very emotional this week (baby and loss ment)

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woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61
very emotional this week (baby and loss ment)

So overall I have been doing pretty well. I went back to my old life of drinking and hanging out with my friends now that I'm not the 'lame, cranky' preggo anymore. I really have been well. As some of you may know, my baby sister (18) was pregnant with her second baby. She just delivered last week...and when I went to see the pics of the new little man, I just lost it. I have seen lots and lots of baby pics since my loss, and it never effected me. Since seeing my new nephew last week, I am like out of control. Even reading news articles about babies makes me lose it.
I do customer service for a living, and even hearing a baby cry when I am on the phone with someone sends me over the edge. My coworkers think I'm looney.
Its just hard bc everytime I see or hear a baby I cant help but think 'I SHOULD be having one of those soon'....

IDK...just needed to vent I guess.

I'm going to Florida tomorrow for what wouldve been my baby shower. Maybe thats why I'm like this now....who knows....

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

:bighug:

Thinking of you Hon & vent away. It is a rough month for me too Sad

Diane

5 Angels in Heaven

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh, Starr. I hope you know you have every right to feel the way you do. You're not looney, you're human.

Suffering a late loss like you did and then also having to deal with the birth of your nephew is an unimaginably painful situation. And, so close to your shower date to boot. Of course you feel out of control! I'm so sorry.

After I suffered my miscarriage at 16 weeks, I couldn't bear to be around my nephew and baby niece for awhile. It didn't mean I didn't love them, but it was just too much. Talk about out of control, I was pretty much a raving, hate-filled lunatic towards anyone I deemed "unfit" as parents. I spent an entire drunk evening sobbing after watching an episode of Scrubs where one of the main characters has a baby.

In time, I'm sure it will be easier to see your nephew and you'll be a great aunt. But for now, just give yourself time to feel what you need to feel. Please be easy on yourself and vent as much as you want. Don't feel like you have to "do well" with all this.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs. I think you are completely normal in being hurt and saddened when seeing your nephew and such. I'm pretty sure your coworkers don't think your looney, just probably have no idea of what to say to you (I've been there, embarrassedly). I hope you can have a nice time in Fla, despite that you should be having a baby shower.

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Oh i am so with you on the "i should be having one of those soon" thing. I do fine for so long and even pictures of babies and babies on TV dont bother me and suddenly out of nowhere something just gets me in the right (wrong) spot and makes me sad again. A few days ago i was on myspace and i saw one of my friends had "10 weeks to go" in her name and it killed me! I mean, bless her, she'd be mortified if she knew it had upset me, and i totally dont blame her - it could have been anything that day! But after i'd seen that i couldnt see anything at all to do with babies for days! I had some baby wipes on the toilet and i had to turn the pack upside down cause the picture of the happy baby did my head in!!

It's insane! Sometimes though this happens and you cry and then you're okay again. The terrible sense of injustice really really gets to me at times though. Especially when i see scruffy children who are obviously unloved (so it seems) or smoking preggos (GOD I WANT TO SHAKE THEM!).

Okay, so that turned into a bit of a 'me' vent. What i mean is i know how you feel. Vent away hun, anytime.

:bighug:

woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61

"I was pretty much a raving, hate-filled lunatic towards anyone I deemed "unfit" as parents. "

Wow. Thats like exactly how I am.
There is a girl I was friends with who got pregnant shortly after I did. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she quit school and quit working, turned into an even bigger itch-bay, and is completely depending on her boyfriend and the government to support her. This INFURIATES me. When I found out I was preggo, all I wanted was to do what was best for baby. I signed up for school, got a better job, and did everything by the book. She is treating her pregnancy like a handicap, as an excuse to treat everyone like crap. She just complains abotu everything all the time, and it drives me crazy. We cant be friends anymore because, to me, she doesnt appreciate what she has. She is completely taking advantage of her situation and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. I hate it. I dont think she deserves it.

Idk...I'm rambling again...but pretty much, I totally get what youre saying.

woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61

sorry about the siggy! I'm a bit slow today.

I HATE smoking preggie ladies. It also kills me when I'm in the market and I see someone screaming at their little kids...I just want to scream at them how lucky they are to be parents in the first place, and that there are women who are dying inside every day because we have lost our babies. It drives me mad at how unappreciative some women are.

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

Starr,
You will always be mouring Matthew. Though over time, it gets easier -- you'll be able to celebrate other babies, instead of resent the fact that it's not you. I still tear up over what could have been, and it's been over 8 months since we lost Joseph.

Janel

BLP
Joined: 02/19/07
Posts: 47

I am sorry your feeling bad. And I am hoping with time you feel better.

