Two steps forward, two steps back...

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Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56
Two steps forward, two steps back...

Hi all,

Just wanted to say hi and check in. I was finally starting to feel normal for a few weeks, but the last week or so, I've been backsliding a bit. Just no motivation & generally unhappy all day. I just feel like I am in this funk and unable to pull myself out of it. I'm getting to point where I am thinking about the fact that I would be showing by now. And I am not. I drank a margarita today, but I wasn't happy about it at all. It's like I am forcing myself to take steps 'forward.' I'm not doing these things because I feel better or want to. It's like a daily task. It is just so hard some days....

Anyways, just thinking out loud and wanted to say hi. I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather. I am trying to, at least.

Leah

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm sorry honey. It always seems to be two steps forward and one back, but you still get to where you want to go. It just takes a while longer. Everyone deals with grief on their own way. Mile stones are always hard, be kind with yourself and hang in there.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I so remember those days. It still hits once and awhile 2 years later. You need to grieve in your own time. I found that if you force the "happy" times then you feel worse. That was in my case anyway. As long as you are working and trying to get out of the house you are ahead of the game. This type of loss is the worst kind. No one should have to experience a loss of a child. It doesn't matter if the child was in utero or 30+ years old, it is your child. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. We all at this site understand your feelings. Take your time, peace will come.

Robin

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Doing a little better. I have started working out regularly and even went rock climbing outdoors today, one of my favorite pastimes before my loss. That doesn't mean I don't still have crappy days, but I manage to feel normal for small spaces of time. At least I have that...

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

I'm sorry that things aren't getting any better. I think it is normal to feel good for a while and then be brought down again. I also think that I would've been showing by now and everyone from the March bb is finding out the genders. I still check them out there, which I shouldn't cuz it makes me feel sad. I don't know what area of the country you are from, but I've known a lot of ppl in my area that come down with seasonal depression since you don't spend as much time out in the sun as winter approaches. If able try to sit out in the sun (don't know if your weather allows it right now.) Glad to see that you are doing things you enjoy but do know it doesn't make things better. How are you doing adjusting to the move and new job? :bigarmhug:

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

I don't really like it here. I am near D.C. and it is so big. I long for smaller-town living. I guess I didn't realize how much I relished the peace and quiet. I don't like being surrounded by so many people all the time. And even so, it is amazingly lonely. My goal is to get enough experience that I can move somewhere smaller in a few years...

Also, I am subleasing so I still have to find a permanent place. I keep thinking about how I was looking for a two-bedroom for a while. Now it is back to looking for a 1-bedroom, again. I couldn't really afford a two-bedroom, but was excited to make up the nursery....

How are you, Meg?

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

I'm doing overall good. The m/c has moved to the back of my mind but lately I've been thinking about it a lot. I keep thinking of how on Thurs I would be at the half way point and how everyone else who was due in March are finding out what they are having. It has really hit me lately on how much I am missing out on. I started taking yoga just to help
de-stress.