Update

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
nurseapril's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48
Update

Well, we went to meet with the lawyer today, and he says that it appears the doctor/midwife/nurses did everything they were supposed to for Lance. I'm glad that it seems no one is to blame, but at the same time it brings back the feelings of "why did this happen?" I just feel upset all over again and I don't know why. I just hope this brings us some closure so that we can start to move forward. Of course I would get this news when my counselor is out of town for the week. Please bear with me...I feel like my thoughts are so scattered!

April

Offline
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Finding someone or something to blame is all part of the greiving process. Sending hugs.

Offline
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Dear April,

It would be a very mixed bag of intense emotions, I'm sure (I can only imagine -- my losses were all too early to determine 'why'). But I can truly empathise.

Missy's right -- blaming is part of the grieving process. Good news is that it IS a process -- blaming is part of the (unfortunately long) journey out of the pain.

So is being triggered -- which is what's happened: when you said you got upset again, but didn't know why. I'm convinced that we never forget our angel babies or stop loving them (no way!), but time does 'heal all' and this pain gradually recedes. What happens though is that we then get triggered and it all comes racing up to the surface again -- wham! Back again to deal with. Ugh. This is normal and natural (and royally crappy).

It's too bad your counsellor is out of town right now, but we're all here for you. Please use us a sounding board again. We're going to help you through this.

Love
Nicole

(PS I don't think you sound 'scattered' at all)

nurseapril's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

I do feel like its getting better, but in some ways that's worse because when something shakes me, the grief seems so much worse in comparison to the normal days I'm having.

There's just a lot going on right now. Aside from the meeting with the lawyer, May 18th is when CORE (organ donation) is having their annual ceremony for those who donated. I don't know if I had mentioned this before or not, but we donated Lance's organs to them in the hopes that his short life could help others. It seemed like he made that decision, as my DH and I didn't really have to discuss it. I think it will be good for us to go, but I know its going to be so hard. I guess just another step in the process.

The other thing driving me crazy at the moment is that I STILL haven't had a cycle and its been 5 weeks since the proceedure. I know its not abnormal yet, but it just feels like its never going to happen, and all I want to do right now is try again. I'm trying to relax because I think I'm stressing myself out over it (which I know won't help anything) but its really hard to focus on anything else.

Whew...I think that's it for right now. Just having a lot of emotions. Thanks for reading.

April

Offline
Last seen: 7 years 9 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

Having mixed emotions is dead on....I am sorry that you still have to deal with the unknown....

May 18th will be a hard day I am sure...That said, knowing more about how Lance's organs may have been used (I don't know what they tell you), may bring more closure for you both..

I know it is hard to wait for that first AF...And kinda a double edged sword when it comes....Give it another few weeks..

Sending :bighug: too you..

Marie

nurseapril's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

I forgot earlier when I was on here...Lance's grave marker was delivered today. Why does it seem like everything hits at once?

April

Offline
Last seen: 7 years 9 months ago
Joined: 04/21/06
Posts: 96

:bighug:

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 10 months ago
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

:bighug: Im sorry your going through so much. We are here for you.

HopefullySoon's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I feel like I could have written your post.
We also donated our baby Zara's heart and the vessels and values in hopes of saving other babies lives. My husband and I also didn't even need to discuss it...we both right away said we wanted to do it. I think it is an honorable thing to do.
Please know we are here whenever you want to talk.

MrsSchepp's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 1 month ago
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

*hugs* i do not know your whole story, but i pray that you can find peace in the whole thing.