I have gotten in an argument with a woman who was SCREAMING at this little boy in Macy's. Then she grabbed his arm and yanked it so hard I just couldn't help myself, she yelled back at me and took him and left, I wanted to chase her down. A woman came over to me in the store and said she was so glad I said something, but it is absolutly heartbreaking..

careyayn22's picture
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

I teach English....there are 9 people in my department and FOUR of us were pg together and due w/in 4 months of each other. As happy as I was for them all, I can't even begin to say how hard it was to hear/watch all three have their babies after I got back to work.

When my brother/SIL started talking abut TTC...it just about threw me over the edge.

I still have moments that freak me out....I still get waves of anger and the feeling of injustice that overcome me...even now. I think it is part of the process of things.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I completely understand what you mean. I have days where I am totally fine. I can even see other babies around and be okay. Then out of the blue, something sets me off and I am an utter wreck. I am blessed to have an amazing husband to help me. It looks like you do to from the way the two of you look in that photo. I am so very sorry for your loss and pray that you find the peace that you deserve.

Shelly

Joined: 06/03/04
Posts: 12

Isn't it weird how you do relatively "well" for awhile then some things just trigger this onset of emotions? It still happens to me one year later. Today I was telling someone about Amaya and just couldn't do it without crying. So weird considering I have done so well talking about her lately.

And don't even get me started on those people that take what they have for granted, have dirty children, or choose the men in their life over loving their babies. I could just go on and on. It is not as if I wish what we have gone through on anyone, but maybe it would give them a bit of perspective, kwim?

Anyway, I think of you ladies often.

:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

Joined: 03/08/06
Posts: 183

Starr,
I too deem people unfit, I see so many kids that I would just take home with me if I could, it makes me crazy and I didn't have a late loss like you, I mc at 9 weeks over a year and a half ago, it does get easier to deal with and doesn't hit you as often, but it's still there.
Hugs
Sarah

girl0007's picture
Joined: 08/18/07
Posts: 38

I was doing so well too. I've seen babies and/or pregnant women and I was fine. Even today when I saw the present they were going to give a lady from work who just had a baby I was fine. Then she came in with her baby and I was just looking at her then my chest felt so tight and I had to leave it hurt so bad. I just remember when she was pregnant and how the only thing that seemed to concern her about the pregnancy was that she wouldn't be able to loose the weight after she gave birth and there she was with her baby girl. I don't know what it was about her but it just hurt. I went home at lunch and cried all the way there. Even now as I read all the peoples notes in this thread I cried. I see a little of me in all of their posts.

Sorry what I really wanted to say that I know how it feels and that sometimes it just gets overwhelming. And don't even get me started on mothers that smoke...
Also vent away we need it from time to time it's healthy.

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

Grief and mourning is definitely not a linear process. You can be doing great for a while, and then, all of a sudden, BAM! It just hits you. It really takes you by surprise because you just don't expect it. It's so normal though. And just about anything is normal if you've lost a child. I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time Starr. My heart breaks every day for you and Sarah. ((((((hugs))))))

~Amber~

mommyx6's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

I am very sorry for what your going threw.I am not good with words so I can say I am thinking of you and a big :bigarmhug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

--PG MENT--

I understand completely! When I was pg the first time my niece, who was 19, unmarried, not really with the guy, just drunk when it happened, was also pg, about 5 weeks ahead of me. My neice lives with my dh's sister and her husband, so we heard about her pg all the time. And then I miscarried (at 12 weeks). And she went on to have a beautiful, healthy daughter. I don't begrudge her, I really don't. She is trying to pull her life together for the sake of her daughter. But for the longest time I didn't want anyone to mention her pregnancy and then her daughter to me. I didn't want to see pictures, nothing. It's gotten better. But I still haven't met the daughter yet, and she's about 5 months old now. (they live about 9 hours away)

I'm still leary of meeting her daughter. I think because I'm convinced that ours that we lost was a little girl. We're expecting a boy now, and while I'm very happy about that, I can't help but think we will never have a daughter, that we lost the only daughter we will ever have. And to see her with her daughter I think is just going to really hurt.

abbyrocks2427's picture
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54
(pg ment and baby ment)

Im so sorry for your loss i know im late...im feeling the same way sometimes im fine but then just thinking that in november i have to visit my MIL who lives near my BIL who will be having there newborn baby in that time puts me in a panic...im scared at how i will react so far being around my nephews does not bother me or seeing new borns babies or stuff like that but for some reason with my BIL and her it does cause when i was pg she started saying comments about how she didnt want me to have Boy cause she wanted to be the first in having one and just ignorant coments like that and how she didnt want her baby girl to be darker than my BIL cause she would not like it..yeah she is prejudice....so im dreading have to go over there but i seriously dont think its because of the baby its cause of her i feel she is gonna say something ignorant and im gonna end up putting her in her place...she hasent called me at all since this happen to me on monday it dosent bother me cause i dont need her simpathy but it just shows how she is and to think i defended her when the family didnt...oh well ...again im soo sorry honey..i only wish good things to you and lots of luck when you try again