passed the number of weeks when my m/c happened, and a couple weeks after that, I started bleeding. It crushed me. I didn't know what to do, but it was all so similar to what happened with my first loss and I was convinced it was happening again. I continued to bleed over the course of 4 weeks, and it seemed to end with one HUGE bleed. I passed clots and just poured blood... It was terrible. I thought I was for-sure finally going through another loss. But through it all, the babe still had a heartbeat. I didn't know what was going on, but the whole experience has shrouded a cloud of anxiety over this whole pregnancy. Even today, for the first time in over a month, there was some pink in my CM on my panty liner. I'm 18 weeks now, and I've gone through each week with a strong fear of experiencing another m/c.

    So anyway, I'm still experiencing the same fears that I've felt all along, but I know this baby still has a heart beat, and I'm starting to be able to feel small movements. I had an early gender scan and it looks like another baby boy.. We'll find out for sure in 3 days! I don't care one way or another what the sex is because I just want a healthy baby, as I'm sure anyone here can understand. I'm sticking with it and I'm going to keep trying for more children, because I've seen the result of a healthy pregnancy, and there is really nothing more beautiful in the world. Nothing gives me more joy than the face of my baby boy.

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    Posting Addict mommys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDisel View Post
    To those who are thinking about trying again after a loss. Just remember that TTC can add more grief to what you are already going though. You may not conceive the first try or even for several months. Every BFN, and AF is heart breaking even more so after a loss when you are trying to get pregnant. I think I cried everytime I got a BFN or each time AF showed up. So keep that in mind and keep your head up
    I'm so scared to see a BFN this first month. It took us 7 months to conceive before our loss. It was long enough then, but will feel like an eternity now.

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    I am late posting on this, but would love to be able to share my feelings on this subject.

    First of all, huge hugs to each of you. TTC/pg'cy after a loss is so hard.

    I can relate to the 2WW seeming like an eternity now, and every BFN being hard to take. In the past, a BFN was not that big of a deal to me. It just meant time to try again. Now it is a huge deal.

    TTC is definitely never the same after a loss. I remember how excited I was the very first time I got a BFP. I couldn't believe it. I jumped up and down, shouted, ran into the living room, then back into the bathroom to check the test on the counter again to make sure the line was still there, ran back to the living room, then back to the bathroom to check the test a third time. Pink had never before been such a pretty color to me. When I called my DH, I was shaking. I will always cherish that first time that was so fresh and new and innocent, as well as that pregnancy that was healthy and mostly worry-free (except for the usual worries that all mothers have, of course, like the time I went to the ER due to not feeling as much movement as I thought I should).

    But after suffering a few chemical pg'cies (as well as my share of evil evaps), a faint positive no longer held any excitement for me. So the day I finally got a nice, obvious BFP that got darker and darker, I was too nervous to get excited. This is going to sound weird, but somehow it felt "wrong" to be excited. Does that make sense? Maybe deep down I knew something wasn't right from the beginning with that pregnancy, I don't know, but for some reason I didn't feel that I was "supposed" to be excited. That's the only way I know to describe the feeling. DH would start talking about baby names, and I just couldn't get into it. Then, when I first knew that things weren't looking good, I began to go into denial and kept hoping that somehow things would change and they would tell me everything was fine and I wasn't going to miscarry after all. When the mc did begin, I was just numb, and for the longest time afterward. I couldn't even talk about it with my DH, or anyone else for that matter. I still to this day have difficulty talking about it.

    It has been over a year since that mc, and I am not sure how I will handle another BFP, should it happen again. Part of me wonders if I even want to go through a pregnancy again, worrying constantly about every little thing. Then there's another part of me that tells me I can be stronger than that, by relying on the one Who is Stronger than I. That I can rest in Him more wholly, put the pregnancy in His hands, and enjoy each day, whether it lasts the whole nine months or not.

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    It has only been 5 days since my d&c and 10 since I started to miscarry. We have one healthy, smart 2 yr old. We feel blessed. I am not sure if we will try again. I have alot of fear. TTC will be different if we give it a go again. I think it wil be more nerve racking and stressful. Both pregnancies happened the first time we tried. Which is a miracle since Dh is a brain cancer survivor who was on chemo for a year. DH does not want to talk about TTC for while since I a a mental mess. I waiver daily.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RobinBG View Post
    It has only been 5 days since my d&c and 10 since I started to miscarry. We have one healthy, smart 2 yr old. We feel blessed. I am not sure if we will try again. I have alot of fear. TTC will be different if we give it a go again. I think it wil be more nerve racking and stressful. Both pregnancies happened the first time we tried. Which is a miracle since Dh is a brain cancer survivor who was on chemo for a year. DH does not want to talk about TTC for while since I a a mental mess. I waiver daily.

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