I went to my cousins daughters 1st b-day yesterday and now today I am crying all the time. I wish I could just stop crying and be normal again. It has been 3 months since my miscarriage and I know that I can not bring her back. I just want the pain to go away and to feel less lonely. Nobody understands the pain and heartbreak that a mother feels when lossing their baby.
I just want to scream "I lost my daughter" at the top of my lungs. How could this happen? Where was "God"? I needed and wanted her so much. I just want to feel whole again. I want to be "normal and happy" not sad.
I don't know what you guys do to cope but I am hoping venting online will help me, journaling hasn't.
You are very brave going to a 1st b-day party. I am sure it wasn't easy. I went to my neice's birthday a couple of weeks ago (2 days before my very pregnant sister gave birth). It was so hard. I feel for you.
I'm too new on this grief journey to give much advice (it has only been 6 weeks). However I've been reading anything I can get my hands on to do with infant loss, coming on bulletin boards and attending breavement support groups. The response has been unanimously the same. Time helps it get easier. You will never forget your daughter but the gut wrenching feeling you have apparently subsides.
It sucks! It is not fair! I would give anything to turn back time and keep my baby girl safe.
I know exactly how you are feeling about your loss. I am still going through those feelings regularly. I think that I am even more sensitive to pregnancy and newborns since losing Damien which doesn't help. I really hope that venting online helps you. I know that having women that (unfortunately) truly understand my pain is helpful beyond words. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain. I am sorry for your loss.
However I've been reading anything I can get my hands on to do with infant loss, coming on bulletin boards and attending breavement support groups.
I agree! After my loss, I found that reading anything and everything having to do with loss really helped me. Somehow, doing my own research as opposed to just relying on my doctor to keep me informed really gave me a sense of empowerment. It may have been an illusion, but I think the thing I needed most was to regain some sense of control over my life. Understanding my body and what happened really helped me start to heal. It also helped me see that there are so many others like me out there! Although I hate that anyone else has to go through loss, it helped me not feel so "cursed" by God or whatever.
In the meantime, what you are feeling is completely normal. Three months is not a long time - please give yourself permission to grieve. Scream, cry, vent. Just do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Eventually, each day will be a little easier than the one before it.