Hello Ladies. I am hoping you can help me. In Sept. I had a D&C after our little one's heart stopped at 10 weeks. I thought I was doing pretty well with the loss, but now I am not so sure. You see, I do well as long as I avoid my friend. My friend is PG. She is do 3 weeks after I would have been due. Our families get together regularly. Our kids play together, and we live next door to each other. I am happy for them. I truly am, but I just can't be around her. I can't handle the visual reminders of what I don't have. Yesterday, they were telling DH and I about the names they are thinking about. And I just wanted to scream. DH and I should be discussing names. I got so angry. I just don't want to hear anything about the pg. I just can't be supportive. I want to be. But I can't. I feel so bad. I feel bad over our loss. I feel bad because I feel I am being a terrible friend. Please can someone offer me some advice? How do I get through this? Thanks, Cat
Hi Cat! I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my baby on New Years Eve. He/She stopped growing at 6 weeks 4 days. I had my D&C a week ago today. Things are getting better but now I can't stand to see pregnant women or newborn infants. I too have a friend who is PG & due a few weeks before I would have been. I have been avoiding talking to her. I feel bad, but I just can't deal with it right now. I also have a sister-in-law who is PG and due about a month before I would have been. She has actually had 2 MC before so I do talk to her about it sometimes, but now she's starting to show & everyone is always talking about her. Now I have to hear about her upcoming baby shower. Then I will have to attend her and my friend's showers. I don't know how I'm going to get through all that. Even when I'm out at a store or something & see a PG woman I get so angry! I should be picking out names, I should be getting a belly, etc. When will this ever end??!! Hope things get better for you!
Ladies, I am sorry for your loss. It does get better with time.
If your friend is still early, try telling her the truth that things are too raw for you right now and ask her to keep it low key for a while.
Hang in there!
I think that these feelings are normal so don't be too hard on yourself for having them. Let yourself grieve in the way that is best for you. I understand how you feel. I also had a m/c at 10 weeks and my sister was due 2 weeks before me so now when I hear her talk about her pg I feel like I'm missing out. My sister had a m/c a couple years ago and I know that she understands. I talked to her about my feelings and she said that she actually has similar feelings because she wanted us to go through this together and after I lost my baby she felt like she was on her own. It may help to be honest and talk about your feelings.
Tammy & Tom 6/19/2004
TTC beginning 3/2005
Angel Baby 11/13/2008
Ethan Bradley 10/7/2009
I am so glad I decided to post. You see, I know no one who has gone through this, so when I try to talk to friends or family they really don't know what to say. I was beginning to feel very much alone. Thank you. Thank you very much for reminding me that my feelings are normal. That it will get easier. That I am not alone. -Cat
Cat, I felt very much alone when I started expressing my feelings of hurt, anger, and frustration. There are a few ppl that I have to remind myself to not discuss it with. One of them being a friend that had a baby inbtw my two losses. Her baby is 3mo older than what my baby should have been. It just hurt too much. We used to hang out a lot (as she lives very close too), and I started making excuses (she has two rowdy kids besides this, so it was an easy excuse lol). Anyhow.. it was and is tough. I was terribly worried about when she actually had her baby and I had to be around it. But she came one day and was taking care of something and her baby was crying and I picked it up, and it actually felt pretty darned good, much better than I thought, of course it still hurt like hell, but it was somewhat healing. Of course, its not like I'm dying to hang out with her after this either. lol
Hugs, know that you are normal, and I am sorry I do not have advice for you. If you would like you can join us over at ttcal (trying to conceive after a loss), whether you are actively trying to or not. It is a lot more active, and lots of venting posts, as well as awesome support!