So overall I have been doing pretty well. I went back to my old life of drinking and hanging out with my friends now that I'm not the 'lame, cranky' preggo anymore. I really have been well. As some of you may know, my baby sister (1 was pregnant with her second baby. She just delivered last week...and when I went to see the pics of the new little man, I just lost it. I have seen lots and lots of baby pics since my loss, and it never effected me. Since seeing my new nephew last week, I am like out of control. Even reading news articles about babies makes me lose it.
I do customer service for a living, and even hearing a baby cry when I am on the phone with someone sends me over the edge. My coworkers think I'm looney.
Its just hard bc everytime I see or hear a baby I cant help but think 'I SHOULD be having one of those soon'....
IDK...just needed to vent I guess.
I'm going to Florida tomorrow for what wouldve been my baby shower. Maybe thats why I'm like this now....who knows....
Oh, Starr. I hope you know you have every right to feel the way you do. You're not looney, you're human.
Suffering a late loss like you did and then also having to deal with the birth of your nephew is an unimaginably painful situation. And, so close to your shower date to boot. Of course you feel out of control! I'm so sorry.
After I suffered my miscarriage at 16 weeks, I couldn't bear to be around my nephew and baby niece for awhile. It didn't mean I didn't love them, but it was just too much. Talk about out of control, I was pretty much a raving, hate-filled lunatic towards anyone I deemed "unfit" as parents. I spent an entire drunk evening sobbing after watching an episode of Scrubs where one of the main characters has a baby.
In time, I'm sure it will be easier to see your nephew and you'll be a great aunt. But for now, just give yourself time to feel what you need to feel. Please be easy on yourself and vent as much as you want. Don't feel like you have to "do well" with all this.
hugs. I think you are completely normal in being hurt and saddened when seeing your nephew and such. I'm pretty sure your coworkers don't think your looney, just probably have no idea of what to say to you (I've been there, embarrassedly). I hope you can have a nice time in Fla, despite that you should be having a baby shower.
Oh i am so with you on the "i should be having one of those soon" thing. I do fine for so long and even pictures of babies and babies on TV dont bother me and suddenly out of nowhere something just gets me in the right (wrong) spot and makes me sad again. A few days ago i was on myspace and i saw one of my friends had "10 weeks to go" in her name and it killed me! I mean, bless her, she'd be mortified if she knew it had upset me, and i totally dont blame her - it could have been anything that day! But after i'd seen that i couldnt see anything at all to do with babies for days! I had some baby wipes on the toilet and i had to turn the pack upside down cause the picture of the happy baby did my head in!!
It's insane! Sometimes though this happens and you cry and then you're okay again. The terrible sense of injustice really really gets to me at times though. Especially when i see scruffy children who are obviously unloved (so it seems) or smoking preggos (GOD I WANT TO SHAKE THEM!).
Okay, so that turned into a bit of a 'me' vent. What i mean is i know how you feel. Vent away hun, anytime.
"I was pretty much a raving, hate-filled lunatic towards anyone I deemed "unfit" as parents. "
Wow. Thats like exactly how I am.
There is a girl I was friends with who got pregnant shortly after I did. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she quit school and quit working, turned into an even bigger itch-bay, and is completely depending on her boyfriend and the government to support her. This INFURIATES me. When I found out I was preggo, all I wanted was to do what was best for baby. I signed up for school, got a better job, and did everything by the book. She is treating her pregnancy like a handicap, as an excuse to treat everyone like crap. She just complains abotu everything all the time, and it drives me crazy. We cant be friends anymore because, to me, she doesnt appreciate what she has. She is completely taking advantage of her situation and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. I hate it. I dont think she deserves it.
Idk...I'm rambling again...but pretty much, I totally get what youre saying.
Last edited by Michelle; 09-20-2007 at 06:02 AM.
Reason: to remove signature
I HATE smoking preggie ladies. It also kills me when I'm in the market and I see someone screaming at their little kids...I just want to scream at them how lucky they are to be parents in the first place, and that there are women who are dying inside every day because we have lost our babies. It drives me mad at how unappreciative some women are.
You will always be mouring Matthew. Though over time, it gets easier -- you'll be able to celebrate other babies, instead of resent the fact that it's not you. I still tear up over what could have been, and it's been over 8 months since we lost Joseph.
I am sorry your feeling bad. And I am hoping with time you feel better.
I have gotten in an argument with a woman who was SCREAMING at this little boy in Macy's. Then she grabbed his arm and yanked it so hard I just couldn't help myself, she yelled back at me and took him and left, I wanted to chase her down. A woman came over to me in the store and said she was so glad I said something, but it is absolutly heartbreaking..
I teach English....there are 9 people in my department and FOUR of us were pg together and due w/in 4 months of each other. As happy as I was for them all, I can't even begin to say how hard it was to hear/watch all three have their babies after I got back to work.
When my brother/SIL started talking abut TTC...it just about threw me over the edge.
I still have moments that freak me out....I still get waves of anger and the feeling of injustice that overcome me...even now. I think it is part of the process of things.