Waiting for the inevitable...

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Joined: 10/22/11
Posts: 17
Waiting for the inevitable...

Hi everyone... I think I need some support. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and am 5.2 weeks today. Yesterday I started spotting in the afternoon and when I woke up and wiped it was bright red and then quickly turned back to brown. It continues to be brown spotting, but is there every time I wipe. I have been cramping on and off all day. I had a miscarriage last December and do not remember any cramping until the period like bleeding came, so I am confused as to why I am having so much cramping and such light spotting. I also feel extremely wet and find myself continuously running to the bathroom thinking that I will be heavily bleeding, but to my surprise I am still only lightly spotting. I know last year it started as spotting and approximately 2 weeks later I started the heavy bleeding. I am just gearing up for that. I don't want to believe it is happening again. I want this baby so badly Sad Waiting and knowing what is to come is killing me! I am just an emotional wreck right now. There is some part of me praying and hoping that I am experiencing normal cramping and spotting, but I don't think so. I had a blood draw yesterday and was waiting all day for the results, which never came. I am just going to stay in bed this weekend and keep praying. The first time was hard, but this is so much harder. I haven't even told my parents yet and it is so awkward telling them I am miscarrying without them knowing I was pregnant. Should I just keep it to myself? Thank you for listening and any advice you have...

AVoiceInTheWilderness's picture
Joined: 01/19/06
Posts: 85

((Hugs)) .... I am so sorry for your previous loss, and the possible loss you might be experiencing now. I would like so much to say that all will be just fine, but I can't. What I can say is that 50% of pregnancies with bleeding do not make it...BUT, keep in mind, the other 50% do!!! So, focus on that 50%!

Your last loss. Did you have any testing done?

As far as telling family goes...Are you close with them? Do you feel they would be a good support? If so, you might want to consider letting them know what is going on. If not....their response could be more than you can handle right now.

Praying your lo is still with you....It has been 4 years since my last loss (Child-ment: I have lost 10 lo's and now have two little boys, ages 2 and 3) ...But I still remember that gut renching pain like it was yesterday....

My heart goes out to you Sad ...Will be keeping you in my thoughts..

Marie

AVoiceInTheWilderness's picture
Joined: 01/19/06
Posts: 85

Thinking of you....

Joined: 10/22/11
Posts: 17

Thank you Marie. It is official...I am miscarrying Sad How were you able to get through 10? This one is hitting me MUCH harder than my first. I wish there were answers, but I am just putting my faith in that God knows what He is doing and that I will have the opportunity to carry another baby to term. Thank you so much for thinking of me and the support - it means a lot.

Melissa

AVoiceInTheWilderness's picture
Joined: 01/19/06
Posts: 85

"MHO27" wrote:

Thank you Marie. It is official...I am miscarrying Sad How were you able to get through 10? This one is hitting me MUCH harder than my first. I wish there were answers, but I am just putting my faith in that God knows what He is doing and that I will have the opportunity to carry another baby to term. Thank you so much for thinking of me and the support - it means a lot.

Melissa

I so remember those days Sad ...Harder and harder....Unthinkable that it could happen again, and yet again... ...Loss never got easier for me....Numbing comes to mind...amongst other things...

Faith in God? Right where you need to be (if like minded, I'm thinking) ..Only way I got through my losses. Many told me to give up - bio child. I had NO problem considering adoption..fostering..etc...But going down that road did not eliminate 'loss' either...Anyways, door was opened....always...But the Holy Spirt (my inner voice!), regardless of what others said..kept telling me to keep trying...not to give up....My strength was not my own Smile ...

I think of my lo's often. My babies had a purpose...They served Him well in the very short time they lived here on earth...

Will you have testing done?

My heart breaks for you Sad

Marie

MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3210

Melissa,

I just wanted to add that I'm extremely sorry for your loss. The emotional healing takes time as you know. I wanted to offer you a gentle reminder to please try to take care of your physical self during this time. You may wish to add some extra iron in your diet to help renew your strength.

As Marie suggested, sharing your news with family is completely up to you. During my losses, I can share that connecting with others here was an instrumental part of my healing process. My parents love me dearly (and it is totally mutual)... but they could not provide the type of support I needed at that time. I think perhaps it was because they couldn't mourn as they were more concerned about their child (aka moi!) and that desire to protect me from pain. As we all know here, this isn't something that you can *fix* in any way.

((((((HUGS)))))) I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

~Missy

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Melissa I am so sorry for your loss. A baby's death is hard to deal with and takes time. As Missy said you need to take care of your physical self as well as the emotional. I live far away from all my sisters (6 living) and so while they tried to be supportive it was hard because they weren't here close to me. I went to counselling and I was lucky as our hospital has an early pregnancy loss support program. It was so helpful.

:bigarmhug:

If you need to talk I am around. Just PM me.

:bigarmhug:

Margaret