The universe hates me...(everything ment)

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shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814
The universe hates me...(everything ment)

Okay ladies, I need to vent this will probably be long so if you don't want to read it I totally understand. I just have had one of those days where it feels like the universe hates me.

I had to have a pap and culposcopy today. The doc found an area that he wasn't happy with and had to take a biopsy. No pain killers just snip. It has to be sent out to be analyzed. If the results are poor then I have to have a LEEP scheduled.

Then I find out that my doc is getting sent off island for the summer and will come back just in time to transfer. This is the only doc that I have felt one hundred percent comfortable with since we lost Damien.

So I get dressed and ask about a chit to be at home for the day. Hospital policy is that you can go back to work after a "simple biopsy" that doesn't require any kind of sedation. (He did tell me that the medical office next to mine doesn't have these constraints). I realize that I forgot to ask how long before we can expect results. When I went to the front desk instantly I felt like I was kicked in the gut. The only doc at the desk was the one of the two involved in my son's death.

So, I go back to work and take my transfer paperwork to the medical office next to mine. The chief writes (basically) a permission slip for me to go home for the rest of the day. Then the universe knocks me down one more time. I cannot take my pregnancy test to allow my transfer until August 19. That means I cannot be pregnant enough for it to show on a HPT until after that day. So, no more June/July TTC. Now I have to wait until August. On top of all of this, one of my old coworkers stopped by with his little boy today. This wouldn't normally be so bad, it is just that Coe is two weeks older than Damien should be.

If you have made it to the end of this, thank you. I just needed to whine to people that (unfortunately) understand.

Last seen: 7 years 8 months ago
Joined: 11/30/07
Posts: 117

Oh hun, im so sorry you are feeling this way. I am sure every single one of us will have got to the end of your post just like you do for us when we need to vent. You are always so very supportive of everyone elses problems and always take the time to offer advice so that is the least we would do for you. Please dont apologise for posting and needing support.

Sometimes I think we do get days where everything goes wrong, and they are so very hard to deal with. I can understand your complete panic and stress at your biopsy, I had one on a lump on my breast once, and the wait and worry is so hard. I wont tell you that I know you will be ok (it really irritated me when people said this to me - hello, when did you become a doctor?) but I will be praying and crossing my fingers for you that is comes back clear. Please keep us updated.

Im so sorry about your doc being transferred, its vital to have one you are comfortable. Perhaps you could ask him/her to recommend another one for you. Since you trust them, hopefully they will recommend someone they feel would be best for you. I hope it works out.

Im really sorry about the delay ttc also. I know that must be so upsetting and frustrating for you. Is there no way they can move that forward for you? (im sorry if this is not very helpful, but not sure what to suggest)

It must be v hard to be faced with a baby so close in age to Damien, I cant imagine how that must feel. All I can say is that you were very strong for getting through it. Sending lots of hugs your way, and hoping tomorrow is much better for you.

Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I already responded on the TOC board but I just wanted to send you some extra ((HUGS)).


HopefullySoon's picture
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I'm sorry your day sucked. I know that some days just seem like everything goes wrong. Are you feeling better now (from the biopsy)? I am glad you got to leave work early and I hope you went home and relaxed. I am praying that your test results turn out ok.

I know it seems like such a long time to have to wait to ttc again. I also have to wait until around then at least and it just seems like such a long way away. I wish you didn't have to wait that long. Time seems to go by so quickly at times, so I hope with you making all these plans to transfer and getting everything ready to move makes the time fly by.

Did you ask your doctor if he can refer you to someone that he trusts both locally and where you will transfer? Maybe he knows someone and will be available to talk to your new doctor.

Hang in there girl. I'm thinking of you.

evilbarncat's picture
Last seen: 4 years 8 months ago
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ducknjay's picture
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/11/05
Posts: 71

I'm sorry sweetie!


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Thank you all for your thoughts and wishes.

AS for the doctor's reccommendations he did give me one for here and one for San Diego. I am okay with the one here, she actually delivered Frankie back in 03. I just wasn't looking forward to having to build a new relationship with a new doc, ya know? The referral to the one is San Diego is a high risk specialist so we will see how that goes.


Last seen: 5 years 4 months ago
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371


Sent you a PM. So sorry about your day.

Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

deborah74's picture
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698

oh girl im sorry. I would have run out of that office crying for sure.

I have had a biopsy and it hurt. I def took it easy that day. Its emotionally draining with the worry IMO. Anyways thats good you are being checked if the dr is suspicious of anything. I had to have a cone LEEP so if you have any questions feel free to ask me.

SparkleMomma's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

:bighug: I am sorry Honey. :bighug: I work with Gyne/Oncologists, so if you have any questions about colposcopy's, LEEP's, etc, let me know.



Mommy to 5 angels

Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

O Hun I so understand. And of course i read through your post to the end. You have always been so caring so it is your turn. Hugs and fuzzies. It is so hard with the medical situation the way it is. My cousin use to complain about it all the time. I would make contact to both drs now and pray fro the best.


ETA: sorry my siggie cam up eventhough i had it unclicked. sigh