Hi everyone. I am new to this board, not new to this forum though. I mostly post on Pregnant and Single and the ladies there have been so wonderful to me since I lost my little girl, Kailee Emma in March. It was a very traumatic experience. Not only did I lose my baby, I had to be put in the hospital to have a medical termination because her heart had stopped beating but she stayed in my belly. The same day my best friend, )who had been with me in the hospital with me the whole time since the baby's father was working out of state and couldn't get back to be with me), lost her little brother to suicide. I felt overwhelmed with guilt because he had called her to talk to her before he did it and she told him she would have to call him later because of her being with me. She never got the chance to call him later and I know this isn't my fault, but I still feel bad. I've been on medicine for my depression and it helps some, but I still miss my lil girl. Some days it gets better, then the next day it will be worse. Michael (Kailee's daddy) has been in and out of my life (currently he is in and acting right)......he helps some, but I don't think it has made him as sad as me because he already has one daughter (Mickayla, age 3) who I love like my own.....but it's still not the same. I miss MY baby. Does it ever get easier?
I am so sorry for the loss of your perfect little girl, Kailee. It will hurt forever, but it does get easier. you will never "get over it" but you will find a way to one day be happy again. you're right, her brother's unfortunate decision was not your fault. I hope that he has found the peace that maybe he couldn't find in life. Are you maybe seeing a therepist or someone along those lines? That might help. I am sure your friend doesn't blame you for what happened.
Sometimes, I think men do not understand. It is not their bodies so some men don't feel quite as attached as the mother. Though, I am glad that he is doing right by you. I hope he keeps that up.
You and Topo are right, of course it's not your fault your friend didnt speak to her brother before he passed. I know that you know this, but grief can make you think about the what ifs and the whys so much more.
I'm sorry this had to happen to you, but i am glad you found your way to this board. The ladies here are wonderful.
It's great that your man is a good thing in your life right now. Perhaps this will eventually bring you closer? I know the loss of our son had a profound effect on my relationship with my DH.