Trying to deal (m/c mentioned)

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Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56
Trying to deal (m/c mentioned)

So, it has been a week since my m/c. Tomorrow is my D&C follow-up, which was originally going to be my initial pg appointment. So, that makes it even worse. I think that I am losing my mind. I just spent a half hour on the phone with my ex, crying and telling him that we could work things out (even though we more than likely can't). I just feel so lost and alone right now. Nothing makes sense anymore and every single day is a struggle. I am afraid of having a nervous breakdown at work tomorrow. My goal all week has just been to make it to Friday....anyways, just needed to get that off my chest.

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

Hey, I know how you feel. Those first few weeks after the loss are so hard. Everything feels like a struggle and you try so hard to act and look normal around people it's just so tiring. Just try to give yourself time. Don't feel bad if you cry a little at work or if you need more or less alone time then usual. Just let yourself feel the way you feel. It's harder then it sounds but try to take it one day at a time. I'm so sorry for your loss and for all the follow up garbage that goes with it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok, breath honey. Keep taking things day by day, or minute by minute if you need to. Not only are you dealing with the loss but all those hormones as well. You can do this, you are a strong person. If you need to call your ex and talk, then do it. I think we all go through a period where we need to do anything to keep going until we get out feed under us again. Not to mention, tomorrow is Friday and you made it. Sending hugs. You will get your bearsing soon and things will start to get better.

deborah74's picture
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698

I'm so sad for you right now honey. Just one day at a time is all you need worry about. I cannot imagine what its like to go thru a breakup at the same time. Is there someone who can be with you, at least on the weekends? Or a friends house you can stay at?
:bigarmhug:

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

(pg mentioned)

Yes, I made it to Friday. One big accomplishment down. And I even went out after work today. I am back at home, alone, but am trying to just relax. I am new here so I really don't have friends to hang out with. But I have some DVD's to keep me company.

In other news, I had my follow-up appointment today. It actually went well. The doctor said that everything I am feeling is normal. He also said that there is no reason why I can't try again to have a baby. He said I am perfectly healthy and that being able to get pregnant is the biggest hurdle to get over. Unfortunately, being that my SO and I broke up, there will be no trying again soon. I think that is the worst part for me right now. I want to try again, and soon. Is that crazy of me?

Joined: 05/12/09
Posts: 86

No, it is not crazy at all...I was in much the same position, I had the d&c and my SO and I had just broken up. I'm also in school (medical school), so right now would be a crazy bad time to have a baby. But a part of me really wanted (and kinda still wants) one. I got a kitten.....gives me something to love, and a distraction. If you like pets, and if where you are allows them, they are a great distraction and a source of unconditional love...

Hang in there sweets, one step at a time, and don't feel bad if it becomes one moment at a time. Make it as small as you need so that you can take it. Sometimes that is all the best of us can handle.

:bigarmhug:

Anyone ever feel like the song of the moment is Alanis Morissette "Not as we"?

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

"moheesviolin" wrote:

Anyone ever feel like the song of the moment is Alanis Morissette "Not as we"?

I don't know that song. I have had "How Do I Live?" stuck in my head for days.

And no, I am not a pet person, at all. That was one thing me and my ex had in common.

I hate mornings. I always feel so hopeless. And now that it is Saturday, the lady downstairs is home with her kids. I can hear them giggling and being all happy. Do parents know how lucky they are? I suppose they do.

sunny_gal's picture
Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 494

I just wanted to jump in and say that I'm so sorry Leah. I hope the last few days have been a little easier for you, but for me it took quite a while before I started feeling like even getting out of bed in the mornings. I also noticed all of the other expecting mother's and baby's around. It's not crazy for you to want to conceive again, I think that is a perfectly normal and maybe even expected reaction.

Hang in there!! :bigarmhug:

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 66

I'm so sorry you went through this m/c and D+C as well. I had my D+C yesterday and it was honestly the most traumatic, painful experience of my life.

If I hadn't experienced so much pain and blood loss last night, I think I'd want to try again right away too.

It's an inspiration to me that you made it through the first week.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:bigarmhug: to all.

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Thanks everyone. Yes, I made it through a week. Today is the first day that I have not cried (yet, there is still time). I admit that I am leaning on my ex for support. He is trying to be understanding and supportive. Better late than never I suppose.

Things are getting better, but there are reminders every day. I am apartment shopping in my new town, and now looking for a 1-bdrm as opposed to a two-bedroom. Would it be too hopeful to at least look at the 2-bdrms? Hmmm...I wonder.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Baby steps!

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Back-sliding again. I feel so alone. I was already in a bad mood after work and then saw two pregnant women on the way to the Metro. It always makes me wonder what they did right that I did wrong. Why did this happen to me? Did I do something to deserve this? I know I shouldn't think like that but I can't help it...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Honey, you did nothing wrong. I know that is such a common question and I have heard all the typical responses. You know "God's will" and "it was not meant to be". I think they are all crap. Made up by people who mean well but do not know what to say and are not comfortable talking about death.
Plain and simple, it sucks. It sucks big time and it is not f*cking fair.
It does get better. I do not think we ever forget, but the pain does lessen with time.
Allow yourself to cry. Sending hugs.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am sorry for your loss. As Missy said the pain does lessen in time but the heart ache tends to go on forever. It has been over 2 years since my first miscarriage and I still think about her and long to hold her again.

Give yourself time and know that some days are better than others. You are not alone, just look at all the responses and new "friends" that you have.

Be strong.
Robin

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 66

I don't know if it's any consolation, but I feel very similarly.

I keep wondering if it's because I played tennis and overexerted myself, or because I had some negative thoughts about this pregnancy (which I obviously regret big time now that I'm no longer pregnant).

I do agree with Missy though that it is just not f*king fair. There's nothing we can do about it. I also agree with Robin that we need to give ourselves time.

My mom's friend called to talk to me about my m/c experience, since she had a very similar experience 31 years ago and she said she still remembers all the details to this day and she's still sad about it around the would be due date.

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 66

[QUOTE=photogalv]I don't know if it's any consolation, but I feel very similarly.

I keep wondering if it's because I played tennis and overexerted myself, or because I had some negative thoughts about this pregnancy (which I obviously regret big time now that I'm no longer pregnant).

I do agree with Missy though that it is just not f*king fair. There's nothing we can do about it. I also agree with Robin that we need to give ourselves time.

My mom's friend called to talk to me about my m/c experience, since she had a very similar experience 31 years ago and she said she still remembers all the details to this day and she's still sad about it around the would be due date.

Oh, and she had 3 children after that Smile

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

I'm so sorry - it's hard, I know, and I can't imagine having a break-up on top of it. Like the others have said, give yourself plenty of time. Treat yourself well in the meantime - you deserve it Wink :bigarmhug: